Funny Business

Heroes: Jag, Zeke, Atobe Keigo, Dust, and Pacci
Enemies: Richan, Airman, Rei Gansei, Senator Lamika and "Captain" Smith


Jag – Officer’s Dispatch 27

Recent Duties: By this point, it’s clear that there’s only one law in Electra City, and that law is Jag. With the defection of many of the Special Forces and Auxiliaries alike and the general untrustworthiness of your fellow officers, you are both law and order, and you intend to see to it that your verdict is delivered.

Troop Status

-Supplies: Schmitzer SMGs, Armored Flak Vests, Deluxe Laywers’ suits, and briefcases full of legal documents.

-Morale: As usual, your men are rather cynically skeptical of the promise of a ‘break’ as promised by Kilant, since they know full well there’s no such thing. Mattar has even criticized you rather vocally for allegedly ‘agreeing’ to said break.

-Health: Some of your men claim to be suffering from smoke-inhalation related injuries from the affair at the Lyonlot hangar. Ex-Commander Exavur may be dead, but that likely won’t stop the Shark Pack from going after his estate, whatever that may be.

Military Communiques

-True to his word, in recognition of your recent heroic efforts, Kilant has granted you both some time off, and a ticket to attend the performance of the Flying Sandos Brothers, an act that has been sweeping Electra city with its popularity. Normally, you’re not big into such shows, but you’ve got a box seat, so hopefully you can just work through the performance.

-As is often the case with Kilant, however, this ‘break’ is more than it seems. Those hippy-gypsy Sandos Brothers have just arrived in town, and given the general wartime instability in Electra City and the surrounding countryside, the fact that any act would still be touring about is highly suspicious. Kilant suspects something dodgy, and has asked you to investigate. Normally, this is the kind of task that would go to Balarai Snowe, but now you’re all the Commander’s got.

Personal Notes

-You’re a man who believes in dressing up for going out, and that includes today’s entertainment performance. As such, you’ve dusted out your very best suit-jacket – the one you normally only wear for writing the bar – for the special occasion. The jacket is even adorned with the crest of your law school, and will surely make you the sharpest dressed man around.

-Your military colleagues never seem to have any difficulties finding trouble to cause. You got a phone-call this morning from the police precinct stating that one ‘Officer Dorn’ is currently being detained at the downtown prison for harassment charges. Of course, you weren’t really aware he was officially in the military, but right now you need all the help you can get.

Mini-Objective

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Zeke – Officer’s Report 22

Recent Duties: While nothing scares you more than the sight of bombs falling from the sky, commanding officers doing the same would have to come close. And unfortunately, none of the defense rolls you have seem to be effective against it either. On the other hand, you were rather pleased to hear of the destruction of the Special Forces flagship. The last thing this army needs is more planes sitting around!

Troop Status

-Supplies: Hacksaw Shotguns, Biker Helms, Steel Breastplates, brand new leather Wheel jackets, Zeke’s Tent of Horrors, different multiple watches, Delta Mark IV motorcycles!! and a wooden walking stick.

-Morale: The Wheel is a bit unsettled at the fact that most of the Auxiliaries seem to have abandoned the Republic and joined the hordes of the Khan. You, on the other hand, are rather pleased that this defection, along with Snowe’s death, makes you the third-ranking Auxiliaries officer on the base.

-Health: Two of your men are still a little shell-shocked from loading their bikes into that dangerous plane under fire from Byrne-White’s tank. Of course, it’s not like you needed any more excuses to dislike the guy.

Military Communiques

-You’ve found upon returning to the base that Captain Mace seems to have been promoted to acting Auxiliaries commander. Given the man to whom that post once belonged, you’re not sure it’s a particularly safe position, which is why you’re glad it’s not you. Apparently, Rodric is still around here somewhere too, but other than that, Auxiliaries officers have become few and far between.

Personal Notes

-There’s no doubt about, you could use some entertainment, and recently, there seems to be quite a lot of talk about just that in this city. People seem to be all worked up about a new comedy/acrobatic act called the Flying Sandos Brothers. You’ve already managed to purchase tickets for said performance from Funky, where you pulled the usual denomination trick and got a deuce for 50 pesos. You're quite confidant you can re-scalp the additional ticket for considerably more than that.

-While you’re eager to see the Sandos Brothers’ act, you can’t help but wonder if they’ve got anything on THE clown from your childhood, Bozo the Clown. In fact, you don’t really know how anyone could call themselves a clown or any other sort of entertainer if they haven’t heard of Bozo the Clown. Bozo is THE clown, and you intend to see to it that everyone knows about it.

-Those tanks in the dry lake really reminded you how much you hate bombs. So much so that you’re almost liable to panic at any mention of them. You really hope you’re through with any bomb-related threats for the next while.

Mini-Objective

-??

-??

Atobe Keigo – Officer’s Report 26

Recent Duties: Well. Exavur, once known as Smith and ‘Smithie’ to his friends, is dead, and dead men tell no tales. Hopefully, it should also mean you can breathe a little easier for the next little while, now that it’s clear where your allegiance lies. Kilant is right, you really could use a break.

Troop Status

-Supplies: FLAME-THROWERS, crimson uniforms, kamikaze headbands, LUBOSH, your personal tennis trainer (who you can’t stand for much longer!!), Crimson Armor of the Republic, and your original Coca-Cola hat.

-Morale: Seigaku has been spending most of their time recently playing with their new mascot, Flammie. This has unfortunately resulted in several minor incendiary incidents in their barracks, but luckily with so many Special Forces gone, they can always just commandeer another one. On the other hand, Echizen has been whining that several of his tennis fangirls seem to have left him for another idol, and this has not pleased him in the least.

-Health: Playing with Flammie can be hazardous business, and a couple members of Seigaku are suffering from minor burns. Stenda has recommended protective oven mitts or something of the sort to help stem the problem.

Military Communiques

-True to his word, in recognition of your recent heroic efforts, Kilant has granted you both some time off, and a ticket to attend the performance of the Flying Sandos Brothers, an act that has been sweeping Electra city with its popularity. While you are a little concerned about the foreign nature of these performers, you’re not about to turn down free tickets.

Personal Notes

-Ever since ‘saving’ both your house and your family from ‘dangerous’ criminals, your tennis instructor Lubosh has gone from excrutiatingly annoying to absolutely intolerable!! You can’t take it anymore, and have resolved that one way or another, he needs to go. Unfortunately, ever since he defeated Jag in your mother’s presence, she’s refused to entertain any talk of his dismissal. But surely there’s got to be someone man enough around here to get the job done.

-You can’t believe that all this time, Balarai Snowe was an agent for Kilant, but it does explain a thing or two. However, you’re not without covert experience yourself now, and hopefully Kilant will soon trust you enough to take over some of that work.

Mini-Objective

-??

 

Dust – Officer’s Report 25

Recent Duties: You can’t say you’re the least bit unhappy to see that despicable ‘Captain’ Smithie finally dealt with. The same can’t be said, sadly, for Balarai Snowe. Why, that man was one of the few on the planet who really understood Denchulli culture. Though come to think of it, you’re still a little confused about what that Denchulli Chief business was all about…

Troop Status

-Supplies: SIR Rifles, Camouflage Scout Uniforms, Sniper Scopes, Field Mortars, and Climbing Spikes. You really can’t agree with those loud, unprofessional mortars and can’t quite see how Snowe tolerated the things.

-Morale: As per usual, the Boyo Scouts are in a bit of a frightful tizzy, and this time, the cause is clowns. Due to the opening of several travelling entertainment shows, there have been clowns all over the city. And the Denchulli in you has to admit, clowns can be pretty scary.

-Health: The Boyos’ health is probably better than your own right about now. That dry lake was definitely awfully dry, and the dust seems to have given you a bit of a hacking cough. Which is really rather ironic, given your name and all.

Military Communiques

-You recently received a message reputed to be from Conventionals Supreme Command, but it must have gotten garbled in transmission. All you could really hear from it were the words “Wakka wakka!”

-You’ve heard that some of your other Republic officers have received complimentary tickets to a performance by the travelling Flying Sandos Brothers. You were pretty sure Kilant promised a break to all of you, but you have yet to receive any ticket of your own. Mahmood has claimed to you that they must be lost in the paper-work, or alternatively stolen by the ghost of Glenn Beck, but you know that this is really just another attempt to keep down the Denchulli man!! Well, one way or another, you are going to that show, just to stick it to them all.

Personal Notes

-You have another good reason to be interested in finding quality entertainment. Your sister Daria’s birthday is coming up in just a few days, and you’d like to find some entertainment for her party. Apparently, word of your party-organizing skills has gotten around and you’ve got a lot to live up to here!

Mini-Objective

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-??

 

Pacci – supreme Commander’s Report 18

Recent Duties: Wakka-wakka!! Everybody seems so worked up over the defeat of that Smithie fellow, or the death of Balarai Snowe, and yet to your shock and horror, they don’t appear too concerned about the near-death of your good friend, Protoman!! He would have been finished if his energy core had run out. Good thing that you’re around to protect good robots like him and thwart the schemes of Dr. Wily wherever you find them.

Troop Status

-Supplies: PK-33 Handguns, SIR Rifles, Bright Yellow Deluxe Uniforms, and a fashionable European carry-all which no longer contains several Energeon Cubes, a Verizon wireless cell-phone, an amazing vintage Pacman arcade machine, and Protoman’s whistle.

-Morale: The Pac is a little bit concerned that without Energeon cubes, the Pacman machine may be in danger of losing power. So far, however, this has yet to be case. In fact, with Stone Cold Steve Austin in prison, your hope is that the machine will be safer than ever..

-Health: The Pac is suffering from no ill effects, other than their usual unstoppable hunger, although some have suggested that Energeon Cubes are equally nourishing. You’re not sure, however, if this theory should be put to the test.

Military Communiques

-As the new Supreme Commander of the Conventionals Division, you’ve been sending numerous ‘official’ messages, although quite frankly, you can’t remember what most of them are. You also now consider anything that comes in on your Verizon cell-phone a ‘military communique’.

-On that note, Stone Cold Steve Austin has phoned you from his location in the downtown prison and demanded you bring his bail. He claims to be stuck in a cell with some wussy, bare-chested jack-ass who spends all his time staring at their nearby female police officer. While you probably should get him out eventually, you think it would be safer for everyone if he stayed behind bars for just a little longer.

Personal Notes

-There is peril once again in the robot world, but not quite of the usual form. Your new ally Protoman has recently come to you with dire news: a fiend calling himself Clown Man has appeared in the city and is wreaking havoc, claiming to be an evil Wily robot. As far as you’re concerned, this is terrible: no one that stupid could really be a Wily robot, but if word of this kook gets out, nobody will ever take you seriously about the threat of Dr. Wily again. This ridiculous clown must be stopped, and revealed for the charlatan that he is.

Mini-Objective

-??


Adventure Summary

  • Having parachuted to the ground, the heroes, plus Kilant, meet up with Zeke and the Wheel on the Shining Plain. Kilant tells them that he has an escape route in the form of a cargo plane waiting at the edge of a dried-up lake.
  • Arriving there, they find the plane waiting at the end, but they also find two units of Conventionals, and a tank, all commanded by Major-General Byrne-White. Leaving Zeke and his full unit to tend to the opposition, the badly hurt heroes make a dash for the plane, with Zeke barely getting on before take off.
  • Kilant informs them that their efforts in defeating Exavur and their work in Crescentia have warranted a break, and that he has arranged entertainment.
  • The next day, the heroes, plus Zeke, meet in the O.C. as per usual. The hot topic is that of the Flying Santos Brothers, to which some of them have tickets. Dust does not, and is incensed, declaring that this is just another attempt to keep the Denchuli man down.
  • Zeke happens to have a ticket he is "willing to part with". Dust is particularly unhappy, because Mahmood told him that his ticket had been lost in paperwork, or perhaps stolen by Glen Beck's ghost. Dust immediately suspects the foreign man, but pays 40 marks for the ticket, having to borrow the remainder of Pacci's money. Zeke keeps going on about some clown named "Bozo", and that any clown must be inferior to him. The others appear to have no clue what he's talking about.
  • Pacci asks them if any of them have heard of a diabolical robot named "Clown Man". Everyone laughs, except Dust, who indignantly points out that clowns can be quite frightening. Pacci, it seems, must go alone on his robot-quest.
  • Dust heads off, but not before getting Jag to agree to a tennis rematch with Lubosh for Daria's upcoming birthday party. Apparently, Dust's party-arranging skills have become well-known, and he has been asked to provide entertainment. Humiliating Lubosh seems to him to be a good start.
  • Lubosh seems very, very reluctant to play Jag again, but agrees to coach Dust and Seamus in a doubles match versus Jag and Shellbach. Jag is less pleased with this arrangement, though it seems to be satisfactory.
  • Coming back to the base, Dust runs into Pacci, who is out hunting for "Clown Man". Tagging along, the two look up one "Eric the Clown", who is hard on his luck. Apparently, all the clowns in the city have been threatened, and the only show in town is the Santos Brothers. Pacci asks Eric if he's heard of a "Clown Man", to which the clown replies that he has, and that he was seen near the theatre at which the Santos brothers are to perform.
  • Pacci heads to the theatre, but can't talk his way in, even though he refers to himself as the Supreme Commander of the Conventionals. He tries to use a "bomb threat" as an excuse to get in, but they tell him that the theatre has been very thoroughly searched.
  • Pacci manages to scam the bank out of 50 "bucks" to pay Funky for a scalped ticket, and lines up with the others, who have arrived for the show.
  • As the group sits in their box seats, the show begins. The Santos Brothers seem to be largely mediocre, their biggest trick being a six-man human pyramid. Using it to get to the heroes' box seats, the brothers attempt to do a "magic trick" with Jag's suit jacket, and simply toss it into the crowd, where it seems to disappear. Jag is infuriated, but everyone else seems to love this trick, applauding wildly.
  • Meanwhile, Pacci heads downstairs after sighting a clown. Confronting him, he finds out that the clown is in fact clown man. But a short (though exhausting) duel later, Pacci finds, to his sadness, that Clown Man is not actually a robot, but instead is just a guy wearing a clown outfit.
  • Zeke, during the show, hears someone mention "bomb threat". Never liking explosions, the foreigner yells "bomb?!" and runs madly towards the exit, shoving old ladies and little kids (in the form of the members of Seigaku) down as he goes.
  • After the show, Jag is out for blood, but can't find his jacket. A few of the Santos Brothers are there, but claim not to have his jacket. Their brothers, they say, have gone for a post-show drink at Paddy Flaherty's.
  • Arriving at the faux-Denchuli pub, they find a few Santos Brothers, but they quickly bolt through the back alley. The group runs after them, back into the theatre.
  • Back in the theatre, they find not only the Santos Brothers, but a number of boxes and crates as well. Cutting them open, they find Spheran half-lances and Highwind light infantry rifles. The Santos Brothers don't seem to like this intrusion, and rush towards them.
  • The fight is painful. The Brothers are able to form pyramids dealing 1d12 damage per member, as well as make weapons "disappear". Pacci goes down quickly, drained from his battle with Clown Man, and the others manage to hold up, defeating the Brothers. They claim some of the weapons as their own - Zeke takes an armload of half-lances for his unit, while Dust takes a Highwind rifle to replace the one given to the Khan.
  • The heroes get a radio transmission - the senate building is under attack by Spherans. Rushing over, they find that Lady Draven of Stormwind, along with a number of her followers, have assaulted the steps of the hallowed building. The building is held by a lone squad of senatorial guards. Despite this, the heroes lay into the Spherans, inflicting massive casualties before Kilant arrives and Draven flies off. And with this, the adventure ends, ravens still on the wind.

Major Characters this Session

Eric the Clown
Race: Electran
Rank: Civilian
Affiliation: None

Eric the Clown was a local Electran entertainer who was a bit down on his luck - the evil Clown Man had been shutting down clown shows all over the city with his bomb-threats. In spite of this, he still showed more bravery than certain members of the Republic Military, putting out the fuse of one such bomb with his big shoe. He had also never heard of any clown named 'Bozo,' which some might argue makes him hardly a clown at all.

The Flying Sandos Brothers
Race: Fenixan
Rank: Civilian
Affiliation: The Spheran Coalition

The Flying Sandos brothers were allegedly travelling gypsies and entertainers who were putting on a show in the embattled city of Electra. However, it turns out they were employed by the Spheran army to smuggle their troops into the city for an attempted abduction of the city's Senators. In battle, the Brothers could form a massive human period, and with a cry of the magic word Agrabah could take weapons and hurl them away, causing them to disappear. Agrabah!



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