Misc

First posted by Dark Icon , a frequent contributor to the AD-I newsgroup where this first appeared, but they hold true for many gaming universes, movies, stories and books. All the fun stuff we so love.

Famous last words in Montfort:

First posted by : Dark Icon

1. "Watch me grab this arrow out of mid-air...."

2. "Haunted? Oh, that's just a rumor..."

3. "What's the Tower Guard doing HERE?!?"

4. "...so then the demon made me immortal. Watch this..."

5. "Don't worry... We're perfectly safe up (or down) here..."

6. "Did that plant over there just move?"

7. "Look! Two mages are fighting... let's get real close so we don't miss any of the action!"

8. "Here's a shortcut. Just go down this dark alley..."

9. "...and December never even saw me steal it! Hey, why is it so cold in here all of a sudden..."

10. "I don't care WHAT Cult you belong to..."

11. "This guy can't possibly take all three of us!"

12. "Yeah, they've got anti-intrusion wards, but I can get around them..."

13. "December? Cult of Pain? Ashkenazim? Sure... I can tell you ALL about them..."

14. "Where did I get it? I stole it from some weird old guy on the street....Why?"

15. "She looks harmess... let's get her!"

16. "...so then I spat right in Zade's face and grabbed her...uh... is there somebody standing behind me?"

[ADMIN - come on everybody, join in! I figure the Dragons-Inn website needs a HUMOR section...]

#17-23 submitted by Paradox

17. "Maybe if we destroy this pillar, the ceiling will fall down on the enemies!"

18. "Brax? That's a stupid name for a barbarian..."

19. "Of course I trust the theif! He's traveling with us!"

20. "Don't worry...I already checked for traps!"

21. "Whew...glad that's over. I'm taking my armor off."

22. "What's that smell?"

23. "There! It's finally stopped moving!"

[That's all I can come up with right now. Enjoy ;-) ]

#24-30 submitted by Scotto the Unwise

24. "Hey what's everybody looking at?"

25. "Wahddayaknow, its midnight and the sun is out --hey its getting bigg.."

26. "Nice doggy. Puppy want a bone...?"

27. "I thought there'd be more rats in these sewers... Why are the rats leaving?"

28. "Mob Shmob!! I want to get a drink!"

29. "...with extra garlic and pepperoni... but hold the anchovies!"

30. "Hey lady! You shouldn't be wandering around in the dark..."

#31-55 submitted by Amanda Von Cannon

I know these aren't that great, but hey, they're silly so...

31. "We got them now, rush them into that little room."

32. "I'll take what's behind door number 3..."

33. "I'd give my soul to get outta here."

34. "You guys go ahead, I'll be right behind you."

35. "I'll take the lead!"

36. "Let the new guy cover us."

37. "He's a nice boy, shy and quiet."

38. "Okay let's split the treasure. 60-40, what do ya say?"

39. "Map? Map? We don't need no stinkin' map!"

40. "It's dark, hang on, I'll light a torch."

41. "It's only a baby! What harm is there?"

42. "No we're not allowed in here, and I forgot our disguise. Just fake it, nobody will know the difference."

43. "I'll just deftly pluck said key off of this here sleeping guard like so..."

44. "Let's just try and reason with them."

45. "Can't we all just get along?"

46. "I'll distract them..."

47. "Let's see what will happen if I pull this lever..."

48. "I can jump that pit, no problem!"

49. "It's only an illusion..."

50. "They've got to run out of magic soon."

51. "Look there's light up ahead! It's GOT to be the way out!"

52. "Oh, my favorite, I wonder why this food is setting out..."

53. "I'll save you!"

54. "Cards? I don't ussually gamble, but sure that sounds like fun!"

55. "What's that sound? I don't know, lets check it out."

#56-65 submitted by Sam Herbert

[ok, heres my $0.02 worth] [Sam Herbert]

56. " Don't worry, the ones that growl a lot don't bite..."

57. "When'd they start letting big, smelly, ugly ogres in here?"

58. "Hey, you with the stupid pointy hat..."

59. "Gosh! A blood-curdling scream! Let's go and investigate."

60. "Why's everyone gone quiet?"

61. "You can't hurt me! I've got magic armouarhggghhgghh..."

62. "Hi! I'm a kender!"

63. "So, you any good with that bastard sword then?"

64. "Of course I can summon demons..watch this.."

65. "So, I snap the staff of power in half, and I get teleported home? Cool! I'll try it!"

#66-77 submitted by Patrick Ocampo

[Patrick] Here are mine!

66. You don't NEED to see my identification.

67. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

68. Proctor John, huh? Stupid name.

69. Oh how difficult can it be to kill? It's not like it breathes fire or anything.

70. I have a bad feeling about this....

71. What does this switch do?

72. Anybody want to see my new fireworks spell?

73. Oh dear! What shall I do with these eight thousand Platinum pieces I just found. Maybe I shall buy a new sword to replace mine which I left at home.

74. We come in peace!

75. I'll bet this is a ring of feather-falling! Watch this! GERONIM -SPLAT!-

76. [Admin: Am i missing a draft?]

77. Hey Becca, can you post the Quasi-FAQ again?

#78 submitted by Sam Herbert

[Samuel Herbert] [Godammitall! I forgot one (And this has happened to me)]

78. "So, I let you burn me alive to get rid of the poison and the leprosy. Sounds great to me! Let's do it."

#79-90 submitted by Puckish

From other worlds entirely ... but they may make you laugh...

79. "You enter a room, 30 foot wide, 40 foot long. There is an Owlbear in the North East corner" "OK, Fireball" (The thief behind the door was the sole survivor...)

80. "There are gryphs carved over the portal" "I open the door"

81. "What use are illusionist gnomes anyway?"

82. "I pick the prince's pocket"

83. "Hey! Orcs! Over here!"

84. "In the left hand room, there is a male innocent, also with a table that creates food and water" "I move him and the table into her cell and re-lock the door" (really must go back to Temple Grelsig one day...)

85. "I must live with father's curse, to always speak in rhyming verse" (7, slow, scenes later...)

86. "The hobbit can be in charge of the kitchen"

87. "The create warmth spell is really taking effect now, especially with you chasing the ram in the snow" "OK, I strip off and place my clothes on a dry rock" (sometime miles later) "Suddenly the spell wears off"

88. "Let's see, that makes 56 Orc males and about 110 Orc females left in the den. Let's go for it."

89. "So what does this do?"

90. and the infamous "Nah, nah, na na nah!"

#31-55 submitted by SAmanda Von Cannon

78. Man is Elysa uuuugly

79. Danger -- I laugh at danger hahahaAAAAAAAAAAAA...

80. Watch me as I jugle, not 3, not 4, but 5, yes count them 5 vorpal swords!

81. Let's jump out of the shadows and really scare that warrior. December?

82. Hey, how'd this coin get in my mouth?

And now for some things that folks did while I was a GM

83. I'll just activate this wand of lighting bolts and fry that stone golem!

84. "I'll just stick this metal pole into the water and jab at that thing in the water" (it was an electic eel coiled up in a crown)

85. Fiero Destructe (the last two words of a fireball spell cast by a wizard in a ten by twenty room -- I even asked the guy -- studying to be a brain surgeon at the time -- if he was *sure* he wanted to cast *that* spell)

86. Hey you guys, help me pry the gems out of the eye sockets of this skull (this particular group *KNEW* the dungeon used to be the home of a liche)

87. I wish that you keep me completely safe from harm (The guy freed a djinn, and this was his wish -- which was granted, though certain NOT they way he wanted hehehe)