Adventure 9 - El Ninja Mexicano

El Ninja Mexicano

Heroes: Jag, Zeke, Atobe Keigo, Dust, Pacci and Balarai Snowe
Enemies: Lt. Phil, William Mattar, and El Ninja Mexicano

Jag – Officer’s Dispatch 8
Recent Duties: With the conclusion of your investigation into Fredo the parrot’s death, you believe you’ve had more success than any other law firm at Front Base. What’s more, your huge publicity at the Awards Ceremony has brought in a tremendous number of calls. So many, in fact, that you’ve had to turn some of them over to your flunkies, Moran and Kufta. Even so, it’s looking likely that today will be yet another working lunch for you.
Troop Status
Supplies: PK-33 Handguns, Armored Flak Vests, Deluxe Laywers’ suits, field med-kit and briefcases full of legal documents. If you have your way, however, the Shark Pack’s bite is about to get a lot fiercer very soon.
Morale: Naturally, your recent legal success has only inspired your men to start scheming about how they’re going to beat you in court.
Health: Some of your men are concerned that those animals you fought yesterday might have rabies. They’d love to sue the owners for negligence of some kind, but unfortunately, they’re not quite sure just who to go after.
Military Communiques
You’ve been on the line with Law Division HQ, and it seems that the international community is starting to take even more notice of the Spheran-Electran conflict. In particular, the government of Arsa is concerned about the potential war crimes that may be occurring on both sides. Those things are against the Geneva Convention, after all, and you just won’t stand for them!
Personal Notes
Once again, Mattar is on the move! This time, he’s after Conventionals Lieutenant Dust on behalf of Phil, for the injury done to Fredo’s grave. Dust has come to you for defense, and begged you to protect him from the lawsuit Despite his earlier actions that involved shooting you, you agreed to take the case – mainly, of course, for the simple reason of stopping Mattar dead in his legal tracks.
Much to your dismay, it seems that Manfred von Richtoffen and his Flying Circus are still on the base. You were walking by the base’s airfield and saw he and his clowns attaching some kind of stickers or deckels all over their planes. Their presence is even more disturbing given the recent animal attack you suffered out in the mountains. You wouldn’t put it past those clowns to be up their old tricks.
Mini-Objective
Successfully defend Dust against the charges of his desecration of the dead.

Balarai Snowe – Officer’s Report 7
Recent Duties: Frankly, you’re not much of one for the pomp and ceremony associated with decorations and awards. The free food and champagne, however, were much more to your liking. And hopefully, all that skillful schmoozing with the brass will keep you and your boys off the frontlines for at least a little while.
Troop Status
Supplies: Heavy Field Mortars, 2 Remote Mines, Combat Daggers, ratched-up winter parkas and snowshoes, several barrels of oil, and some ‘incriminating’ pictures of Atobe Keigo and Brock together at the Officer’s banquet. In theory, you owe these latter items to Cetina.
Morale: It’s hard to imagine a better source of good morale than Kupp. His endless supply of war stories can keep the men entertained, and more importantly, out of trouble for hours.
Health: You have to say that, given his age, Kupp is in pretty darn good health. And naturally, his health is of much greater concern than that of the rest of your men, which is why he’s the only one mentioned here.
Military Communiques
The Auxiliaries are full of foreign soldiers, often with skills that are lacking in the rest of the Republic military. In particular, the Auxiliaries lines have recently been abuzz with a group of ninjas stationed up at Front Base. After all, what could be cooler than a ninja? Granted, you have yet to see these guys around the Auxiliaries camp yourself, but then, aren’t ninjas masters of stealth anyway?
You’ve heard word 'on the street' that the scientists at the R&D centre are in the final testing phases of a top secret project. You're not privy to what it is, but as a master of information, you certainly wouldn't mind finding out.
Personal Notes
It’s important to dress for the weather, and no one knows it better than the Avalanche. Apparently, the style of winter apparel is starting to catch on too. Lately, you’ve noticed “your” sergeant Funky walking around wearing some kind of red tuque with fur around the rim It seems there’s no style like Snowe style, after all.
It hasn’t taken you long at all to develop a liking towards your new sergeant, Kupp. However, lately, his left rotator cup has been bothering him non-stop, and you intend to see to it that something is done about it. There’s got to be a doctor on this base somewhere, after all.
Mini-Objective
Obtain proper medical treatment for Sgt. Kupp.

Zeke – Officer’s Report 12
Recent Duties: Fortunately, unlike certain parrots and your own real-life player, you are neither weak nor stupid. Not only did you manage to get some free booze and food at that Officer’s party without swallowing any sort of key, but you also got a captive audience for your chilling Ghost Stories. On the other hand, facing more wild animals put a bit of a damper on the whole thing. You can only be thankful that this time, there weren’t any lions.
Troop Status
Supplies: Hacksaw Shotguns, Combat Helms, Republic Sabres which you have no idea how to use, brand new leather Wheel jackets, a shiny new motorbike, and Zeke’s famous Haunted Tent of Horror.
Morale: The flashy new jackets you bought for your men have actually made them pretty cocky, particularly towards their neighbors, Snowe’s Avalanche. You just hope they don’t get that Fats Dynamo too upset, or else there could be trouble.
Health: Three of your boys are suffering from minor sprains and bruises. This is allegedly due to their clumsy attempts at various supremely cool ninja maneuvers, including trying to stop ninja-arrows with their hands. Needless to say, such endeavours have not turned out well.
Military Communiques
The Auxiliaries are full of foreign soldiers, often with skills that are lacking in the rest of the Republic military. In particular, the Auxiliaries lines have recently been abuzz with a group of ninjas stationed up at Front Base. After all, what could be cooler than a ninja? Granted, you have yet to see these guys around the Auxiliaries camp yourself, but then, aren’t ninjas masters of stealth anyway?
Personal Notes
Word is out that Coca-Cola is taking it to the streets! Some of your boys have told you that the popular soft drink company has launched a massive, aggressive advertising blitz throughout all of Front Base, and that Coke promotional material is everywhere. As a staunch Coke supporter over its substandard rival of Pepsi, you intend to get your hands on this merchandise. After all, maybe you could even get a corporate Coke sponsorship out of the deal!
You can’t help but wonder how Mr. Robles’ project has been coming along during your time in Stratholme. And more importantly, whether or not it might be worth something on the market. You've always got an eye for business, and it might be worth keeping an eye on that R&D centre just out of “interest’s” sake.
Mini-Objective
Obtain as much Coca-Cola paraphernalia as possible.

Atobe Keigo – Officer’s Report 7
Recent Duties: The honour of the once proud Atobe name is worth anything to you, and lately, that ‘anything’ seems to consist of endless jibes from your men about taking Brock to the Officer’s Soiree. Fortunately, a tennis ball to the head usually shuts them up well enough. And on top of that, you just can’t wait to get a chance to brag to that snotty Cetina about meeting the great Kilant face-to-face.
Troop Status
Supplies: FLAME-THROWERS, Deluxe uniforms and kamikaze headbands. These latter items seem to have convinced your men that they are in fact ninjas, often with less than desirable results.
Morale: The recent ninja craze that has swept over your men has put them in very good spirits. They’ve been spending all their time reading ninja manga, running around your tent and trying to break wooden boards with their hands.
Health: Needless to say, all this board-breaking has resulted in a fair number of cuts and splinters. This has resulted in multiple trips to the base’s medical corps From what your men tell you, the doctor there is rather eccentric, but he must get the job done considering how quickly your men have been coming back.
Military Communiques
None.
Personal Notes
The situation with Brock is quickly getting out of hand. As a self-proclaimed master chef, he’s promised to cook an extravagant four-course meal for just the two of you this evening. Although the prospect of a meal other than Stenda’s health food is attractive, if word of this got out, it would be disastrous for your reputation.
You are very much looking forward to turning the tables on that uppity Cetina. She’s mocked your hair and your lineage for the last time. You don’t intend to let her forget for even a second about how she missed rubbing shoulders with the most important officers at the base.
You recently received a phone-call from Deksiilan political prisoner, Axen Dredd, demanding an update on his ‘imminent’ release. After enduring his ranting for a good five minutes, you walked away and left your phone hanging. Last you checked, he still hadn’t even noticed.
Mini-Objective
Mercilessly hound Cetina about your presence at the Officer’s Soiree.

Dust – Officer’s Report 6
Recent Duties: Lately, you’ve been spending most of your time trying to soothe the panicky Boyos. After their recent animal encounter, they seem to be taking the old adage “Watch out for snakes” to a whole new level. In fact, you’ve been working so hard that you feel like Jag – you haven’t had time to eat. As such, your famished, and could really go for a healthy vegetarian lunch right about now.
Troop Status
Supplies: SIR Rifles, Republic Sabres, Deluxe Scout Uniforms, and a Spheran ‘Highwind’ Light Infantry Rifle.
Morale: The Boyos are scared stiff, and have recently spent all their time repeatedly searching their tent for both snakes and lawyers, almost with equal trepidation. You have to admit that even you don’t’ know which one you’d rather meet in a dark alley.
Health: Lately, you’ve noticed your men guzzling an awful lot of soft drinks. You’re not quite sure where they’ve been getting them, but if they’re not careful, they could end up getting fat and rotting their teeth!
Military Communiques
It seems that Conventionals High Command is in an uproar right now over the ‘scandalous’ events at Kilant’s Awards Ceremony. In particular, awarding the Republic Cup of Triumph to a non-Electran has never been done before. You’re thinking that you made quite the right decision in not getting up there on the stage yourself and adding to the general kerfuffle.
Personal Notes
You’ve got big troubles of your own to worry about. You’ve just learned that William Mattar, auto-injury lawyer, is filing a case against you. His client is Special Forces Lt. Phil, who’s suing over the ‘emotional trauma’ caused to him and to his wife by your desecration of Fredo’s grave. In your own defense, you can only say that if Fredo wasn’t so weak and stupid, he wouldn’t have been dead to begin with. Nevertheless, to defend you from these allegations, you’ve called in Jag. Together, the two of you have got to put together a case to defend your good name!
Coca-cola paraphernalia seems to be everywhere around the base. They’ve even put banners up all over the targets at the Training Course that you saw while you were out practicing your marksmanship. You wouldn’t mind so much if the red-and-white colors didn’t remind you so much of that disgusting KFC.
Mini-Objective
Defend your good name in the face of William Mattar’s injury lawsuit.

Pacci – Officer’s Report 4
Recent Duties: The last few days have been a bit of a daze for you, ever since the fall of the city of Stratholme. You remember the wall exploding and collapsing all around you, causing your men to run about in a frantic, Pac-man like panic. You also remember being whisked away on Major Rommel’s amazing sidehack motorcycles. However, you somehow got lost on the way back to the city centre, and found yourself wandering around the city’s sewer system. That place was like a maze down there, and for some reason, you felt the need to explore each and every corridor of it. Eventually, you and your men escaped via a storm drain that led into a nearby mountain river, which you managed to follow back to Front Base. You can only hope that there haven’t been any more exciting ghost sightings in your absence.
Troop Status
Supplies: PK-33 Handguns, SIR Rifles, Bright Yellow Deluxe Uniforms, plenty of fruit and pretzels, and a fashionable European carry-all. Your supply of said fruit and pretzels is running rather low, since you’ve had nothing else to eat while wandering the sewers.
Morale: It’s hard not to be cheerful with bright yellow uniforms like the Pac’s.
Health: Despite their recent trials, the Pac is in good shape. They are, however, still a little smelly. Apparently, that sewer stench just doesn’t come out in a single wash.
Military Communiques
There seems to be some kind of big hullabaloo at Conventional High Command over some awards ceremony that recently happened at Front Base. You’re not quite sure what all the fuss is about, it appears to be a bunch a talk about some sort of chalice or cup. This frequent mentioning of drinking vessels has certainly served to make more than a bit thirsty though.
Personal Notes
As a result of your trek through the sewers, you’ve been eating nothing but pretzels for days. Man, those pretzels sure are salty! So much so, in fact, that you’ve developed a near unquenchable thirst. In fact, you feel absolutely parched, and are ready to drink practically anything in sight. Not that Pacman has ever been particularly picky about what went into his mouth.
You recently went down to the Supply Tent to see if you could pick up some spare yellow uniforms for your men, while they wash their usual ones. Unfortunately, all that they had were several sets of red-and-white uniforms with some kind of circular logo on the back. You aren’t particularly pleased about making your men wear such a thing, but that sewer stench just doesn’t seem to want to come out.
Mini-Objective
Consume as many different beverages as you possibly can, while…
Remark to as many people as possible about how those pretzels of yours are making you thirsty.

Adventure Summary

McMason takes pictures of the dead animal bodies, while Kupp continues to remark on their unusual aggression. A carcass is dragged back to Front Base and brought to the R&D centre. After bypassing the argumentative Q, our heroes reach the Egg. He claims to be very busy with the near-completion of some 'project,' but after loosening his tie in Keigo's presence, he agrees to analyze the carcass for any abnormalities.

Our heroes meet for lunch the next day in the Mess Hall. Zeke and Keigo are both shouting like ninjas, while Snowe shows off his pictures to Cetina. Vidal Sassoon receives a custom-made Eggplant Casserole, but leaves to wash his hands. Despite the egging on from his companions, Dust resists eating it only through an extreme act of willpower. Pacci asks for everyone's drinks and grows incredibly excited at Snowe's repeated mention of 'Kupp' (or Cup...).

Keigo begins taking shots at Cetina over her personal speech with Kilant. Cetina retaliates with Snowe's pictures, and news that Brock is allegedly cooking a 'gourmet dinner' for Keigo as they speak.

The ladies' snarky bantering is interrupted, however, by the arrival of a smooth Spanish man in a white tuxedo, who introduces himself as Senor Alejandro. He tells the girls not to make war when they can all make love together instead. He punctuates this remark with a drink from his can of El Coca-Cola. Pacci immediately asks to finish the can, and Zeke asks to keep it when he's done. Senor Alejandro then makes his exit, with both Cetina and Keigo in tow (neither of whom can admit that Alejandro would choose the other over them.)
Dust and Jag retire to Jag's office to begin preparing Dust's case against Mattar.
Zeke searches the base for Coca-Cola paraphernelia. He obtains Coke banners from the target range, Coke towels from the Exercise field, Coke uniforms from Mahmood and several bottles of Coke from Brock's 'gourmet' dinner.

Pacci searches the base for beverages. His quest leads him first to Brock for some coke and mineral water, then to Stone Cold, where he drinks several cases of Steveweiser beer. Not used to so much alcohol, he stumbles into the Auxiliaries section and obtains some more liquor from Snowe's men. He finally heads to the base water supply and falls in, trying to drink it up.

Keigo meets Funky and buys his official Coca-cola Santa Hat off of him.

Snowe heads to the Medical tent with Kupp, but Dr. Rumack is allegedly famished and needs some lasagna. Snowe heads straight to Brock, who has a lasagna in the oven for the meal last night, and obtains said lasagna by trading in several pictures of Keigo and Brock at the Soiree. He then returns to the Doctor, who after a hearty lunch, agrees to 'help' Kupp in his usual fashion.

Zeke meets Keigo and trades his fake Santa-Hat TBA for her real one.

Jag and Dust head to court for Dust's defense. Mattar calls several witnesses to the stand, including Keigo to testify on Dust's cowardice in the battle with Pandaro and Grizzlor, Lt. Surge to testify to his cowardice at the awards ceremony, and Jag to testify how Dust once shot him. Jag's tactic is based on discrediting Fredo, emphasizing his unworthiness of a soldier's burial. His witnesses include Keigo, about Fredo defecating on her tent and thus wounding her troops' morale and Kal Meecham to attest to Fredo's aerial incompetence. In the end, despite several offers to buy lunch from Mattar, Presiding Judge Joe Brown rules in favor of Dust.

Snowe rescues Pacci from the base water supply and begins to sober him up. On their way back, as darkness falls, the two notice some strange masked men making their way to the R&D centre. They rush back to get their troops and their companions to move on the fortress-like reseach base.

A deadly night-time battle ensues, with our heroes trying to penetrate the R&D centre past 4 groups of trained ninja: Iga Ninja, Koga Ninja, Shinobi Ninja and Mexican Ninjas. Despite Kupp's slow speed afoot, they manage to do so.

Barging inside, their troops disperse to battle the ninjas who have taken over the base, while our heroes rush into its depths. They are confronted by a man in a terrible white ninja outfit who declares himself to be El Ninja Mexicano. A furious fight ensues, with El Ninja terrifying our heroes with his fearsome 'HWWWOOAAAAAAHHHHH!!!' and refreshing himself with an ice-cold El Coca-Cola. In the end though, he is defeated by a massive punch from Zeke, and a slender, metal cylinder drops from his belt. Zeke picks up the unusual 'flashlight,' and ominous music begins to play as the Adventure curtain is closed on our heroes' victory...

Major Characters this Session
Senor Alejandro
Race: Fenixan
Rank: Civilian
Affiliation: ???
At first glance, Senor Alejandro would appear to many to be nothing more than a wealthy, carefree dilettante and playboy. He was a dashing, Mexican-looking man with slick black hair, a white tuxedo and a ubiquitous can of El Coca-cola the Spanish version of a particularly famous beverage. Alejandro claimed to be the son of a wealthy Senator, visiting the base with the other politicians, but in fact he would be found to be much more. In his other, deadlier incarnation as El Ninja Mexicano, he wore an impractical white ninja-suit with the El Coca-cola logo on the back. In the end, however, even his impressive ability to crush a can of El Coke proved no match for our heroes' kung-fu.

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