Heroes: Jag, Atobe Keigo, Pacci, and Lord Flash
Enemies: Q, Woodman, Jackie Chiles, Katra, George Foreman and She-Ra, Princess of Power
Jag – Officer’s Dispatch 33
Recent Duties: Hah hah hah: Rivagris! Her defeat is only more proof, if you needed it, of the superiority of Electran technology and culture over primitive Spheran feudal knights. She should have stuck to doing laundry like a good home-maker. Which reminds, your suit could really use a good press.
Troop Status
-McMason has gone out to get some good shots of Rivagris’ corpse. The location of the rest of the Shark Pack remains unknown.
Military Communiques
-With virtually no road access to the jungle, Commander Kilant has decided that the fastest way to evacuate Lord Keldon and his forces is by water. He has dispatched a flotilla down the Crystal River for this purpose. Lord Keldon, in the meantime, is gathering his forces from the jungle in preparation for the evacuation. He has indicated he will contact you when they are ready.
-The only docking area in this part of the jungle, however, is the Robles lab. While the company has extensive military contracts, they are still privately owned. As such, you’ll have to head down there and negotiate use of their docking facilities for your incoming boats as soon as possible.
-In regards to this lab, however, you have received some rather troubling orders. Should the Dragon’s forces converge on the area, you have been given instructions to destroy the facility before they reach it. Your only other instructions were to ensure the evacuation of ‘the sphere’ – whatever that is supposed to mean.
Personal Notes
-Despite your concerns on the matter, you saw no sign of Jackie Chiles while searching for the Spheran base in the area. Unfortunately, that can only mean he’s here for another reason, and whatever it is, it can’t be good for you. You believe you’re the most successful lawyer in this jungle, and you intend to prove it.
-Apparently, some of Chiles’ guides have returned to the Jungle Tours agency in the Bizarre Bazaar. For the right price, they’d surely be willing to report on his activities, so you may have to pay them a visit.
Mini-Objective
-Negotiate the use of the Robles Lab docking facilities.
-Thwart Jackie Chiles in whatever endeavor he’s attempting.
Atobe Keigo – Officer’s Report 32
Recent Duties: All things considered, you could really use a bath. If it’s not to wash away the grime of fighting a filthy Spheran, it’s for the slimy pall of stone-age chauvinism that hangs over this whole jungle. Unfortunately, you can’t even do that without risk of being spied on by these pigs. You can’t wait to get out of here and back to the civilization that someone of your breeding deserves.
Troop Status
-Unfortunately, your only subordinate you have discovered in this gods-forsaken jungle is the one you hoped you’d never have to see again. Of Brock, Stenda and the others, there has still been no sign.
Military Communiques
-None.
Personal Notes
-You don’t know exactly what’s going on, but it looks like Jag has cut some kind of deal with Sir Karsh and his Spherans. Sometimes you have to wonder just whose side that lawyer is on! You don’t recall him being any higher-ranking than the rest of you, and are outraged that you weren’t consulted about this decision.
-Lt. Ivy is right about one thing – there certainly are a lot of Spherans out to get you. The Hell Knight may be dealt with, but last you recall the lady Sylgris was washed down the river with the rest of you, and she would surely not be pleased with this latest turn of events. If she is indeed alive and looking for revenge, it would be best to know sooner rather than later.
-Like all foreigners, that Fenixan merchant Lady Feyne seemed a suspicious sort. You wonder exactly why she seemed so interested in Special Forces Major Khaurus Vanbaal. Not that he isn’t sufficiently suspicious himself, being a foreigner and all.
Mini-Objective
-Complain about the lack of civilized amenities as much as possible.
-Discover what happened to Sylgris the Dragonlady.
Pacci – supreme Commander’s Report 24
Recent Duties: Normally, you’re quite a forgiving fellow, but kidnapping poor inept Bumblebee just crosses the line. That evil Rivagris must be sorry for tangling with you and General Quacci. Much like you’d be sorry if you had missed out on Dr. Ewell B. Saari’s Magical Elixir. After all, you may need all the magic you can get, for by all accounts, there’s much greater danger than mere Spherans lurking in this jungle…
Troop Status
-You’re glad that Bumblebee is safe and sound, but unfortunately he doesn’t know what’s happened to the rest of the Pac. It’s too bad they’re missing out on this amazing adventure here in the jungle!
Military Communiques
-None.
Personal Notes
-By all accounts, it seems that the lawyer Jag has negotiated some kind of deal with Sir Karsh and his Spherans. As far as you’re concerned, this is an outrage – how could he strike such a deal without first consulting his superior officer, YOU!! Given that he’s a mere lieutenant and you’re a Supreme Commander, you really think you should have been in on this deal.
-The Uwok natives whisper in fear of some kind of wooden demon that is said to haunt the local jungles. However, you know full well that any ‘demon’ made out of wood can only be the evil Wily robot, Woodman!! After all, where else would Woodman hide out other than a jungle setting like this? Clearly this menace has to be stopped before the Uwok villagers or anyone else is hurt.
-You don’t know where General Quacci has been swimming recently, but wherever it is, he had better stop!! Lately, he’s been coming back with an icky smell about him, and his feathers seem coated with some nasty oils and chemicals.
-Due to your shiny yellow armor and uniform, the Uwoks continue to consider you some kind of minor deity. This has resulted in many offerings of food, which you really can’t complain about.
-It seems that Lt. Zeke has gone into business with Dr. Saari. You saw him down in the bazaar twirling his cane and hawking “Dr. Ewell B. Saari’s Magic Party Mix.” From what you can tell, it’s just the same awful stuff he sold to you the other night.
Mini-Objective
-Complain about Jag bypassing your authority as much as possible.
-Find and defeat the evil Woodman!!
Lord Flash – Officer’s Report 11
Recent Duties: Needless to say, your Uwok followers have been greatly impressed by your tales of banishing the evil ‘Fire-Devil’ that had corrupted their sacred spirit tree. You really can’t see why these other so-called ‘officers’ seem so eager to leave this excellent tribal society. The only explanation must be that they want to spread the word of YOU around the globe!! Of course, there’s really no need to try, since that’s inevitable anyway.
Military Communiques
-None. Of course, that’s really not surprising, considering your radio went down with your plane.
Personal Notes
-With great ceremony and elation, your loyal Uwok worshippers have recovered the remains of your ‘Solar Chariot’ and dragged it to the village. Unfortunately, it’s going to take either a miracle, or some mechanical parts and supplies to make it air-worthy again. This jungle society may be technologically primitive, but there’s got to be a way to find some parts around here somewhere.
-As their Lord and God, all news in the Uwok village eventually finds its way back to you. Many Uwoks have become concerned by the appearance of a ‘Metal Demon’ deep in the labyrinth of the Crystal Grotto. Although by all accounts the demon appears to be ‘sleeping,’ most Uwok miners are too afraid to enter the mines just in case.
-Just this morning, your attention was required to perform a healing miracle upon a wounded Uwok who stumbled into the village covered with dozens of small cuts and lacerations. He claimed that an evil ‘Wooden Demon’ was responsible. After dazzling him with a blast of ‘healing’ light, you sent him off to the druid Panoramix for a ‘treat’ after his ordeal.
-It has come to your attention that someone around here is trying to impersonate YOU! Not that you can really blame him, but you rather like being you and you plan to keep the monopoly. Apparently, one of the scientists down at the Robles Lab is going by the name of ‘F,’ almost as if he’s trying to steal your patented brand of ketchup right out from under you. Electra only has room for one ‘F’ however, and you intend to prove it.
Mini-Objective
-Obtain the necessary mechanical supplies to repair your plane.
-Take care of this ‘F’ imposter, Sun-God style.
The revelry is interrupted by the arrival of a figure from the jungle: Sir Karsh of the Tiger. Keigo is on her feet and orders the Uwoks to attack, but Jag tells everyone to stand down. Karsh tells Jag it is as they feared, and the Dragon's men are closing in quickly. The area will need to be evacuated immediately. The others are critical, Keigo and Pacci especially, are critical of Jag cutting a deal with the Spherans behind their backs, but there seems nothing they can do for now.
The next day, the heroes convene for breakfast. Pacci expresses interest in the Crystal Mines, but Flash claims the mines have been deemed too dangerous and closed by him. He also mentions a wounded Uwok who has been sent to Panoramix the Druid. Visiting this man, Pacci finds razor-sharp leaves in his wounds and finds out he was attacked by a 'Wooden Demon' near the Robles' Lab. Without hesitation, the fearless Pacci leaps off to search for his nemesis.
Jag and Keigo are already headed for the Robles' lab, but are stymied at the entrance by the scientist Q, who of course disagrees with everything they want to do. Fortunately, Flash arrives and through a combination of his usual gusto and reverse psychology, they manage to confuse Q long enough to get inside. Jag and Keigo have a meeting with M, a stuffy bureaucrat and the lab administrator. Originally, M is cold and unfriendly, but warms up to Jag's professional Power-point presentation and agrees to lend him use of the docks. Keigo meets with her a while longer before leaving the compound. When leaving M's office, the two are surprised to find that Special Forces Major Khaurus Vanbaal is already there, although apparently not for the same purpose as Jag.
Meanwhile, Flash bursts into the lab and heads straight for the office of the man known as 'F.' Finding him to be a noodly loser with a pocket protector, Flash promptly punches him out and changes the nametag on his door.
Pacci also arrives at the lab, and immediately suspects that the scientist code-named 'W' may be the man he's after. He speaks to Boris, a crazy Russian computer scientist who agrees to open the electric gate on the Pressure-Testing Sphere where W works for the sake of hacking into something and causing mischief. Bursting in, Pacci sees Dr. Wily standing at the far end of the sphere, and his guardian robot Woodman standing in the centre. Woodman protects himself with Leaf Shield and sends the razor sharp leaves whirling at Pacci, but it's not enough to overcome the Supreme Commander's yellowy fury. His jumping smashes with his shield penetrates Woodman's guard and soon the evil robot is defeated. At that moment, Khaurus Vanbaal bursts through the door, guns blazing, and demands to know what Wily has done with 'the sphere.' Laughing as his UFO takes off through the opening roof of the sphere, Wily declares it is too late; he's loaded the sphere onto a boat. There's a new world order coming, and Wily is going to be a king! Frustrated, Pacci can only watch as the evil doctor flies away.
While Flash salvages parts from F's and Boris' office, Jag is distracted by the arrival of Jackie Chiles, who demands to inspect the research facility. Jag distracts the other lawyer with a phony Powerpoint presentation about the lab's activities.
Keigo has since arrives at the Crystal Grotto. The Uwoks don't want to let her in, but she tells them she is the First Corporeal Priestess of the Sun-God and is here to exorcise the Metal Demon. Exploring the caves, she eventually finds the object of her search: Sylgris the Dragonlady, lying still beside an underground stream. Although extremely paranoid, Keigo soon finds that Sylgris breathes no more and is no longer a threat to anyone. She strips the Spheran noble-lady of her silver armor, and then burns the body, laying one more Spheran to rest for good.
As our heroes return to the Uwok village, they are met by an emissary from the Spheran Tigers: Katra, a woman with the ability to transform into a cat whom Jag saw the previous day at the mountain bathing pool. She and her soldiers are to take the Electran officers to meet with Lord Keldon, the Spheran Tiger Warlord, and his forces. The Electrans suspect a trap, and are not disapointed. Once out in the jungle, Katra's forces attack, as she declares that Lady Draven has offered to spare the Tigers in return for the heroes' capture. In spite of her transformation abilities, however, Katra and her men fall without much trouble, the soldiers to Flash's BOMB and Katra to a blast of Keigo's Atomic Fire.
The heroes hurry to the Robles' docks, as gunfire erupts in the jungle around them; the Dragon's forces have arrived. Karsh and his master, Lord Keldon are waiting for them, and begin loading their men onto the newly arrived river flotilla. However, the docks are small and the loading will take more time than they have. A small force will have to be left behind to hold the docks. With a roar, the mighty Keldon volunteers himself and his bodyguards for this task. They alone can hold back the Dragon's hordes long enough for the bulk of his House to escape.
The great battle begins, with Keldon standing at the edge of the jungle, flanked by his three aides, Lion-O, Predaking and Catalack. Tearing out of the jungle are an army of Lizardmen, Assassins and Berzerks, led by Force Captain Adora and George Foreman and his low-fat cooking techniques. Going absolutely berzerk, the Berzerks tear into the Keldon, dealing incredible damage with their huge axes, and their lack of a brain allows them to just barely withstand the Keldon's blistering counter-attack. Encouraged by this opening, Adora steps out from behind her men and transforms into She-Ra, Princess of Power and charges into the frey. However, she and her troops quickly find out they have vastly underestimated the mighty warlord. His Death's Mask glows with an ominous light, and the Keldon's wounds seem to heal completely as he tosses aside the platoon of Lizardmen and Berzerkers like so many rag-dolls. In spite of the healing abilities of his low-fat grill, George Foreman is defeated shortly thereafter. Finding the Keldon too tough to handle, She-Ra and her men go after his bodyguards instead. Predaking goes down first, and while Lion-O's Sight-Beyond-Sight protects him for a time, he too falls to She-Ra's magic blade. Catalack has been merely running around in the back and taking naps when attacked, but is eventually defeated by an Assassin.
As each ally falls, the Keldon seems to grow slightly more tired, and the fury of the fight begins to take its toll on him. Still, he fights on and when he finally falls with a tremendous death-cry, more than 30 enemy bodies litter the ground about him.
Through Lord Keldon's sacrifice, the boats seem to have made it safely out into the middle of the river. Jag, Keigo, Pacci and Karsh board the last one and shove off. Just as it seems they may be safe, the river becomes turbulent and lightning flashes at the waterfall to the north. Standing atop it is the black form of Draven of Stormwind, raising her taloned hands to the sky. Karsh shouts that she plans to swamp the flotilla with a flash flood. However, at the mere mention of the word, FLASH comes roaring into view in his plane and flies straight through the raging storm, blowing apart the side of the cliff with his sidewinder missiles before he too disappears in the storm. Draven goes tumbling out of view, and the storm slackens. Clinging to their rickety boat, our heroes can only claim that the Sun-God's daring rescue came in time...
Katra
Race: Spheran
Rank: Armsmistress
Affiliation: Spheran Coalition, the House of the Tiger
Katra was a blue-haired officer in the Spheran House of the Tiger who wore a tight orange body-suit and talked with a significantly annoying cat-like voice. She also had the ability to transform into a black panther, and wreak serious damage with her claws and bite. She tried to save her house by handing over our heroes to their enemies, but soon found that the cat had her tongue.
Adora
Race: Spheran
Rank: Force Captain
Affiliation: Spheran Coalition, the House of the Dragon
Adora was a stern-faced, blonde woman leading a Force Squad under the banner of the House of the Dragon, which she was convinced was not in any way evil in spite of strong evidence to the contrary. In battle she could Stand in the Back behind her troops and fire her shocker rifle, but her greatest power was revealed when she held aloft her magic sword and transformed into She-Ra, Princess of Power! For the honour of Graysk -- err, Vygrymm!!
George Foreman
Race: Spheran
Rank: Armsmaster
Affiliation: Spheran Coalition, the House of the Dragon
George Foreman was a big burly man and a pro-boxer who led a squad along with Force Captain Adora to capture the Tigers deep in the Electran Jungle. As well as his deadly fists, he could cook up one mean meal with his George Foreman low-fat grill. It would take the full power of a Spheran Warlord to take George down for the three-count.