Church Games: Pencil Races

This is a variation on Tank Battle. I don't play it as much, but it's just as easy. This game is the only game I ever played with the junior high's (and, later, high school's) football/basketball stud, Lee. He descended to my geekness level for a couple of days and we actually played together, but never again. He went bald at 20, and I still have my hair. Don't tell me there ain't no God.

Materials needed: Pencil, paper

Object: Make your opponent eat your [graphite] dust.

Game Play: The game is played by skipping your pencil across the page, just like in Tank Battle, except you're only moving, not shooting. If your line intercects the other car, you have bumped into that car, and your car stops where the collision happened.

Variations: You can play one-on-one or with racing teams of any number. If you play with multiple cars, you can play either one car each turn or all of them each turn. Your race track can have walls as obstacles. The track can also have oil slicks to slow you down (if you "move" into or through an oil slick, you mark your car's new position then skip a turn). You can have a straight track with parallel lanes for a "drag race," or you can have a track of just about any shape. (See the examples above.) You can also handicap a driver by requiring him to use a shorter pencil or one with harder lead. To determine the poll positions of your cars, flip a coin or hunt a hymn.

"Road Rage" variation: your car(s) can move and shoot each turn. Best done with multiple cars, the object is still to complete x number of laps with one of your cars. But cars can get destroyed if they get too close to the opposition, reducing the team's chances for a victory. Each car's turn consists of first the "move," then the "shoot." The "move" is required, the "shoot" is not. The catch is that to get in position for a good shot, you may be tempted to not travel as far. Such "holding short" is allowed, but it does slow you down.

For me, this game is actually more tense than Tank Battle. You may feel that way, too, but it's dangerous to feel the rage while sitting in church. Do not be surprised if a "damn!" or a "hell!" escapes your lips. If it happens, your parents will let you know. A good way of dealing with the inevitable swearing is to act like it was the first word of a religiously insightful statement, thusly: "Damn...damned...are the sinners!" and "Hell...would surely be a frightening place to live!" Your parents, the preacher, and the congregation would just think you "got the spirit," and let you rant & rave as you finish the race. This is all just theoretical, of course. For yet another way to disrupt your services, look no further than the next game.

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