Things you'd like to say over the supermarket PA system. * 1. This is a customer announcement. For the next ten minutes, everything in the store is free. If you encounter any problems with the security guards, cricket bats can be found in aisle 15. Dangerman -- * 2. *Yaaaawn...* I can't believe these morons are buying this crap. We really should buy more of our stock from Chernobyl, it's dirt cheap and doesn't glow too- Ooh, is this thing switched on? Dangerman -- * 3. The following is a list of shop assistants in this store with whom I have had sexual intercourse this week. Cheryl on meat products. Susan on Cheeses. Melanie on tobacco. Paul on fruit and veg. Dangerman -- * 4. I AM GOD! YOU WILL ALL OBEY ME OR FEEL THE MIGHT OF MY DAMNING FORCE! EVERYBODY.... DROP YOUR TROUSERS. Dangerman -- * 5. HAHAHA! I DIDN'T SAY 'GOD SAYS'! You're all out. Dangerman -- * 6. "Get ooorf moi laaaand." Dangerman -- * 7. EAT BEEF! -- * 8. 2 words. HANSON SUCKS!!! The Dark Underlord Biff -- * 9. HO HO HO, Green Giant The Dark Underlord Biff -- * 10. Buster Cherry? The Dark Underlord Biff -- * 11. Mike Rotch? The Dark Underlord Biff -- * 12. Mike Hunt? The Dark Underlord Biff -- * 13. For the next 5 minutes there will be a special on prostitutes in the meat department The Dark Underlord Biff -- * 14. Hi, yea, this is Bill your friendly manager, if you happen to stumble across my lung you can redeem it for 1% off your next $300 purchase The Dark Underlord Biff -- * 15. SCROTUM!!!! The Dark Underlord Biff -- * 16. 5 words. THE DARK UNDERLORD BIFF SUCKS!!!! some guy -- * 17. I AM THE SACRED MONKEY OF HHUB-OY YABUB! Behold my simian supremacy! Marvel at my meticulous monkiness! You may worship me as your new GOD! Now someone get me some diapers, it's starting to reek up here. The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub. -- Sacredmonkeyland@hotmail.com * 18. Greetings Comrades! It is niegh time that we, the protelariat liberated these vast reserves of food from the mouths of the overfed rich. We must take command of their communications, and strike at the corrupt heart of this twisted establishment. As I have already taken command of the communications via this PA, it is now your sacred duty as workers to raid the checkouts, and return with all candied plunder to me, the true leader of the communist faith. [Image] The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub!© Brand Wind up Lenin Dolly. -- lenindolly@sacredmonkeyland.com * 19. Ahem *Ding!* K-mart is now entering deathmatch hour. Please run as quickly as you can to the sporting goods section and grab a firearm. Open season has been declared. Campers will be shot on sight. Medkits can be found in the pharmacy section. Please refrain from escape attempts as the doors have been sealed. Fresh gibs will be served in the K-Cafe as soon as a winner has been declared. The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub.© Brand Quake(R) Division. "Gibbity goodness until you vomit pork ribblets and jolt all over the new rug" -- Sacredmonkeyland@hotmail.com * 20. Attention K-Mart shoppers! This is your store manager speaking. I would like to take this moment to reinforce the K-mart policy statement that NO harmful biohazardous materials have been released into your enviornment. Repeat, there HAS NOT been a spill of deadly microorganisms in the K-Cafe. Please be advised that K-mart IN NO WAY encourages or condones the testing of the ebola virus on it's customers. While the K-Cafe is now off-limits to consumers, there has NOT been a release of potentially fatal virii. Please note the Biohazard trucks outside are stationed there for your saftey, and are merely conducting routine health inspections. Unfortunately exit from K-mart at this juncture will result in instantaneous, fiery death, although I contend that this is due to an automatic door malfunction and NOT because of CDC flamethrower troops. Unfortunately, K-Mart requests that you remain here overnight, citing the Microdisclaimer enscribed in the K-mart Welcome© mats. There is a blue light special in the respirator section of pharmacy, save up to 50% if you get there within 6 minutes. I apologize for my inability to make this announcement in person, but K-Mart policy dictates that I remain in the airtight office area. Thank you for your patience, and as always, we hope you enjoy your stay at Tunnel Road K-mart. The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub© brand K-mart overnight stocker. -- Imreallygonnadothissomenight@stockman.com * 21. My butt hurts. -- * 22. GeNeRiC WiTtY EnTrY GeNeRiC ChAoTiC UsEr -- * 23. Attention K-Mart Shoppers... We have a blue light special in the blow job department.. Grandpa Moses -- tending the sheep * 24. OK???? WHO FARTED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Grandpa Moses -- tending the sheep * 25. You all suck! Grandpa Moses -- tending the sheep * 26. Oh yeah? Well I have the microphone, so YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY WORD I HAVE TO SAY! Dingo "Wedding Singer" Floyd -- docbrown@geocities.com * 27. Will the redhead "lady" wearing the Sewer District #5 baseball cap making obscene gestures and grimaces on the women's toilet video monitor please finish up and flush their baby? Mad Duck -- * 28. Will the ?lady? at register #5 with wet purple sneakers and baseball cap please retrieve her property and unplug the toilet in back? Duck, she's going to swing at you! -- * 29. Will the lady with the assorted farkels in her shopping cart please pick up her purse? SmElymouse -- Started by: Dangerman () Started on: Thu Jul 23 17:55:07 1998