There is an old story about a young man who came to Socrates to be instructed in public speaking and oratory. The moment the young man was introduced to the great philosopher he began to talk in a non-stop flow of words. This went on for such a long time that Socrates could not get a word in edge-wise. He finally silenced the young man by putting his hand over his mouth. "Young man," he said, "I am going to have to charge you a double fee for my training." The man complained, "A double fee! Why would you do that?" Socrates replied, "Because to make you a good leader I will have to teach you two sciences. First, you must learn the science of holding your tongue; then you can learn the science of using it correctly!"

Good leaders are always good listeners. That is how they learn. That is how they assess what needs to be done. Unfortunately, one reason we often don't have alert ears is because we have open mouths.

Someone has conjectured that since God gave us two ears and only one mouth, He must intend for us to listen twice as much as we talk! The Bible says, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." (James 1:19) The fact is, if we follow the first two parts of this verse, the third part is automatic. When we are quick to listen and slow to speak - we are slow to become angry. Studies have shown that there are four basic styles of listening:

1. "THE JUDGMENTAL LISTENER" - This person already has his mind made up and doesn't want to be confused by the facts. He is critical, negative, and prejudiced. 17% of the population fall into this category.

2. "THE INTERROGATIVE LISTENER" - This person thinks that good listening consists of continuously firing a series of questions at the person. Questions are important to conversation but this gets old very quickly. 26% of all people use this approach.

3. "THE ADVICE-GIVING LISTENER" - More people (35%) are in this category. They listen only long enough to make a quick assessment and then they get to what they really want to do - offer unsolicited advice. The problem with this approach is that you are so busy thinking about what advice you are going to give - you don't really listen. You aren't hearing everything they are saying.

4. "THE EMPATHETIC LISTENER" - This style is used by only 22% of the population but it is by far the most effective. You listen to capture the feeling of the person you are listening to, not just the content of their words. You pay attention to tone, facial expressions, and body language - the non-verbal signs. Try listening with your eyes, not just your ears this week. You may learn something new.

FOL#49