things to do with a 900 foot penis * 1. hang yourself krista -- krista@is.cool * 2. have a car run over it krista -- krista@is.cool * 3. tyi it to a plane krista -- krista@is.cool * 4. bunji jumping krista -- krista@is.cool * 5. wap people with it krista -- krista@is.cool * 6. Make a japanese animé about it. Reedman -- Somewhere in Portland, Roegon * 7. Destroy tokyo with lazer cum. Reedman -- Somewhere in Portland, Roegon * 8. Start a band. Call it MC 900 Foot Penis. Tec42 -- lost@c * 9. Slice it thin and make sandwiches. DragonLady -- @dragon.dominatrix.com * 10. Name it King Dong. DragonLady -- @dragon.dominatrix.com * 11. A 900 foot penis? Cool! I'd love one of those. This big one gets in the way sometimes. Dangerman -- 900 foot nose * 12. Join the your local fire fighters as a spare hose. The Rat -- hole@the.wall * 13. Bobitt. The Rat -- hole@the.wall * 14. Get a circumcision to cut off your 250 foot forskin (you can get a hell of an infection with 250 feet worth). The Rat -- hole@the.wall * 15. DON'T wear a kilt. The Rat -- hole@the.wall * 16. Porn. They'd love ya. The Rat -- hole@the.wall * 17. Marry a BIG woman. -- * 18. Have your ego busted by a guy with a 1000 foot penis. -- * 19. Hey, the penis mighter than the sword. -- * 20. (Okay, so that was a bit lame, but I had to do it...) -- * 21. Just pray that you never get an erection. Tec42 -- lost@c * 22. Penis reduction surgery Jinxster -- * 23. The impromptu backstreet version of the above. Jinxster -- * 24. Long-distance relationships need never be a problem again... Jinxster -- * 25. Watch Louie "Middle Finger" Mazzella drool as he imagines eating two 137 pound testicles. Sammy the Bull -- sammy@gotti.schmotti.com * 26. Start selling Bobbit brand hot dogs. Mrrov -- eat@joe's * 27. skip Krista -- krista@is.cool * 28. swing on it Krista -- krista@is.cool * 29. trip people with it Krista -- krista@is.cool * 30. play baseball Krista -- krista@is.cool * 31. water your lawn with it Krista -- krista@is.cool * 32. Win every race you're in... by a head. Tec42 -- lost@c * 33. Most people prefer to keep their feet and their genitals seperate. ChAoS -- * 34. #33. Yeah, with all those feet it'd look something like a centipede. Crawler -- * 35. Hey.... reminds me of the classic "Godzilla penis argument" presented so long ago.... oh how I miss the old top-n. The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! -- * 36. Throw on a little spackle and some pink flamingo lawn ornaments, ship it to florida, and charge the geriatrics two bits a gander. The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! -- * 37. Give it to Janet Reno. I don't know why, but the idea of sending a colossal wang to that crusty old man strikes a chord deep within my soul. Oh... Where's my poetry notebook? The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! -- * 38. Paint a huge Dr. Zhivago mural on it and send it to your 11th grade english teacher. The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! -- * 39. Imbed it in the earth, and claim to have constructed a horrific new tower of babel. Force the world to concede to your demands, lest you send a fiery white rain of destruction down upon their cities. The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! -- * 40. Why would anyone want a 90x model of my penis? The Eternal -- No one can know * 41. #25- Watch Sammy the Bull suffer from major penis envy. louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- louie@dont.fuck.with.me.com * 42. Shit, Sammy, do you have any idea how satisfied you could make your mamma if you had a 900-foot penis? louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- louie@dont.fuck.with.me.com * 43. Excuse yourself, Sammy. Louie's nickname is just an alias. He DOES in fact have a 900 foot penis. And I think you're the one who wants to suck his balls. SweetiePie -- * 44. Louie, what do you do with yours? SweetiePie -- * 45. #44. Well, at about 9 o'clock every night, i un-strap it, curl up with it, and go to sleep. louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- * 46. Eff the Grand Canyon with it. Euell Gibbons -- @many.parts.are.edible.com * 47. #45- Listen you impostor, you might think no one knows who you are, but I do, and I also know where you live, and considering the fact you just...well...you *attempted* to insult me (didn't do too good a job, but you're an ass, so what can I expect?) that's not a good combination. Expect to receive a little...how can I say this?...a little *present* sometime soon. I'll keep it a secret, but I think you know it's not something you'd ask for. Louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- louie@watch.your.ass.com * 48. Oh, and SweetiePie...whoever you are...thanks and right back at ya! Louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- louie@watch.your.ass.com * 49. Oh, Louie, stop messing with me. You know me. Hell, I even saw your tattoo! SweetiePie -- I'm sweeter than sugar and I taste better too! * 50. #34. Centi-peter actually. ChAoS -- * 51. #50. I thought it would be a centi-penis. Crawler -- What is half horse half man and has 100 legs? A centaurpede. * 52. #40 - I think you left out a few zeros there, Eternal... Just Me -- * 53. Collapse from lack of blood flow to the brain. Just Me -- * 54. Use it to irrigate crops in every state in the Midwest from your home in Hawaii. Just Me -- * 55. A really big sandwhich Betty Sue -- * 56. attack an elephant Krista -- krista@is.cool * 57. have a hard time going to the bathroom Krista -- krista@is.cool * 58. have a hard time in the shower Krista -- krista@is.cool * 59. have a hard time buying pants and underwear Krista -- krista@is.cool * 60. sleep with cartman's mom Krista -- krista@is.cool * 61. hire people to help you masturbate Krista -- krista@is.cool * 62. and have a chick on the end screw it Krista -- krista@is.cool * 63. have one hell of a time buying condoms Krista -- krista@is.cool * 64. put kenny in it Krista -- krista@is.cool * 65. have some fun at the zoo Krista -- krista@is.cool * 66. dip it in liquid nitrogen Krista -- krista@is.cool * 67. wrap it around a telephone pole Krista -- krista@is.cool * 68. have one hell of a time buying condoms Krista -- krista@is.cool * 69. put kenny in it Krista -- krista@is.cool * 70. have some fun at the zoo Krista -- krista@is.cool * 71. dip it in liquid nitrogen Krista -- krista@is.cool * 72. wrap it around a telephone pole Krista -- krista@is.cool * 73. go waterskiing Krista -- krista@is.cool * 74. suck your own dick Krista -- krista@is.cool * 75. Get a chick with a 1,200 foot cunt. Sailor Earth -- * 76. Donate it to Howard Stern. Sailor Earth -- Started by: krista (krista@is.cool) Started on: Sun Mar 29 20:29:56 1998