Wow,
one more apology for the poor quality of the updated material. I
would like to take a very small minute to explain my situation.
I am going through a daily catharsis. Every single day I feel
like I am formulating new ideas and foundations for myself. It
is very exhausting. If these updates are looking flakey its
because I am figuring myself out right now. I know I have said
this before, but I have been letting a lot of angst and past grudges
go. I am trying not to pass judgment so quickly . I don't
feel like explaining everything to you dump trucks because I
understand how worthless talk really is. What I do feel like
telling you is that I feel really good about myself and I am feeling
better everyday. I can feel myself changing. I can feel
myself getting over self-hatred and martyrdom. I have come to
this conclusion which gives me relief and direction:
The
world owes me absolutely nothing. I owe the world (and to a much
greater extent, the people that have helped and loved me) all that I
can give.
I might update later. The
news has kinda sucked today.
This thing is a
VIRTUAL CHURCH ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB!!! So far I've seen some
funny fucking shit happen on here. The only thing that sucks
about it is when there are too many users online you have to be
"ghosted" and can't interact with others. Click the link, load
the church and look at other shit for about 30 minutes. Here is
another link- Satan took over the church:
I'm brain dead tonight so here comes a
barrage of news links:
Mother of
accused serial killer sues over death in jail
The mother of accused serial
killer Maury Travis, whose bizarre hanging death in the St. Louis
County Justice Center was ruled a suicide, filed a suit Friday against
the county, the architects who designed the jail and the contractors
who built it.
New York City, NY (PRWEB) May
19, 2004 -- Twenty years ago, on May 16, 1984, most of the world
believed that we had lost a comedic legend forever. This has turned
out to be what will inevitably be known as the greatest comic prank
ever conceived.
Family wants answers after fetus returned
in cardboard box
THUNDER BAY, ONT. - A Northern
Ontario First Nations community says it wants a full investigation
into how a hospital allegedly mailed the remains of a miscarried fetus
back to the family in a cardboard box
SHEBOYGAN, Wis -- A 7-
year- old boy had to be rescued with the help of a locksmith Sunday
after crawling into a Sheboygan, Wis., supermarket's stuffed animal
game machine while his father talked on the telephone.
I can burn your fucking flag anywhere I
goddamned please...
This is an election year.
I'm sure everyone is absolutely dumbfounded by that last statement.
I mean, who would have guessed. So far it seems we will have a
lovely selection of candidates to choose from. We have an
illiterate warmonger and a flakey hippy. George Bush has a lot
of retarded views based on antiquated biblical tradition. John
Kerry has a lot of retarded views that are whatever appears to be the
exact opposite of George Bush's antiquated biblical traditions.
Both of these candidates suck. Neither are worth even getting up
in the morning to vote for. Fortunately, both candidates have
one or more daughters. I believe that this election year the
votes should not be cast for either of these two assholes, but
indirectly cast for their progeny. Let us take a look at these
chicks:
Alexandra
Kerry
Ok, first we have this
Alexandra Kerry chick. She is a film school student in LA, and
evidently this picture was taken at the Cannes Film Festival.
The first thing that you might have noticed is the fact that YOU CAN
SEE HER NIPPLES RIGHT THROUGH HER GODDAMNED DRESS! wowowow!
This chick is like 30 years old, and is still in relatively good
condition. The second thing that you might notice is that HOLY
SHIT YOU CAN SEE HER FUCKING NIPPLES. These aren't just any
ordinary nipples either. These are goddamned daughter-of
the-presidential-hopeful nipples.
Vanessa Kerry
No Vanessa is not actually a question mark. She
did not come out of the womb as a query or anything. I just
couldn't find a picture of her. She's trying to be or is a
doctor or something. Very blah.
Jenna Bush
Ok, put aside the fact that this chick is a coke head
and an alcoholic. Put aside the fact that her grandmother has a
face like a spoiled cabbage. This chick has a couple of things
going for her. Number one, she is a complete slut who has an
inclination to get totally trashed and act like a whore.
Secondly, she is acting like a goddamned whore and her name is JENNA
BUSH. That is a porn name if I have ever seen one. So,
she's got the slut thing and the pr0n name going for her.
Barbara Bush
Barbara is the fraternal twin of Jenna, and they seem
to carry many of the same slutty characteristics. She has been
busted for underage drinking, and trying to pass off a fake ID.
I just accidentally typed fake idea instead of fake ID. What the
fuck was that about? Here is a pretty relevant link:
I don't feel like typing the
whole goddamned story out, so just follow the fucking link.
Evidently there could be a video tape of good old Barbara nude and
Larry Flynt is trying to get his hands on it.
To draw everything into a nice
big circle, these are the daughters of your candidates. You have
a chick with hot nipples, a chick that is a punctuation device, and
two whorish twins.
That last sentence didn't exactly bring this whole
thing to a close like I expected it would. I will attempt to add
some finality here:
oblivious to the obvious, I'm making
perfect sense but I'm not getting through
Hello
friends! This site has been abysmal pile of dog shit lately.
Bitch, fucking bitch BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, blah blah blah.
Sarah made mention about the old format, and I have decided that I
really miss that. This page has turned into some faggot
manifesto for the weak-minded, disenchanted, suburbanite. Fuck
that. Speaking of faggots, this hot off the goddamned wire:
Same-sex couples begin
marrying in Massachusetts
First state to allow
such unions
Monday, May 17, 2004 Posted:
10:09 AM EDT (1409 GMT)
CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts (AP) -- Same-sex couples began exchanging
vows in Massachusetts Monday, marking the first time a state has
granted gays and lesbians the right to marry and making the United
States one of four countries where homosexuals can legally wed.
Well, I
guess this isn't too hot off the goddamned wire. People have
been talking about it all goddamned day. I know I'm not the
first person to mention it. And I know you fuckers are all
probably tired of hearing about it. Guess what, I really don't
give a shit. All I've heard all day is how either this is THE
WORK OF THE LIBERAL DEVILS or how FINALLY SOME CIVIL LIBERTIES HAVE
BEEN GIVEN TO THE HOMOSEXUALS OF THIS COUNTRY. Those are both
valid arguments, and will lead to a veritable watershed of
discussions. The legalization of same sex marriage will have a
multitude of valid arguments both pro and con. However, I
will not discuss any of these. What I want to discuss is the
fervor that I have whipped up for myself because I can now get
married. Wait a minute you say. NOT YOU SOMAH, YOU CAN'T
BE GAY. Well you are correct about that. I am not gay.
Before I elaborate further on this, allow me to create this small
point.
This is my point. From
Dictionary.com:
homosexuality
n : a sexual attraction to (or
sexual relations with) persons of the same sex
Ok, one more:
sodomy
Any of various forms of sexual
intercourse held to be unnatural or abnormal, especially anal
intercourse or bestiality.
Alright, do you jerk-offs
see where I am going with this? Do you understand why I am so
goddamned happy? For the simpleminded (and those who can not
suspend logic enough, to make the huge jump in reasoning that I am
about to make), I am happy that I can now get married.
Yes sir, I am a sodomist.
I have had anal intercourse or SODOMY on at least 2 separate
occasions. I know, I fucking know. I am going to go to
hell. At least I will be legally allowed to be married when I
get there.
wow how fucking unfunny... maybe the
archives are
better.
My hands around your throat and I think
I hate you...
Here we go,
I am already preparing for the death threats that will be thrown my
way for the upcoming statement. I will first hesitate to say what I
have alluded to in my aforementioned harbinger. Instead I will
describe the preparations that I have already made.
1) I have
created a secret bunker and have hidden it underneath my backyard
patio.
2) I suppose my
bunker isn't so secret anymore.
3) I have collected a
large amount of porn to "entertain" myself with while dwelling in my
secret bunker.
4) I have collected a
large amount of old rags to clean my secret bunker after my
entertainment.
My secret bunker!
And now the reason why I have taken up the idea of living in a secret
bunker. This is what I have to say:
Fuck this
Nick Berg guy. If I sound insensitive, I do not care. This
guy, this rallying point for US retribution, was a citizen in a war
zone. He was a suspected terrorist and detainee of Iraq police
before he was captured by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and his gang of
resistance cronies. When Berg was released from Iraqi prison he
refused offers by the Coalition Provisional Authority for safe passage
out of Iraq.
People with
guns coming for my blood, please pay attention to what I am about to
say next. I am in no way supporting the beheading of him or
anyone for that matter. What I am trying to say is that this man
is no martyr. He is not a Jesus H Christ or a Pearl Harbor and
this LETS TURN IRAQ INTO A FUCKING GLASS FACTORY outcry is complete
bullshit. Did I mention this before? Did I mention the
fact that HE WAS A FUCKING BUSINESSMAN IN A MILITARIZED ZONE.
I do not feel sorry for him. He had obviously decided that
making a dollar or two off of someone, somewhere was far more
important than his personal safety.
What really
perturbs me about this situation, is the way that American citizens
are releasing their vengeance upon Muslim mosques and Muslim
Americans. Muslims in America have proclaimed that they are
repulsed by the actions of the assassins in the video. Muslims
in the middle east have made similar statements. It will not
matter however, because someone MUST PAY. I shudder to think
about these Iraqi POWs locked away in the Abu Ghraib concentration
camp. Forced sodomy will be a happy relief from the torture that
these American MP sadists will unleash upon them now.
If having my
fucking head severed from my spinal column would serve as catalyst for
the general populace to wake up and take a look at both sides of the
fucking situation, I would jump in front of a goddamned butcher knife
in a second.
As some sort
of apologetic gesture for the lack of quality comedy and self-implied
political savvyness I decided to get off my ass and produce something
with some substance. What I did was scour the globe and expend
all my fucking contacts running down soldiers past and present so that
I could interview them to find out their personal opinions on the
situation in Iraq. This is the actual chat transcript.
Nothing has been altered.
First the panelists:
Democratic Nominee
and Vietnam Veteran, John Kerry
Recently deceased
Army Specialist and former Arizona Cardinals safety, Pat Tillman
Pimp, Player, and
Street Soldia, Ice-T
Military genius
and strategist, Sun-Tzu
Cereal Overlord
and high sea scourge, Cap'n Crunch
On to the interview:
*You have entered channel #soldier_interview*
*Kerry04 (kerry4prez04@democrat.org)
has entered #soldier_interview*
*Crunchmaster (cpncrrrnch@yummycereal.com)
has entered #soldier_interview*
*Supa_Pimp (bitchslapper@smackmuhho.com)
has entered #soldier_interview*
* Deadguy (futballrocks@martyr.com) has
entered #soldier_interview*
* railgund34th
(r0x0redj00@chinapwns.com) has entered #soldier_interview*
s0mah: First I would like to
thank all of you for coming out.
Deadguy: Wait just a second pal.
I've got a personal complaint before we begin. Why the fuck am I
represented as some kind of zombie, or skeleton, or vampire?
s0mah: Umm...
Deadguy: I mean, look at that
picture of me. Its a goddamned zombie referee. WTF a referee?
You couldn't even find a picture of a zombie FOOTBALL PLAYER.
Supa_Pimp: Hah, true dat playah.
Your being opressed. That is almost like the time that I
published COP KILLAH. Its just the man's way of keeping you
down. Fuck s0mah hes the whitest of the whites. He is the
fucking MAN. You should gat him for dat.
Kerry04: Speaking of gatting, have I
informed you guys about the Purple Heart medals I won in Vietnam and
then chucked over the fence at that peace rally?
railgund3ath: stfu newb DIEDIEDIE
s0mah: What the fuck? You
picked that goddamned picture Tillman. I had absolutely nothing
to do with that.
Deadguy: Oh yeah, whoops.
Nevermind then.
railgund34th: OMFGLOLS
s0mah: Can I make with the
questions already?
Supa_Pimp: Shut the fuck up
whitey. Stop fucking opressing us.
Kerry04: Yes, I concur. I
am against the opression of anyone. Wait, is George Bush against
opression or for it?
s0mah: For it.
Kerry04: Yes, I am against it then.
*hotslut19f (wetcunt@tiava.com) has
joined #soldier_interview*
railgund34th: OMG A/S/L? PIC?????
*hotslut19 wishes to send you a file:
bent.jpg*
Railgund34th: omg cyberz?
Crunchmaster: Arrrr! I'd
like to dip my crunch berries wet in that. I be meaning, I'd
like to pour some of my milk all over her. You mateys know what
I mean right?
Deadyguy: Yah, I getcha. I'd like
to guard her tight end, get it?
Supa_Pimp: What the fuck are you
whiteboyz talking about?
railgund34th: LOLS WHITEBOYS
Crunchmaster: YEARGH! What
me be trying to say is that I'd like to hoist my mast into that
beauty.
s0mah: What the fuck are you
trying to imply here, Crunch?
Crunchmaster: Arr, what I be trying to
say is that I WANT TO FUCK HER IN THE ASS!
16 and 17 year old girls,
please leave me the fuck alone.
Little girls, I am not interested in you or
your boring ex-boyfriends or the grades you made on your last test.
I do not fucking care whether or not you think I am cute or punk rock
or that you could manipulate your parents by bringing me home.
Please fucking stop flirting with me wherever I go. Please do
not pull up with a carload of your goddamned friends and ask me for my
phone number while I am waiting for the red light to change. Do
not fucking hug me while I am working. Do not hug me and use
that as some poorly obfuscated attempt to flirt with me by pressing
your underdeveloped tits into my chest. I am not fucking
interested.
Here is something else that needs to
fucking stop. FUCKING BROKE DOWN-ASS WHORES I USED TO KNOW STOP
EMAILING ME.
THIS SHIT NEEDS TO
STOP:
From :
Diane Williams <rockstargrrrl@hotmail.com>
Sent :
Saturday, May 1, 2004 5:37 PM
To :
livinginconformity@hotmail.com
Subject :
HEY!!!!
|
|
|
Inbox
Hey!
How r u? I heard that you were back in town so y havent
you tried to call me to hang out yet? I hope u r doing
good. We should go hang out and have some drinks sometime! Call me ok? XXX-XXXX is my cell or XXX-XXXX to call me
at home. C-ya!
xoxoxo
Diane
Yes, I edited out
the number. I'm such a nice mother fucker.
So if you
are out there reading this Diane, or any of you stupid cunts I used to
mess around with in Tampa, GO TO GODDAMNED HELL AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK
ALONE. If I lost interest in you 3 or 4 years ago, why the fuck
would I be concerned with you now. God ,I hate you all.
Hahaha whoops. Those hotmail
links in the upper right were linking back into my mailbox.
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