Top-N Words of wisdom (drumroll, please...) 1. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you Submitted: The Eternal(In the Astral Plane) 2. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity Submitted: The Eternal(In the Astral Plane) 3. If you entered a loser contest, you'd come in second Submitted: The Eternal(In the Astral Plane) 4. Don't pour sulfuric acid on your private parts Submitted: The Eternal(In the Astral Plane) 5. A day without sunshine is like night Submitted: Just Me 6. Be kind to vegetables, hug a radish Submitted: Just Me 7. Never underestimate the power of a bad burrito. Ever. Submitted: Just Me 8. Never ask someone wearing a ski mask and holding a pistol to watch your car for you while you make a withdrawal from an ATM machine. Submitted: Just Me 9. Don't concentrate on always watching your back, because you might walk into a- OW THAT HURT!! Submitted: Just Me 10. #7: Especially if you live in the southwest. Especially if you eat at Elmer's Tacos or Guido's (two small authentic and delicious little places next to my high school that serve some very dangerous bean burritos). Submitted: The Impostor 11. Man who have hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Submitted: Mr. Destiny 12. Old man who sit on campfire have no hair by cracky. Submitted: Arrowhead 13. You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead. Submitted: Flowerchild 14. Let the Wookie win. Submitted: Flowerchild 15. When in doubt, get a bigger hammer. Submitted: Flowerchild 16. Never eat at a place called Mom's, never play cards with a man named Doc,and never sleep with a woman who has bigger troubles than your own. (An oldie but a goodie.) Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth) 17. Never eat anything bigger than your head. Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth) 18. In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said "Let there be light." There was still nothing,but now you could see it. Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth) 19. Okay, shut up already!!! Submitted: Starbuck 20. NEVER PISS ON YOUR NACHOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Submitted: kirk 21. A man who lives in a glass house should not throw rocks. Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 22. A man who owns land should not fling mud. Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 23. In the begining, there was nothing. Then God said "Let their be light..." Then God said "Thats what I get for hiering goverment contractors." Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 24. You live your life between your legs. Submitted: Leesper 25. Go to bed with an itchy butt, wake up in the morning with smelly fingers. Submitted: Leesper 26. If you go through a lot of hammers each month, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a hard worker. It may just mean you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maitenance. Submitted: Leesper 27. Watch for falling rocks, especially in your room. Submitted: Leesper 28. Don't eat cows unless they're dead. Submitted: Leesper 29. *WARNING* - Engage brain before putting mouth in gear. Submitted: Arrowhead 30. Klaatu Barada Nikto! Submitted: CTI(Otherwordly Advice Department) 31. Revenge is dish best served cold. Submitted: CTI(Otherwordly Advice Department) 32. All of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition Submitted: CTI(Otherwordly Advice Department) 33. A running man can slit a thousand throats in one night. Submitted: CTI(Otherwordly Advice Department) 34. Don't tug on Darth's cape Submitted: CTI(Otherwordly Advice Department) 35. Never, *ever*, under *any* circumstances, run out of duct tape. Submitted: Arrowhead 36. Only Nixon could go to China Submitted: CTI(Otherworldy Advice Department) 37. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me! Submitted: CTI(Otherworldy Advice Department) 38. When dealing with giant, radiation-mutated ants, spiders, grasshoppers, praying manti etc., do *not* attempt to squash them underfoot (even if you have *really* big feet, like mine!) Submitted: CTI(Otherworldy Advice Department) 39. If you're a vampire, always discard bags of blood after the "Best Before" date. Submitted: CTI(Otherworldy Advice Department) 40. If it ain't broke, don't fix it! Submitted: CTI(Otherworldy Advice Department) 41. Don't pull my finger unless you can handle the consequenses Submitted: The Mad Farter 42. If your cult leader says he's dying, get a second opinion. Submitted: BigGulp 43. You can lead a boy to college, but you can't make him think. Submitted: Flowerchild 44. You can only be young once, but you can remain immature for the rest of your life. Submitted: Flowerchild 45. anything i say Submitted: angrywhitemale 46. anything Rush says Submitted: angrywhitemale 47. anything Newt says Submitted: angrywhitemale 48. anything Ronald Reagan says Submitted: angrywhitemale 49. anything Richard Nixon said Submitted: angrywhitemale 50. Kimchi is nectar for the Gods. Submitted: mmm(?) 51. Garlic makes anything taste better. Submitted: mmm(?) 52. A red pepper never hurt a fly. Submitted: mmm(?) 53. Confucius say, "Math professor with constipation work it out with pencil." Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I 54. Confucius say, "Physics professor with diarrhea really understand Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle." Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I 55. Never go outdoors naked during mosquito season. Submitted: Tamarind Tonkatsu Diablo(@Corpus.collosum) 56. Never try to have carnal relations with a 'gator. Submitted: Tamarind Tonkatsu Diablo(@Corpus.collosum) 57. Watch Your Back... Submitted: Argent(merc@shadowland.loc) 58. ... Shoot Straight... Submitted: Argent(merc@shadowland.loc) 59. ... Conserve Your Ammo... Submitted: Argent(merc@shadowland.loc) 60. ... and above all... Submitted: Argent(merc@shadowland.loc) 61. ... _Never_ Cut a Deal With A Dragon Submitted: Argent(merc@shadowland.loc) 62. TRUST NO ONE Submitted: Deep Throat 63. When driving-never straight, always forword-----except when going in reverse Submitted: badlmente 64. Trust no one Submitted: Fox 65. Never ever eat yellow snow Submitted: Redhead 66. People who live in glass houses shouldn't play Naked Twister. Submitted: Dangerman 67. It's better to spend your life making mistakes than to spend your life doing nothing. (Trust me on this one!) Submitted: Dangerman 68. You can't uneat the apple. Submitted: Dangerman 69. Don't buy anything with the word 'Mariah' on it. Submitted: Dangerman 70. Never trust a ginger. Submitted: Dangerman 71. #46 Yeah, Rush is cool! One of the best Canadian rock bands ever! And Geddy Lee...who'da thought he'd get the "Order of Canada" medal, from the Governor General? Submitted: Arrowhead 72. #47 Let's hope he gets better! Submitted: Arrowhead 73. #48 Ronald Reagan? He never had a wise thought in his life; in fact, some would say he never actually had a *thought* in his life! Submitted: Arrowhead 74. #49 I think you're confused; besides being a crook, Nixon was a moderate in social and fiscal policy, and an opportunist politically. George Wallace, Barry Goldwater (until he became a liberal), and Wiilam F. Buckley were a lot more conservative than Nixon was! Submitted: Arrowhead 75. #45 *gag**sputter* (sound of me rolling on the floor laughing) Submitted: Arrowhead 76. Never argue with a liberal -- you can't help them see the truth and they'll only call you names for trying to do so. Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I 77. Help stamp out incest -- ban country music. Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I 78. Never wrestle a pig. You both get muddy, and the pig enjoys it. Submitted: Flowerchild 79. It's not the company that you keep(it's the company that keep you) Submitted: tedex(guest) 80. It's not the company that you keep(it's the company that keep you) Submitted: tedex(guest) 81. It's not the company that you keep(it's the company that keep you) Submitted: tedex(guest) 82. Never argue with a conservative--you can't help them see the truth and they'll only call you names for trying to do so. Submitted: Anti-Kalhoun 83. Money can't buy happienes but in can buy a faster connection to the internet witch is almost the same thing. Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com) 84. Life's short--toilet paper's expensive. Submitted: Buffy 85. I've got new socks on!!!! Submitted: Buffy 86. Never argue using an 'Anti-' alias and repeating someone else's statement nearly word-for-word -- it's easy to ignore you that way. Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I 87. GENERIC WISE SAYING, PARABLE OR STATMENT Submitted: GENERIC TOP-N USER 88. #76: Anyone who claims to know or see "the truth" is either a liar or a fool. Submitted: Arrowhead 89. Never, ever marry OJ. Submitted: The Showman(Kevin Kelley's evil alterego) 90. When in doubt, choose "C". Submitted: The Showman(Kevin Kelley's evil alterego) 91. Never, ever talk to little French albinos. They'll cause you a LOT of grief. Submitted: The Showman(Kevin Kelley's evil alterego) 92. #88: Is that a 'true' statement? Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I 93. #92: It's a quote from Mark Twain. Ask him! Submitted: Arrowhead 94. #93: Is it true that that's a quote from Mark Twain? For if you claim to know that that is true, you must be a liar or a fool, yes? Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This list started by The Eternal(In the Astral Plane) Last updated: Sun 13 Apr 97 21:20:33 Remember to press the RELOAD button to see your submissions! 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