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Nitroglycerin suppository. My First (and Last) Dr. Kervorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit. Paper cuts from hate mail. Wine press. Random act of terrorism. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride). Clubbed by a baby seal hunter. Exploding gas barbecue. Date with Lorena Bobbit / Tonya Harding. Rusty meat hook. Pulp digester / Saw mill. Sexually transmitted disease. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open). Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!". Exploding school bus. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide. Sacrifice to a tribal god. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder). Trampling by thousands of tiny spongy feet. Asphyxiation on a twinkie. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck. 1000 RPM merry-go-round. Building sand castles in a quicksand box. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road. Tail caught in elevator doors. Legalization of purple slavery. Home lobotomy kit. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric). Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal. Thrown in a vat of bleach. Close encounter with a white supramastoid. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine. Submerged into a CANDU reactor. Swarmed by killer bees. Purple parasites. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow). Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler. Assilimation by the Borg. Acupuncture with a nail gun. Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw. Hit and run at a school crossing. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition! Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife. Harpooned by a whaling ship. Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummelled with a baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature). Served as Thanksgiving dinner. Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate anyone?). OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full. Mistaken for a Pinyata. Run over by a zamboni. "I love you" song triggers avalanche. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature. Crushed between plates in a fault line. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties (would you like McFries with that?) Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of Barney? Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what can happen to you if you don't wear your seat belt. Barney becomes one with Oscar Meyer. Barney used as shark bait. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through purple flesh with ease. Diplomatic mission with Klingons. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk. Nato air strike. Live organ donor. Egyptian mummification ritual. Plummet into an active volcano. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants. Conversion to sugar glazed junk food. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer. Pilgrimage to the Holy land. Purple Jonestown reagent. Visit to the taxidermist. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter. Take him off Prozac. Forced to watch "the Wall" video without his happy pills. 100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath". Give him a lead role in a snuff film. Tar and feathered by crazed parents. Spontaneous combustion. Bludgeoned to purple paste. Compressed to a singularity. Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin. The plague. Extruded through microcapilliaries. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop. Salt water enema. Pre-mortem autopsy reveals that Barney's head is full of worms. Massage with a stun gun. Heat pasteurization. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank. |