By: Chibi-chan

An artificial being. I, Rudy Roughnight, a forbidden Holmcross. How could this happen to me? I know I’ve never actually fit in anywhere, but is that the reason why? All my life, I’ve been put down, called names I dare not repeat, and now this. Why can’t I just have a normal life like everyone else? "Grandfather, why didn’t you just tell me what you knew about me before you died?" I yell from the roof of Adlehyde Castle.

* * *

Elmina…
I know I had to save her from herself, but… I still feel like I failed her. Why couldn’t I have done something sooner, to protect her from the attacking demons that fateful night? I feel like I can’t go on anymore. Maybe I shouldn’t…

* * *

Hanpan realized something was seriously wrong with Jack. Why is he so quiet all of a sudden? he thought. Maybe I should get the others… With that, he left the room as fast as his little mouse legs could carry him in search of Rudy or Cecilia.

* * *

As I am sitting, wondering why I was never told earlier about who I am, Hanpan comes to me with a worried expression on his face. "What’s wrong?" I ask him. He replies, "Something’s wrong with Jack. He’s not acting like himself. Could you make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid? I mean, more stupid than usual." I merely nod, and follow Hanpan to where Jack is.

* * *

Elmina, I’ve failed you…
I can’t go on any more, so it must end here. I draw my blade and… Elmina, I’m going to join you in the hereafter…

* * *

My God, he’s not gonna… I think to myself upon seeing Jack. "Jack! What do you think you’re doing?" I cry out. He looks at me tearfully and says, "I’m sorry, I can’t go on anymore." As he tries to kill himself with his sword, I fire a shot at his wrist to make him drop it.

* * *

A sudden pain occurs in my wrist and I drop my sword. I look at my wrist and then at Rudy, who has his ARM drawn. He shot me! He actually shot me! I think in shock. He’s supposed to be the calm one, the rational one in the group, and he shot me. Mind you, it was only a minor wound, but still. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!" I scream and he says…

* * *

"I don’t let my friends die, if I can help it," I say as calmly as I can, "Why are you trying to kill yourself, anyway?" He just looks away from me. "I failed her, Rudy, and I was supposed to protect her." So that’s what this is all about, it’s about Lady Har…I mean Elmina. He truly loved her, and now she’s… gone…

* * *

Dead, she’s dead, by my own hands. If I had protected her when I was supposed to, it wouldn’t have come to that. She was turned into a Metal Demon, and I couldn’t have stopped it, because I was a coward. The only way to keep her from bearing the guilt and pain from what she had become, was for her to die…

* * *

"You have no idea of the pain I’m experiencing!" Jack says in a low voice. This gets me…upset…to say the least.

* * *

"Pain, you think I don’t know what pain is?!" Rudy says in an increasingly louder voice, "Now listen to me, Jack. How would you feel if your WHOLE DAMN LIFE WAS A F*^*ING LIE?!" Rudy, yelling and cussing? This is new. First, he shoots me, then this. He’s just full of surprises tonight. "How would you feel if you went through life not knowing something major about yourself like being an artificial being? That you were originally made to be some damn weapon? That all you life you’re told you don’t belong, that you’re not normal, and find out the people who say those things are right? And you say ‘I know nothing of your pain’?!" he says in a bit calmer tone. "If you think only you have important problems, you’re wrong." he states, then turns and tells Hanpan, "If you need me, I’ll be back on the roof, thinking." With that, he leaves the room.

* * *

As I leave the room, I notice two eavesdroppers. "Cecilia, Jane, what are you doing?" I ask plainly. "Well, Hanpan found us and told us about Jack’s frame of mind. We thought you would be the best person to talk to him, but we stayed outside in case things went wrong…" Cecilia replies. "…like shots bein’ fired inside." Jane adds with a cute little smirk, "What wuz up with that?" With a shrug, I state, "Ask Hanpan, he was there the entire time. I need some time to think, and I think Jack does too."

* * *

If you think only you have important problems, you’re wrong. Those words ring over and over again in my head. How is he able to deal with something as major as that? I never thought he’d ever blow up at anyone like he did at me. If he can deal with his personal demons, I can deal with mine. I sheath my sword and get a heal berry from my bag, because my wrist is still bleeding from the bullet wound, still thinking of his words.

* * *

I sit on the roof, looking at the stars and thinking, Emiko said the Holmcrosses were originally made to be weapons. Maybe grandfather knew that. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t know, if I think about it. If I had known before, would I not have been who I am now? If I knew I was made to be a weapon, I would have focused on that my whole life, and not have learned to care about others, or even want to know how. "That’s life," I say to myself. "What, have you cracked up too and are now talking to yerself?" a familiar voice sings out. "Jane, what are you doing here?" I inquire. "Thought you might want some company, instead of bein’ up here all by yer lonesome," she tells me, after sitting down next to me. At least my friends think I belong, and if they think I belong, so do I.

* * *

"You’re not going to try to pull anything like that again, I hope," Hanpan tells me. "Not tonight, not tomorrow, never again will I try to do that. I don’t think Elmina would have wanted it that way. It was the coward’s way out, and I don’t want to be a coward again," I inform my wind mouse partner, "Never again…"

* * *

End

In life, one must learn to accept what cannot be changed.
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