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A good female friend of mine sent this to me a long time ago. I just never got around to putting it up. So here it is... Hope ya like it.

Element: Women
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6Kg, but known to vary from 40-200Kg.
Occurrences: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given correct treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.

Chemical Properties:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

Element: Man
Symbol: Ma
Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.

Physical properties:
a) Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.
b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God.
c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH.
d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo.
f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
i) When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

Chemical properties:
a) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.
b) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
c) When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
d) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
e) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
f) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

Best Uses:
a) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo.
b) Can be used in recreational activities.

Tests:
a) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.

Caution:
a) Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under correct conditions.

So there it is. All you scholars and scientist types out there can feel free to continue the study of these two significant species and send along your own findings. Also, if there have been any amendments to this MSDS, please pass it along to me so I may keep this form current.

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