Top-N features you'd like to see on Tamagotchi Virtual Pets... (drumroll, please...) 1. The 'Jump over the fence and shit in neighbour's garden' feature. Submitted: Dangerman 2. The feature that lets the unit attatch itself to visitors' legs and hump furiously. Submitted: Dangerman 3. The 'Bulldog Tamagotchi', complete with unpleasant child-scaring genitals dangling beneath it. Submitted: Dangerman 4. Special edition Fairground Tamagotchi, available only on Get-a-bent-dart-on-an-impossible-selection-of-cards stalls. Guaranteed to die the next day. Flushable. Submitted: Dangerman 5. Make him fart in his guestbook Submitted: Death Fudd 6. The ability to eat small children Submitted: ChAoS 7. the jurassic park version of the dinkie dino model of tamagotchi. It goes berzerk! Submitted: ChAoS 8. The 'eat the leftovers' feature Submitted: Mage Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) 9. The napalm button Submitted: Mage Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) 10. More that 3 ferking buttons!!!!! Submitted: Mage Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) 11. (of course, who needs a real Tamagotchi when you've got a perfectly good one online at http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/8821 ? Oh, I see. Fair enough) Submitted: Dangerman 12. One I can't break by committing the ultimate destructive sin of pressing one of the buttons. I swear I'm cursed with these damn things. Submitted: Dangerman 13. Pull my finger Submitted: The Mad Farter 14. The SBD button. (silent but Deadly) Works great in class or at work in a crowded room. Submitted: The Mad Farter 15. Chew your new rabbit fur earmuffs. Submitted: Sailor Earth 16. Giga Sex Slave with the new spank, "hurt," dominate, and seduce options. Submitted: Sailor Earth 17. Escape and disappear under the floorboards feature. Submitted: Jinxster 18. Die in the night and be found next morning by it's three year old owner. Submitted: Jinxster 19. Or be tortured to death by said three year old owner. Submitted: Jinxster 20. Get torn to bits by your pet cat Tamagotchi feature. Submitted: Jinxster 21. Pit Bull Tamagotchi: Inflicts virtual injuries on any visitor to your home. While you sit back and grin sadistically: "Don't worry, he's just being friendly!" Submitted: Jinxster 22. The 'self-destruct' button. Or in the case of #12, any button. Submitted: Just Me 23. The 'stare into space and drool' button. Submitted: Just Me 24. The 'bark all night at imaginary bad guys' button. Submitted: Just Me 25. How about a "game" that consists of something other than guessing whether the Pet will turn left or right? I had one of these things, and I let it die repeatedly of depression rather than play that stupid game with it. Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@home) 26. #25: How about the 'Let it play with itself button.' It turns around for 5 minutes and returns with a big grin on its face. If the button's pressed too much, the pet ends up blind. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 27. 'Infect Pet' button, with choice of rabies, mad pet disease, E. bola, leproy, and exploding head disease. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 28. 'Give Drugs' button, with choice of heroin, cocaine, weed, and LSD. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 29. Drown in toilet. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 30. Hawaiian Roast Tamagotchi button. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 31. Ability to download it into someone's computer, rendering the entire system completely useless. Submitted: Tec42(lost@c) 32. The ability to cause its owner to have sneezing fits and other violent allergic reactions. Submitted: TiGar 33. Ability to chase and catch virtual cars. Submitted: Powerplant 34. How about a Virtual Goddess toy for Wiccans? (Wiccans kick ass!) You know, one that creates the earthen beings, takes on the form of the oak tree, and melds with the God. Submitted: MoonSong 35. Ability to cough up huge hairballs on your annoying sibling's favorite shirt. Submitted: Bytch 36. Ability to shed everywhere. Submitted: Bytch 37. #34: I think the Virtual Peasant Farmer would be more interesting. You get to kick him, burn his house down, raise the taxes to something phenomenally high, sell his children off as slaves. If you torment him too much, he and a bunch of his virtual friends come along and kick your ass. Submitted: Tec42(gotlotsawiccanfriends) 38. The "Put it out of it's misery button" so you don't have to listen to it beep at 7 in the morning until it dies by itself. Submitted: Figment 39. Werewolf feature. Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover) 40. "Cujo" feature (thanks, Stephen King!) Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover) 41. Pit bull, rottweiler or doberman...take your pick! Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover) 42. Tamagotchi veterenary kit, complete with a battery to transplant. Submitted: ChAoS 43. Tamagotchi veterenary kit, complete with a battery to transplant. Submitted: ChAoS 44. The if you don't shut up in 3 seconds... this hammer and you screen.... button Submitted: Chris Robin 45. #37 Are you Wiccan? (I am, and I'm planning a hell of a Samhain festival) By the way, how about a Virtual Lord of the Dance, with a 16-bit image of that faggot Michael Flatley? You get to dress him in tight-ass leather pants, paint his face, give him a fresh towel after performances... Submitted: MoonSong 46. Or possibly, a Virtual Druid Sacrifice game. Mothers around the world already worry when their children execute ants with magnifying glasses. Sacrificing microchips to Tuatarra would give them cardiac arrest. (I *like* that.) Submitted: MoonSong 47. Three Words: Virtual Implant Clinic. Collect and trade! Virtual rhinoplasty, virtual commercial dentistry, and best of all, virtual, um, enlargements. Submitted: MoonSong 48. Virtual Anti-Christian, from MoonSongToys, Inc. The little virtual pet is a little catholic schoolboy who gets his God-fearing ass kicked by angry Wiccans. My kinda game. Submitted: MoonSong 49. #42: Virtual Cow, complete with Virtual Vet kit and long rubber glove. Submitted: Dangerman 50. The "Chopper, Sic Balls" button for when those damn kids break into your virtual junkyard Submitted: Dingo Floyd(donttrythis@stand.by.me) 51. The "Get the hell off of TOPN" game, where insecure wiccans get the shit beat out of them by regulars because all they seem to be able to post are unhumorous "Up with Wicca" type entries. Submitted: Jean-Pierre 52. The virtual Tak! It corrupts small towns and sends reality to damnation - rots to damn fast thou. Submitted: Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) 53. #51-Tsk. Typical Christian. I'll ignore that, thank you very much. Submitted: MoonSong 54. Actually, I'm Agnostic, Fuck you very much Submitted: Jean-Pierre 55. Children, come on now, play nicely... Submitted: Dangerman 56. The sound-sensitive version, responds to vocal commands, e.g. "GET OFF THE F***ING COUCH!!!" Submitted: Dangerman 57. #54 - Antagonistic more like Submitted: Mage orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) 58. _THE_ button! Submitted: Mage orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) 59. A big red button that says STOP Submitted: Mage orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) 60. A pause button Submitted: Mage orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) 61. 3 more buttons - Ctrl - Alt - Delete Submitted: Mage orion(orionrh@hotmail.com) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This list started by Dangerman(www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/8821) Last updated: Tue 16 Sep 97 20:28:27 Remember to press the RELOAD button to see your submissions! See the ABOUT TOP-N file for more info... Submit an entry for this top-n ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Back to TOP-N index] [Back to my HOME page]