Heroes: Jag, Atobe Keigo, Pacci, and Lord Flash
Enemies: Barry Seinfeld, Earl Grey, Big Tobacco, Isabella Valentine, William Mattar and Jackie Chiles
Jag – Officer’s Dispatch 36
Recent Duties: At long last, the fearsome Genghis Khan has been defeated like the barbarian that he was. He may have demanded sacrifices for himself, but in the end he was only a sacrifice to the great Megalodon. However, although one evil has been purged from the city, an even greater one has just arrived. And only Jag can stand in its way...
Troop Status
-Supplies: Schmitzer SMGs, Armored Flak Vests, Deluxe Laywers’ suits, briefcases full of legal documents, and a fleet of jet-skis, much to Vidal Sassoon's disapproval.
-Morale: William Mattar, auto-injury attorney, has become increasingly critical of your leadership of the firm. If he was running the show, fiends like Isabella Valentine and Atobe Keigo would have had to pay out for their injury crimes long ago. What's worse, there are even some rumblings from the rest of the Shark Pack that might be in agreement with Mattar.
-Health: Mighty Megalodon seems well-fed and healthy for the moment. The same can't be said for poor Jean-Paul Jean-Paul. He apparently suffered from some kind of running accident earlier today and is recovering in his room. You never did hear exactly what the cause of it was.
Military Communiques
-Your office has just received a call that prominent lawyer Jackie Chiles is on his way to town. Apparently, he is coming on behalf of Grand-Marshall Vonderveck and his forces in Ellivia and is looking to speak to Commander Kilant. It's suspected that the Marshall, along with Senator Rysian, may finally be willing to negotiate, but as the true evil on this planet, you wouldn't put it past Chiles to pull a fast one. As legal counsel, you expect to be present yourself to guard against just such an event.
Personal Notes
-There are rumors on the base and among your own men that you've recently been neglecting your legal reputation. With Jackie Chiles in town, that reputation is more important than ever. You're going to need to find a case. A BIG case. Involving THE LAW. And preferably as many as possible, to prove you really are the most successful lawyer in Electra City.
-Your subordinates appear to have been quite busy lately. Vidal Sassoon is currently entertaining some friend of his who is apparently a high-class orchestra conductor. Unfortunately, you're so busy you don't have time for music.
-Many of the Auxiliaries troops fled the city under the command of Rodric, but some were captured. One such is none other than escaped convict Fats Dynamo. For the moment, he is being held in custody at Law Division while awaiting trial (which you intend to see that he gets).
Mini-Objective
-Find and solve as many cases involving the law as possible.
Atobe Keigo – Officer’s Report 36
Recent Duties: Pah!! Just why doesn't anybody listen to you? You knew all along (possibly because you're psychic) that trusting Rodric, the Khan or any other foreigner on this planet was a bad idea. Sadly, you have enough trouble getting your own boys to listen to you, let alone anyone else...
Troop Status
-Supplies: FLAME-THROWERS, crimson uniforms, kamikaze headbands, Crimson Armor of the Republic, and your original Coca-Cola hat.
-Morale: In spite of your clear demonstration of psychic abilities, Seigaku continues to disrespect your authority, and are taking up bad habits left and right probably just to spite you.
-Health: Due to their slovenly teenage habits, Seigaku's health is rapidly deteriorating. In fact, the other day you caught young Echizen experimenting with one of the filthiest habits imaginable: smoking. Not only is it seriously affecting his condition, but his skin complexion is quickly becoming an ugly yellow. You don't recall seeing any warnings about THAT on the box.
Seigaku is at -1 Condition for this Adventure.
Military Communiques
-You've heard rumors that a representative from Lanver's father and the Grand-Marshall has come to the city seeking to negotiate. Given how everything has gotten screwed up in the past, you intend to be there this time for these negotiations to make sure it gets done right.
Personal Notes
-Not only is Echizen in bad shape, but even Stenda is injured!! While normally burns are not too uncommon in your unit, usually Stenda of all people is more careful than that, so you're not quite sure how she could have let this happen. Last you heard, she was recovering down in the Medical Corps.
-Hmph, that Ivy! While in many situations, you get along with her very well, every now and then she does something you just can't agree with. And lately, you've seen her walking around the base wearing only a ludicrously skimpy purple leather bra as a top. A brazier is simply NOT a top – really, has she no shame??
Mini-Objective
-Solve the problem of Echizen's skin complexion and find a way to make him quit smoking.
Pacci – supreme Commander’s Report 28
Recent Duties: Nonono, wakka!! Everyone else seems to think the death of Genghis Khan is a good thing, but not you; he died before he could divulge the location of Dr. Wily!! Now there's no telling where the evil mad scientist has gotten to. Clearly, to make the case against him and convince everyone else of the danger, you're going to have to re-assert your authority as SUPREME COMMANDER around here.
Troop Status
-Supplies: PK-33 Handguns, SIR Rifles, Bright Yellow Deluxe Uniforms, Combat Helmets, a Verizon wireless cell-phone, an amazing vintage Pacman arcade machine, and Protoman’s whistle.
-Morale: The Pac is extremely upset at any and all disrespect shown towards you. However, if you can't deal with it, there's a danger that they'll start to think you're not quite as cool as you are. And there's always the possibility that they'll turn to General Quacci as a new leader.
-Health: You're sure that the world is a healthier place now that you've discouraged the consumption of duck meat, and especially so for General Quacci. You can't have a professional army if you're not in good health after all, it's too bad other commanders don't understand that like you do.
Military Communiques
-You've heard that some kind of lawyer is in town to negotiate on behalf of Grand-Marshall Vonderveck and the remaining Conventionals in Ellivia. Word is out that they finally be willing to deal with Kilant. However, there's certainly no way you're going to let any kind of deal like this go down without you!!
Personal Notes
-Wakka-wakka!! You've been humiliated and it's not sitting well with your authority. You were innocently walking along eating some delicious cookies when all of a sudden a couple of leather-jacketed goons on motorbikes knocked you down and took your food. Standing by the sidelines was none other than Reserve Officer Barry Seinfeld, who could have got the offenders' licenses, but instead spent his time making jokes about how the thieves were doing you a favor by helping you lose weight!! Grr, nobody mocks a Supreme Commander like that, and you intend to see to it that Seinfeld pays for this display of poor citizenship.
-Maybe your wardrobe is also contributing to the lack of respect you've been getting. While of course the colors are beyond reproach, you've been having trouble lately getting the creases out of your pants. Surely there's got to be a way to address this problem.
Mini-Objective
-Make Barry Seinfeld pay for mocking your horrible robbery.
-Find a way to get the creases out of your bright yellow pants.
Lord Flash – Officer’s Report 14
Recent Duties: The Khan is out, and YOU'RE in!! That alone should certainly be cause enough for celebration around here. After all, there's no way that sick barbarian was as merciful as you are. However, it's recently come to your attention that there's a few other people that need a religious sermon on that topic.
Military Communiques
-That ghost of yours still hasn't been doing his job and hasn't finished the paper-work you were supposed to have done. As best anyone can tell, all he's done is sit in your office and look at himself through all the cameras you had set up. You've promised the Admiral that you're certainly going to be looking into this matter now that you're finally back in the city.
Personal Notes
-You're glad to be back in the city, because it means you can enjoy your office again. You've even had a pool-table hauled up there so that you can play a few games of billiards against your ghost (he's the only one who stands a chance against you). Unfortunately, getting the biggest table may have been a mistake, as there simply doesn't seem to be room to use your pool-cues properly in there. Somehow you're going to have to find a more appropriate substitute.
-You often have trouble remembering people who aren't you. That's why you were a little confused when you received a subpoena today for an alleged case of assault against some sap by the name of Earl Grey. Given what a merciful God you are, you're sure this is some kind of mistake, as you certainly don't intend to pay out the hefty penalty that is apparently associated with this charge. One way or another, you'll find a way to beat this charge.
-Hubbah-hubbah!!! Just earlier today, you saw a rather well-endowed woman walking around the base wearing nothing but a skimpy bra as a top. Maybe it's a good thing you haven't gotten another plane yet, because if you had, you're sure you would have crashed it. Now that was something worth turning your head for!!!
Mini-Objective
-Obtain an appropriate object for playing pool in the confined space of your office.
-Find a way to legally defend yourself from Earl Grey's assault case.
-“Confront” your ghost over not getting your paperwork done.
The adventure opened in the aftermath of the fearsome Genghis Khan's defeat in Electra city. Our heroes were on the line Commander Kilant, who told them that due to grassfires set in the western plains by the Khan's riders, his return to the city would be delayed. They were instructed to do their best to restore law and order in the ravaged city during that time.
After spending some time assessing the situation and reviewing their reports, the group reconvened in the OC for lunch. Jag, of course, knew just what to do and immediately began enquiring about legal cases. Pacci had several for him immediately. First, he wanted Barry Seinfeld put behind bars, or preferably executed, for his failure to be a good samaratan and mocking the 'supreme commander's' misfortune. Also, he wanted to sue the makers of his pants for the creases he was getting in them.
Flash didn't immediately have a case for Jag, but he was about to. Storming up to the table at that point were loud-mouthed lawyer Jackie Chiles and Earl Grey, owner of a tea-plantation that the group, and particularly Lord Flash, had visited back in the Electran jungle. Grey was back for revenge and wanted Flash charged with assault. Flash, for his part, claimed not to even recognize the man and that he therefore must be completely insane. This would make it easy to thwart his charges. Jag agreed to take the case, vowing to prove himself a more successful lawyer than Chiles.
In search of more cases, Jag visited his subordinate, Jean-Paul, in medical corps. The marathon runner had apparently run right into a brick wall during his morning jog when he'd been distracted by a woman strutting around the course wearing only a bra. Jag vowed to earn Jean-Paul the compensation he deserved for his pain and suffering.
Keigo meanwhile headed to her troops' quarters, where to her outrage, she found them stepping on Flammie the Charmander's tail in order to get him to puff fire and thus use him as a cigarette lighter. She instantly confiscated their cigarettes, but they stubbornly refused to reveal their supplier. Seeking medical advice for Echizen's skin problems, Keigo went to visit Stenda, who was injured in medical corps. She found her subordinate with burns all over her face and hands. Stenda claimed that she had been eating breakfast at an Earl Grey's Cafe, and had been served over-heated tea. Sensing legal potential, Keigo called in Jag, and offered to give him a case against Grey if he would sue the big tobacco industry for the damage done to her kids' skin complexion. Eager to accept any kind of case, Jag wasn't had to convince.
Meanwhile, Flash had other business much more important than Earl Grey. He first reported to Admiral Tubby, where he explained that he didn't want to committ to filling out his paperwork too soon, since his life wasn't yet over and he might end up with more to report. Tubby agreed it was good to be cautious in such endeavors, and while he accepted this excuse, he also refused to issue Flash another plane too soon by the same logic. Flash then went next door and engaged in an argument with his ghost, accusing the latter of being too insubstantial to hold a pen. However, the "two" quickly became distracted by the sight of Isabella "Ivy" Valentine walking around the training grounds in a ridiculously skimpy purple bra, and began re-directing their cameras to a better cause.
During this time, Pacci was trying to solve his fashion woes. A visit to Mahmood proved fruitless in obtaining ironing supplies. Instead, he sought the advice of fashion guru Vidal Sassoon. He found him in his room, where he was entertaining a guest - a guest who rather strangely was reclining in the room in his boxer shorts with his pants hanging meticulously beside him. This man was introduced as the Maestro, and he was preparing for an orchestral performance down by the military library. He told Pacci that the key to keeping your pants in perfect order for such a performance was to avoid wearing them while sitting down.
Flash wasn't the only one distracted by Ivy. The members of Seigaku were also crouched out in the training grounds, drawing cartoon sketches of the half-naked beauty. This is where Keigo found them, and by calling Ivy over for 'visual support,' she convinced them to drop their smoking in order to win the money from Jag's upcoming lawsuit. Ivy also got them to admit the identity of their supplier who unsurprisingly turned out to be Funky.
After finishing with his photography, Flash also made a visit to Mahmood, in hopes of picking up a "partial pool-cues." Although Mahmood admitted if he did carry billiards, this was all Flash would get, he didn't have any such items in stock. Flash then visited Vidal's room, where he found the bizarre scene of the Maestro demonstrating to Pacci the proper way to iron pants, both with their pants off. Distracting the two by knocking an iron on the floor, Flash grabbed one of the Maestro's conductor batons and made his escape.
By this point, Jag was ready to begin his lawsuits, of which he had four big ones lined up. The first, at Pacci's insistence, was against Barry Seinfeld, defended by Perry Mason. Mason claimed his client was innocent and ran an Alternative Explanation that even tried to implicate Jag in the crime. Jag meanwhile simply defamed Seinfeld with a smear case attacking his character, bringing home an easy win. The next case was against Big Tobacco, defended by the famous lawyer Lucky Pierre. Pierre barely tried to make a case before he started slipping the jury wads of money. Jag ran another smear case, attacking both Big Tobacco itself and Lucky Pierre's dishonest tactics, which resulted in another win for his side. Next up was Earl Grey, represented by Jag's rival Jackie Chiles. Although Jag expected Chiles to bribe the jury with his classic Oh Henry, he was surprised by Chiles' smear case aganist both Jag and Lord Flash. Jag had a smear case of his own prepared against Earl Grey's super-heated tea, and eked out a narrow victory only through his slightly superior eloquence. However, the last case pitted Jag against Johnny Cochrane, defending a now-primly-clad Ivy, charged with indecent exposure. Cochrane's alternative explanation suggested that his client hadn't even been the offendee, since admittedly no one had actually been looking at her face. Jag's Physical Evidence turned out to be a disaster, especially when Ivy was asked to try on the bra in question, which of course did not fit over top of her military uniform. Ivy got off scott-free, leaving Jag fuming and vowing to get his revenge later.
Before long, Commander Kilant had returned to the city via Aelous' windforce. It turned out Jackie's representation of Earl Grey had only been side-business. He had really come to the city on behalf of Grand-Marshall Vonderveck and the other splintered Conventionals in Ellivia to bargain with Kilant. Chiles revealed Vonderveck was willing to negotiate, but wanted Kilant to come to Ellivia to do it.
This proposition was discussed between Kilant, our heroes, Senator Ridley and Lord Aeolus. Most agreed that a trap seemed likely, and the situation should be approached with caution. Kilant pointed out though that it was imperative to make peace with the Conventionals as quickly as possible, before Vygrymm mustered the forces of the Coalition to attack again, as he would surely do once he found out the Khan had been defeated. As such, he would travel to Ellivia with the PCs as his escort. The rest of the army would mobilize and approach the city at a distance in case of trouble.
Before long, the group had arrived in Ellivia where Chiles led them to the city courthouse, which was serving as their headquarters. Jag could only approve. However, none of them could approve of being asked to wait before the meeting. Pacci went out looking for an arcade machine, while Jag waited inside with some lawyers and Kilant. Eventually, Jag's own man William Mattar came with a pair of men indicating the meeting was to begin. He led Jag and Kilant down into the basement of the courthouse.
However, once there, the two found themselves confronting not the chubby Vonderveck, but Vygrymm, Dragon of Sphere himself. Spheran guards sprang from their positions by the walls, just as a grinning Mattar slammed the door shut, gloating how he would show Jag up once and for all. Kilant reached for his thunderblade, but found the batteries dead by Mattar's treachery. Wresting a sword from one of the Spherans, Kilant shouted for Jag to make a break for it as his adversaries closed in around him.
Meanwhile, Pacci was outraged at being gipped out of the meeting. He stormed into Jackie Chiles office to demand that this be remedied. At Pacci's continued insistence, Chiles declared he'd had quite enough of the yellow fellow, and attacked him with a cup of scalding hot coffee. It soaked right through Pacci's armor, burning him badly. Pacci struck back, but found Chiles' extensive vocabulary was too confusing for him to penetrate. It was all over for Pacci when Chiles pulled out a delicious Oh Henry, which healed the few wounds Pacci had managed to inflict, while causing this latter to writhe on the ground in hunger.
Keigo and Flash were also peeved at being left out of the meeting. They started trying to kick down the door to the basement, but were confronted by Mattar and a pair of lawyers, who demanded they throw down their weapons. Apparently, Mattar had been wanting a piece of the arsonist Keigo for a long time. The two refused and a battle ensued. In spite of the fact that their misfortune was Mattar's gain, they managed to defeat the lawyers with a combination of bombs and flamethrowers. However, they were then confronted by Jackie Chiles just leaving his office, who defeated them without taking a hit.
Only one man could stop the menace that was Chiles, and it was Jag, who came charging up the stairs, gun blazing. Jag's keen intellect allowed him to work around Chiles' large vocabulary, and resist the allure of Oh Henry. Badly wounded, Chiles was with great trepidation forced to resort to his greatest and most unpredictable attack - the bomb. Nobody knows what a bomb's gonna do, and neither did Chiles. The first time, it healed him to full strength in the form of a spread-balm. The second, he ended up throwing the same balm at Jag. And the third, he pulled out a real bomb, which exploded in his hands, and taking Chiles out of order.
Jag had succeeded in besting the sinister Jackie Chiles at last. But whether it would be in time to save their leader remained to be seen...
Maestro
Race: Electran
Rank: Maestro
Affiliation: The Electra City Firefighter's Orchestra
As the conductor of a 'major' symphonic orchestra, the Maestro's main characteristic is his refusal to acknolwedge any other name. Immaculately dressed in a black tuxedo, he is armed with a conductor's baton and a pretentious vocabulary. He is also quick to mention his connections to the famous conductor Leonard Bernstein, and the many tips and tricks he has picked up from him.