Simple Duties

You make the bed	+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows	0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets	-1
You leave the toilet seat up	-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty	0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex	-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom	-2
You check out a suspicious noise at night	0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing	0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something	+5
You pummel it with a six iron	+10
It's her father	-10

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party	0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy	-2
Named Tiffany	-4
Tiffany is a dancer	-6
Tiffany has implants	-8

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner	0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar	+1
Okay, it is a sports bar	-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night	-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team	-10

Thoughtfulness

You forget her birthday completely	-20
You forget your anniversary	-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station	-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey	-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast	-60

A Night Out With The Boys

Go out with a pal	-5
And the pal is happily married	-4
Or frighteningly single	-7
And he drives a Mustang	-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)	-15
You have a few beers	-9
And miss curfew by an hour	-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call	-20
You get home at 3 am	-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars	-40
And not wearing any pants	-50
Is that a tattoo???	-200

Her Night Out

You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work	+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home real late	+10
You wait up	+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed	+20

A Night Out

You take her to a movie	+2
You take her to a movie she likes	+4
You take her to a movie you hate	+6
You take her to a movie you like	-2
It's called DeathCop 3	-3
Which features cyborgs having sex	-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans	-15

Flowers

You buy her flowers only when it's expected	0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it	+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself	+30
And she contracts Lyme disease	-25

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly	-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it	+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts	-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"	-800

Finances

You spend a lot of money on something impractical	-5
Something she can't use	-10
Such as a motorized model airplane	-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday	-40

Driving

You lost the directions on a trip	-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost	-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town	-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal	-25
You know them	-60

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression	0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes	+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV	+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep	-20

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)	-5
You hesitate in responding	-10
You reply, "Where?"	-35