* * *

Setting: Lighthouse Park. The residents of Harmony are working to build a 'haunted park' as a benefit for the Youth Center as well as setting up for tonight's Halloween dance.

"I just love Halloween!" Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald chirped, holding up a large carving knife and waving it under her fiancé's nose.

Ethan Winthrop laughed nervously and grabbed her hand, pushing the shiny blade away before it could do serious damage. "Hey, watch what you do with that thing, honey."

Theresa snorted, one caterpillar-esque eyebrow darting upwards. "I'm not a stupid child. I know how to handle long, sharp objects, Ethan."

Julian Crane, standing nearby, overheard the comment. "I'll just bet you do, my saucy, little enchilada." He drifted off into a brief reverie, imagining just what Theresa could do with one very particular sharp object, and let out a high-pitched giggle.

"What's so funny, Julian?" His ex-wife, Ivy Crane, asked, her voice dripping with icicles. She wheeled her chair past him, making sure to catch the end of Julian's foot as she did so.

"Ouch! Damn it, you heartless harlot. You never could operate a motor vehicle properly…"

Rebecca Hotchkiss sashayed over to Julian and linked her arm with his. "Poor Pookie. Do you want your Becky-Wecky to kiss it all better?"

"Licking the dirt off people's shoes is an appropriate pastime for you, Rebecca," Ivy snickered. "What are you two doing here, anyway?"

"What are YOU doing here, Ivy?" Julian countered. "Were they running low on ugly witches?"

Ivy's lips curved upwards into an evil smile. She wouldn't be taunted into a battle of wits with Julian today. Besides, it was cruel to fight with the unarmed. "I'm here to support Ethan. That's all…" Her eyes suddenly became focused on a point behind Julian. Julian turned around to see what… or who… had caught his vicious harpy of an ex-wife's attention.

"Oh, S-a-am…" Julian sneered. He brushed aside a twinge of some emotion. It certainly wasn't jealousy. It was leftover outrage from being cuckolded and made a fool in front of the entire world by this icy blonde bitch. What did he care if she went gallivanting after that Neanderthal cop? Sam Bennett's forehead was decidedly sloping, Julian noted with pleasure. Whyever Ivy persisted in chasing after him eluded Julian's understanding. Now the luscious, delectable, juicy, little cherry tart that was Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald… she was worth chasing after. How he'd like to pluck her cherry from the tree -

"Cherries, Julian?"

Julian jumped. His head swung down to regard Rebecca. "W-hwat? I wasn't thinking about her cherry… or cherries… wh-what did you want?"

Two white fingers tipped with immaculately manicured blood-red nails held a sprig of the sweet fruit in front of his face. Rebecca's cat-like eyes narrowed. "I asked if you wanted some of these cherries, Julian. What did you think I was talking about?"

"N-nothing. Of course. Yum-a-yum." Julian stuffed the cherries down his throat, pits and all. They stuck in his throat. He started to choke.

"Pookie? Oh, Pookie! I think he's choking!" Rebecca squealed, her tightly contained bosoms heaving.

"Good. Maybe he'll do me a favor and die." Ivy wheeled her chair away, toward Sam.

Rebecca grasped Julian around the middle from behind. Two quick thrusts and the cherry shot out of Julian's mouth.

Julian grabbed Rebecca's arm, gasping for breath. "I'll never think about cherries in a sinful way again…"

* * *

"My, Theresa, you certainly can carve out a heart…" Gwen Hotchkiss commented.

Theresa glanced up at Gwen, nostrils flaring. "What do you mean by that, Gwen?"

"The heart of the pumpkin. You really did a good job carving it out," the housekeeper's daughter's archrival replied, her tone all innocence.

A goofy grin broke across Ethan's face. "Theresa's really good with her hands."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "I'll bet." She picked up a particularly sharp-looking butcher knife. "Can I help carve your heart out, Theresa?"

Theresa's eyes darted over to Ethan. He was still grinning, unaware of the tense undercurrents between his fiancée and his ex-fiancée. She licked her lips, causing the already blinding glare of her lip-gloss to shine even more brightly. "Um… I guess so."

"Lovely!" Gwen pulled the pumpkin over to her side of the table and started scooping the innards out. Theresa watched her nervously for a moment before resuming her work.

"Hi, Theresa, Ethan, Gwen. We want to help," Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald had appeared beside his sister, along with Kay Bennett, Charity Standish, Reese Durkee, Jessica Bennett and Simone Russell.

"Great!" Ethan pointed at the table full of pumpkins waiting to be carved into Jack-O-Lanterns. "Grab a knife and dig in, guys."

* * *

Jessica Bennett watched as her sister just about shoved Charity to the ground in order to get the seat next to Miguel. A clueless Charity just shrugged and smiled, turning to walk to the other end of the table. Jessica took a seat between Reese and Simone.

Reese wasn't really into the carving. He had his nose buried in a book entitled 'Legends, Superstitions, and Dark Forces: A History of Halloween'.

"Good book, Reese?" Jessica asked, watching in suppressed horror as Gwen Hotchkiss lifted back her arm and stabbed her pumpkin right between the eyes. Twice.

"Fascinating, Jessica, fascinating. You wouldn't believe some of the weird superstitions that are associated with this holiday…"

Jessica decided to make a happy jack-o-lantern. She worked her knife along the soft, orange flesh in a curve, trying to design a goofy smile. Kind of like the one Reese was wearing at this moment. His glasses had been taped together earlier. Now one side was drooping lower than the other was. He pinched them together at the nose and started to read aloud from the book.

"According to this book, the lines between the living and the dead, the good and the evil, become erased until midnight on the evening of All Hallows Eve. Women are especially susceptible to falling prey to the dark forces on this night-"

"What a sexist book," Jessica muttered. She had accidentally chipped off part of the square tooth she had been making, and now it was a sinister-looking fang.

"Are you boring Jessica to death now?" Kay asked Reese. She had been slowly moving closer and closer to Miguel until their arms brushed together as they worked.

"This book is highly informative, Kay. Want to hear-"

"No!" Kay turned her attentions back to Miguel.

"You were saying how women were falling prey to dark forces," Jessica said absently, cutting the other tooth into a fang so they would match.

"Huh?" Reese had been staring dreamily at Kay. "Oh, yes. Here's an interesting legend. It says here that if a woman stares into a mirrored surface on All Hallows Eve, the dark forces will appear to do her bidding."

"That's dumb. I'm sure I've looked into mirrors tons of times on Halloween, and I've never had the dark forces appear to do my bidding," Jessica said.

"Oh…" Charity suddenly moaned, her hand flying to her throat.

"What's wrong, Charity?" Miguel asked, his handsome face dark with concern.

"We're all… we're all… doooooooooooooooooooooomed…" Charity's eyes rolled back into her head. She promptly fell off the back of the bench seat.

"What's new there?" Kay muttered, watching in irritation as Miguel hurried over to cradle Charity in his arms.

"Well, of course you haven't, Jessica," Reese continued, his voice thick with self-importance. "It says here in the book that you have to be looking into a mirrored surface with the full moon reflected overhead."

"WhatEVER." Jessica rolled her eyes.

Theresa had been listening intently to Reese's words. "There's supposed to be a full moon tonight," she murmured.

"Well, you'll have to try that out, Theresa," Gwen said smugly. "You and the dark forces must be on intimate terms."

"What?!"

"I said, I cut myself, and I hope I don't get any germs."

"That makes sense," Ethan nodded. "We wouldn't want you to get an infection."

"There's already one big parasita going around," Gwen muttered under her breath.

Ten minutes later, Theresa's eyes had gone slightly cross, her pink tongue sat firmly between her clenched teeth as she worked hard on carving a funny face into the rough surface of her pumpkin. She couldn't stop thinking about what Reese had said. If she made an excuse to Ethan later in the evening, she could sneak off to the fountain in the middle of the park, gaze into it, and see what happened. Regardless of what she had told Ethan, she wasn't 100% sure if fate-uh was always on her side. Look at that disaster in Bermuda with Julian. Could fate-uh, which had always been her friend, suddenly be working against her? If so, it wouldn't hurt to have some help…

* * *

"When can we leave, Pookie? You might enjoy mixing it up with these peasants, but I'd rather we were at home, playing our own, special version of trick or treat…" Rebecca lunged at Julian suddenly, capturing his earlobe between her gleaming white teeth and tugging. "Rrrrrrow!"

Julian smiled. "Of course, my pet. We'll do that soon, but I must attend to my duties as a Crane. The Crane money is funding this little event, and one can't waste good press."

"Fine. You do that. I'll just go amuse myself then," Rebecca pouted, stalking off in the direction of the bandstand.

Julian's smile grew wider. With Rebecca gone, he could pay a little visit to his sweet, delectable little wife Theresa.

* * *

"Ethan, I don't think that pumpkin is scary looking enough," Theresa pointed out.

"You're right, sweetie. It's so nice to know I have a fiancée who will always be honest with me, no matter what!" Ethan leaned down to peck Theresa on the cheek.

"Honesty is so important in a relationship," Gwen agreed, catching Theresa's eye. "Without honesty, a relationship has absolutely no chance of working out."

A trickle of sweat ran down Theresa's brow. "I need a cup of apple cider. Do you want one, Ethan?" she asked.

"Sure, Theresa. Why don't you get some for all of us?" Ethan handed her a twenty-dollar bill. "Be back soon. I'll miss you," he cooed.

"I'll miss you, too," Theresa cooed back, scurrying away.

Gwen again had to push back the bile rising in her throat. "Ethan, where do you want these jack-o-lanterns?" She gestured to the pile that was quickly piling up next to the table.

Ethan produced a short stepladder from under the table and handed it to Gwen. "You can start lining the fake brick wall around the bandstand with them. Then we're going to pass the rest around to the various booths."

"All right." Gwen grabbed the stepladder and placed it next to the brick wall. She slipped her feet out of her high heels and cautiously took three steps up. As she was reaching up to put the first jack-o-lantern on the wall, she heard a laughing voice.

"Lady, you sure have some great gams."

Whirling around, Gwen lost her footing on the ladder and started to fall. Before she could even yell out, two strong arms had caught her and were holding her against a hard, muscular chest. She looked up to see who her rescuer was.

Hank Bennett was grinning down at her.

"Let me go!" she snapped, trying to break free of his embrace.

"No problem," he said, setting her on her feet and letting go.

"What did you just say?" she asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"No problem?"

"No, before that."

"I said, these are sure some great yams," he replied. He pointed to the basket of gourds he had dropped on the ground in order to rescue her.

"Oh… I thought you said something else." Gwen didn't know whether to feel disappointed or relieved.

"What did you think I said?" he asked, his eyes now sparkling with mischief.

"I thought," Gwen felt her face heat up, "that you were complimenting my legs."

Hank's eyes slid slowly down her body to regard her legs. "Hmm. Well, they are nice."

Gwen licked her lips, her clothes starting to feel rather tight and constrictive. "Er..." Wasn't it somewhat odd for the park to be this hot in late October? And what was happening to her? Suddenly, every coherent thought flew straight out of her head. She wasn't attracted to Hank Bennett, of all people! By God, the man didn't even know how to dress. Right now, he was wearing an old, ratty-looking Harmony High sweatshirt, ripped jeans, and a pair of tennis shoes that had definitely seen better days.

Low class.

No taste.

Blue collar.

So beneath her.

God, his cologne smelled great.

Stop it, Gwen. You love Ethan.

That doesn't mean I'm dead from the waist down!

Hank snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Earth to Gwen."

"Oh, I should get back to work," she said quickly, turning around and grabbing another jack-o-lantern.

"Let me help you," he said, grabbing hold of her waist with his big, warm hands. "I'll steady you on that ladder. Wouldn't want you to fall again."

Gwen laughed a bit forcibly. "I sure wouldn't want to fall again, either."

* * *

Ethan looked up to see Hank Bennett embracing Gwen. Were they an item? He didn't know his uncle even knew Gwen that well.

It was good, of course, that Gwen was moving on. Very good.

Gwen was back up on the ladder. Hank's hands were on her waist. They weren't stationary, however. He was moving them up and down slightly as if massaging her waist. Ethan's eyes narrowed. I hope Hank isn't taking advantage of Gwen's fragile emotional state, he thought, conveniently forgetting the fact that he had been the one to put her there.

"Be careful, Ethan. It can really burn."

"What?" Ethan turned to see Theresa standing beside him. She held out a Styrofoam cup of hot cider.

"The cider burns your mouth if you try to drink it right away," she repeated.

"Of course. I'll drink it later. Thanks for getting it, honey," he said, tearing his eyes away from Hank and Gwen.

"Is that your uncle with Gwen?" Theresa asked, leaning against a sitting Ethan and wrapping her arm around his shoulders.

Ethan wrapped his arm around Theresa's waist when she continued to stand next to him. "I guess so."

"Poor man. Gruesome Gwen has struck again," Theresa said snarkily.

"Maybe they'll be happy together," Ethan said. Deep down, he hoped they wouldn't be. He didn't really want Gwen to move on so quickly. Or ever, really.

"I don't know how any man could stand to be with Gwen. She's so cold. And mean. And vengeful," Theresa added, remembering the baseball bat incident. Like she could ever forget. Gwen had torn one of her best blouses that day. It still made her furious just thinking about it. "Remember how she just ruthlessly tore my blouse, Ethan?"

"Huh, oh yeah, you told me about that," Ethan replied. She sure had. About twenty or thirty times. Must've been some blouse.

"I certainly hope someone tears her blouse someday. She deserves it," Theresa declared.

* * *

Hank's hands rested just above Gwen's hipbones. The material of her blouse and matching skirt was soft, smooth, and silky. He wanted to tear them off her right then and there. He wondered what she'd think about that.

* * *

Gwen looked down at Hank and was startled to see him staring at back at her with heat in his eyes. She swallowed a lump in her throat. Her body burned where his hands touched her. "I-I'm done now." She stepped down off the ladder.

"Already?" Hank asked, taking his hands off her somewhat reluctantly.

Gwen bent over to pick up the ladder.

"Do you have a date for the dance tonight?" Hank asked.

"I'm not going. I'm just here to decorate the park."

"You sure do a good job of that." Hank's stare unnerved her. He looked at her as if he knew what she looked like naked.

She shivered and glanced over to Ethan and Theresa. They were engaged in a deep tonguing session. She turned back to Hank.

Hank reached out and cupped her chin with one hand.

"What in the world are you doing?"

"I don't know," he said truthfully. He hadn't planned to touch her again. Somehow, it had just happened.

"Well, I wish you would stop." No, she didn't.

"I think I'd like to take you to that dance."

"Don't be silly. It would be ludicrous for the two of us to go together." Gwen nodded, as if to back up her statement.

Hank frowned. "Why would it be ludicrous? I'm a man. You're a woman. Neither of us could get other dates…"

Gwen's face flushed. "What? I'm your last resort because no one else accepted your offer? How do you know I couldn't get a date? Maybe I turned somebody down. Maybe I know several men who would go with me."

A smile played around the corners of Hank's mouth. "Of course you do. So, why aren't you going with any of them? Oh, I know. You're tired from beating men off with a stick all day, right?"

Gwen's hands went to her hips. She leaned back out of his grasp. "How dare you make fun of me? You're nothing but a rude, ill-mannered peasant!"

Now Hank really did start laughing. "You really are a piece of work, Princess Gwen. You've just driven off about six centuries of progress and put us back into feudal England in one sentence."

"I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man on Earth, and we were the last hope for the perpetuation of the human race!"

"I just asked you to a dance. How did sex get into this? You certainly have a dirty little mind, Princess Gwen."

"Don't call me Princess Gwen. And you… you…" She grasped for words to describe how despicable he was, but she was flustered. How embarrassing. Had she actually mentioned the s-word? What did he think of her? Maybe he thought she was desperate and sex-mad because Ethan had dumped her. Somehow he knew that she hadn't been in the arms of a man for so long. So very long. So, so, so long…

Her shoulders slumped. "What time did you want to pick me up?"

* * *

Julian pushed aside some branches and peered through the peephole he had made in the hedges. He had a wonderful view of Theresa's backside as she leaned over to pick up a jack-o-lantern. A lecherous grin broke across his face, making him look exactly like the demented jack-o-lantern in Theresa's hands.

"Psst… Theresa."

* * *

Theresa turned around. Was she going nuts? It sounded as if that bush had just said something.

Charity smiled at her from across the table. "I think that bush wants to talk to you, Theresa."

"Uh, isn't that a bit odd?" Theresa asked.

Charity frowned. "What do you mean, odd? I'm always talking to trees. They have so much to say. Bad things." She started to shake. "The treessss… tell me bad things…"

"What's wrong, Charity?" Miguel asked.

* * *

"Psst…" Julian hissed again. This was no good. Now Theresa had gone over to that mentally disturbed little blonde girl.

"What are you doing skulking about in the greenery, Julian?" Ivy's voice demanded.

Julian jumped. He whirled around to see Ivy sitting in her wheelchair and staring at him expectantly.

"I was just… just…" Julian struggled to think up a plausible explanation. "I was admiring these hedges. They're very… hedge-like."

"What an amazing deduction, Julian. You'd never know Alistair bribed your way through Harvard."

"Why don't you stop bothering me, and go find one of your flying monkeys, Ivy?"

Ivy ignored him. "Where's your cheap little tramp? Did she have an appointment with her pimp?"

"Rebecca is somewhere around here. I don't know where."

"You should keep better track of your toys." Ivy smiled. It wasn't a very nice smile. "I never knew of your fondness for foliage, Julian."

"Er, uh, yesss. I love to walk about the park pathways, see the sweet little birdies in the trees singing their sweet little songs -"

"I think I may vomit. I'll let you get back to nature." Ivy wheeled away.

"That was close…" Julian mused, turning back to stare through the peephole. Theresa was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Several hours later, the park was alight with flickering lanterns. The huge, yellow moon shone through the tops of the trees, covering everything with a ghostly sheen. Darkness hovered around the edges, sinister, watching and waiting.

Theresa smiled nervously at Ethan. She could see hundreds of Harmonyites dancing to Bobby 'Boris' Pickett's The Monster Mash. Costumed children, of a wide variety of ages, ran back and forth between the commons area and the other part of the park where the 'haunted' forest had been set up. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. Except for Theresa.

Her stomach was tied up in knots. Soon, she would have to make an excuse to Ethan. Then, she would make her way to the fountain to see what her future held.

"Isn't that Gwen dancing with Hank Bennett?" Whitney asked Theresa.

Theresa nodded. The band played a fast song, but the couple was slow dancing.

"Mmm… Ethan, could you go get me and Whitney two glasses of punch?"

Ethan nodded. "Sure. Stay exactly where you are. I want to dance with you."

Theresa nodded, watching as he walked out of sight. Then, she turned and grabbed Whitney by the shoulders. "Whitney, I have to go do something. Distract Ethan until I can get back."

Whitney looked pained. "What are you up to now, Theresa?"

"I'm making absolutely sure that nothing and no one will ever part Ethan and me."

* * *

"Why are we here?" Timmy asked Tabitha. "Timmy thought Princess wanted to steal candy from children again this year."

"Pish posh. There's plenty of time for that. Tonight, this is where the real fun is at," Tabitha replied, cackling with delight at the very thought of the evil that was going to go down in this very locale on this very night.

"What does… Princess mean by 'fun'? Fun like bobbing for apples?" Timmy asked hopefully.

"No. Tonight, one resident of Harmony is going to raise some real Hell."

"Oh no!" Timmy buried his face in Tabitha's loud, plaid vest.

"Harmony will never be the same, Tim-Tim. Heh heh."

* * *

Gwen sighed deeply, her head resting comfortably on Hank's broad shoulder. Suddenly, she became aware of her surroundings. The slow song had stopped. The sounds of 'Monster Mash' slowly penetrated her dream-like state.

She abruptly pulled her head up from Hank's shoulder, slamming her head against his chin in the process.

"I'm sorry," she said, her face burning hot. She wasn't sure if she meant she was sorry for hitting his chin or for resting her head on his shoulder. She hadn't even been aware of doing it.

"No problem. I'm not mortally wounded." He grinned. Something very low in her stomach tensed. They should outlaw men with smiles like that.

Gwen spotted Ethan near the punch bowl. "Er, why don't I get us some punch?"

Hank looked over and saw Ethan, too. He held her more tightly. "I'm not thirsty."

"Well, I am," she replied, struggling slightly in his arms.

"No, I don't think you are, either."

Her blue eyes filled with irritation. "I am, too!"

"No, you just think you're thirsty. But you're really just… hungry." His arm slid down until it cupped her waist. He jerked her body even closer to his.

Any intelligent thought Gwen might have had at that moment slid out of her head. "… H-hungry?"

"Definitely. Hungry." He leaned down to kiss her.

* * *

Theresa hurried across the park, her high heels making clicking sounds on the stone pathway. Soon, she emerged into a clearing.

The stone fountain was bathed in pure white moonlight. Theresa smiled.

Perfect.

She walked over to the fountain and sat down on its ledge. She stared into the dark waters. At that moment, a cloud passed overhead, blocking all moonlight.

"Stupid clouds," she snarled, slamming her fists against the stone. "I knew this wouldn't work." She started to stand up, but suddenly she couldn't move. It felt as if icy, invisible hands were holding her in place. A wind blew up, stirring the leaves in the trees and chilling her to the bone. Something was very wrong here…

The clouds blocking the moon dissipated, as if by magic. The huge yellow orb crowned the reflection of her head in the fountain. A red light appeared in the water. Then another red light. Two glowing red eyes stared back at her. She screamed and reeled backward.

Dark red smoke poured out of the fountain and out onto the pathway. Soon it had covered the fountain and was billowing outward. It swirled around Theresa's ankles. She wanted to run, but she still couldn't move.

A large shape rose out of the fountain. The shape slowly began to take form. Theresa gasped.

Dear Lord.

She had conjured up the Devil.

* * *

The thing that stood before Theresa had to be eight or nine feet tall. Its massive horns were like that of a steer. Huge bat-like wings extended outwards, spanning about ten feet in length. Its skin was a mottled greenish-red. It blinked at her with red snake eyes.

"You!" It hissed in a horrible voice, extending one huge claw. The other was holding a black pitchfork. "You have summoned me. What do you want?"

Y-you're… t-the… D-D-Devil!" Theresa stammered. She stepped back, but her heel caught in one of the cobbled stones of the pathway, and she fell backwards on her behind.

"No. No. No," the thing said. "I'm not the Devil. I'm a devil. There's a difference. You think the real Devil has time to come scurrying every time some twitsy little girl stares into a fountain on Halloween night? Puh-lease!" The devil was examining his claws now. "Name's Screw, by the way."

"S-Screw?" Theresa squeaked.

"Not S-Screw. Just Screw. Now, what do you want? I want to get back before 'Dark Angel' comes on."

"What?"

"I love Jessica Alba. What a babe. I'd like to show her what a real dark angel can do, if you know what I mean," the thing laughed. It was a hideous sound, like rusty hinges on a barn door.

"I didn't actually think anything would happen…" Theresa whined, wringing her hands. "I don't know what I want."

"You and a million other women, honey."

"Are you going to grant me three wishes?"

"Do I look like Barbara Eden to you? Man, you really are clueless. Here, stand up." Screw extended a claw.

Somewhat reluctantly, Theresa took hold of it. Just one of his fingers was a big as her whole hand. He helped her to her feet.

"You summoned me. Now I have to do your bidding until the stroke the midnight. I'll do anything. Weddings, Bah Mitzvahs, kid's birthday parties… haha. Just kidding. Bet you never knew devils had a sense of humor, huh?"

Theresa stared blankly.

The devil rolled its eyes. "I'm dealing with a real mental giant here, aren't I? Let me go slow. You can have anything you want - anything at all."

Theresa perked up. Her nose twitched with excitement. "Anything?"

"Yeah. That's what I said, doll."

"Oooh. Oooh. I want my marriage to Julian to never have happened!"

"Done. You're a free woman."

"I want Ethan and Gwen to have never met."

"No problem."

"I want Ethan's secret to have never come out."

"Done."

"I want everybody in Harmony to be really happy. Except Gwen and Mrs. Hotchkiss."

"Okay."

"I can't think of anything else right now…"

"Relax. You have until midnight to change your mind."

"Why would I change my mind?"

Screw shrugged, smiling innocently. "No particular reason."

* * *

Theresa hurried back through the park. The dance was still in full swing. She spotted Whitney and went over to her.

"I'm back. Did you have any trouble with Ethan?"

Whitney's brow furrowed in confusion. "Ethan who?"

"Ethan. My fiancé. Hello?" Theresa giggled.

"Your fiancé? What are you talking about? You don't have a fiancé."

Theresa felt a twinge of fear. "Whitney. Of course, I have a fiancé. He just went to get us some punch."

"Chad went to get us some punch. See? Here he comes."

Chad appeared at Whitney's side with three glasses of punch in his hands. He handed one to Whitney and one to Theresa. "Yo. Where've you been, girl?"

"Nowhere important. Chad, where is Ethan? Whitney's pretending she doesn't know who he is, for some strange reason." Theresa glared at Whitney. Whitney laughed.

"Theresa made up a fiancé named Ethan, Chad."

"Yeah, well, the only Ethan here tonight is Ethan Crane. An' he's married, so he can't be your fiancée, Theresa."

Theresa's jaw dropped open.

"There he is, dancing with his wife." Whitney pointed to two people gliding across the dance floor in each other's arms.

Ethan was dancing with a girl Theresa had never seen before. "H-his wife? Is this some sort of practical joke?"

"No. That would certainly be funny, though. I'm so happy whenever someone plays a practical joke!" Whitney clapped her hands excitedly.

"Hi, Theresa, Whitney, Chad. What are you kids up to?" Theresa felt a hand on her shoulder, and she jumped.

Luis stood behind her, arm in arm with Gwen Hotchkiss.

"Are you all having fun?" Gwen asked in a lackluster voice.

"Sure. Are you having fun, Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald?" Chad asked.

Gwen shrugged. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be having fun? I'm here with my handsome husband, aren't I?" She gave Luis a wan smile.

"Whatever you say." Chad leaned over to whisper to Whitney. "Yo, she looks like she's at a funeral. Her own."

Whitney giggled.

Theresa felt all the blood drain from her head. "You… you two are married? It can't be… How? When?... Why?"

"Because we love each other, silly," Luis laughed, kissing Gwen on the cheek.

"What about Sheridan?"

Gwen frowned. "Sheridan? What about her? She's in Europe, of course."

"But aren't you in love with her, Luis?"

"What are you talking about, Theresa?" Gwen asked.

Luis laughed. "Me? In love with Sheridan Crane? She lives in Europe. I've never even met her."

"Of course you have! She came back from Paris and ran into your squad car…"

"Theresa, did you hit your head or something? Gwen hit my squad car. That's how we met."

"Who's that girl with Ethan?"

Luis's eyes narrowed. "Those damn Cranes. I don't even know what they're doing here. They don't usually mix it up with us. Rich people think they're so above it all…" He laughed. "Hating the Cranes makes me so happy."

"Luis! What about me? I'm rich," Gwen said.

"Well, you aren't rich anymore, honey. Your parents disowned you because you married me…"

"Yes. It wasn't like I was about to forget. You didn't have to mention it," Gwen said coldly.

"That's Alexandra Crane, Ethan's wife. Don't they seem so happy together? Have you ever met Mrs. Crane, Gwen?" Whitney asked.

"No. It's strange, my family travels in the same circles as the Cranes. I even went to the same school as Ethan, but we've never crossed paths."

"You were lucky, sweetie. You were never corrupted by their evil," Luis said happily, patting her arm. Gwen turned away.

"This is horrible! This isn't what I wanted at all!"

Whitney's eyes were full of concern. "Theresa, aren't you happy?"

"No!"

Whitney turned to Chad. "Chad, Theresa isn't happy."

Chad laughed. "Of course she is. Everybody's happy. Except Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald. She's never happy."

Hank walked up to the group. "Did I just hear something about Theresa not being happy?"

Luis nodded. "Why aren't you happy, Theresa? Is there something we can do about it?"

Theresa felt as if a spider had crawled up her back. Everyone was happy. Unnaturally so. Well, except for Gwen.

Hank was grinning. "I always feel happy when I'm among friends. Maybe if we stick around Theresa tonight, she'll feel happier."

"That's a good idea," Chad agreed, laughing and patting Hank on the back.

Whitney laughed also. "How can someone be unhappy on this wonderful holiday?"

"Or on any day?" Luis added. "Of course, Gwen isn't happy, but that's just the way Gwen is. Right, honey?"

Gwen nodded. "I feel like crap. I don't know why. I just do."

"She must get it from her mother. She was never happy either. She especially wasn't happy when Gwen told her we were going to be married. Her father didn't seem to mind. I think he was happy about it, but he still disowned her."

"It's so unfortunate that unhappiness runs in your family, Gwen," Whitney said. "I can't imagine what life would be like if one of my parents was unhappy. Or Simone. She wasn't even unhappy when I told her Chad and I were dating. I don't think she liked the idea very much, be she wasn't unhappy. That would've been so weird!"

"I'm passionately in love with Gwen, but she's married to Luis. I'm still happy that we can remain friends, though," Hank commented, throwing his arm around Luis's shoulders.

"When I caught Hank kissing my wife, I went after him with my nightstick. He was pretty beat up, but we had a good laugh about it."

Gwen nodded. "That was pretty funny. I think. I'm incapable of feeling any emotion other than sadness or irritation."

"That's not very happy," Chad said. "But I'm happy."

"Theresa, what's wrong? Your eyes are as wide as saucers!" Whitney pointed out.

"Y-you're all nuts! This isn't what I wanted to happen. Not at all! Oh, I have to find Screw!" She turned and ran off.

"Well, that was odd," Gwen commented. She started to cry.

"There she goes again!" Luis erupted with hysterical laughter, and soon, the others joined in.

Theresa was so upset that she wasn't watching where she was going. She tripped over something and went sprawling onto the dance floor.

"Oh, look. There's Pilar's daughter. Be a dear and help her up, Julian."

Theresa looked up to see Julian Crane kneeling beside her, one hand outstretched. "Of course. It's always a delight to help a lovely young lady. It makes me so happy."

"Well, it certainly makes Mr. Happy happy!" Ivy Crane laughed, throwing her head back.

Julian's hand brushed over her arm. Theresa jerked backwards to avoid it.

"Stay away from me!" she screamed, darting off the dance floor and onto the pathway that led to the fountain.

"What an odd girl. She didn't seem very happy," Julian commented.

"Why would she be happy to have a repulsive lecher like you pawing all over her?" Ivy asked.

They both laughed.

* * *

Theresa found Screw in the same spot she had left him. He was lying by the side of the fountain watching a program on a small portable television set.

"Back so soon?"

"Everything turned out wrong! Ethan's married to somebody else. And everyone's acting weird!"

"This is a weird town, hon. Haven't you noticed that yet?" Screw seemed bored.

"You have to turn things back the way they were!"

Screw waved his hand in the air. "Done."

"I'm going to try this one more time," Theresa drew out her words carefully. "And I want you to do this right this time."

"Demanding little wench! All right."

"I want Ethan to be a Crane. And I don't want him married to anybody else but ME. I don't want Gwen anywhere near my brother or Ethan. Gwen can be in love with somebody else… like Hank. Hank said he was in love with her. He can have her. My marriage to Julian never happened. And I want to be rich. And famous."

"Is that ALL?" Screw sneered.

"Yes."

"Done. Run along now, dearie. 'Angel' is on."

Theresa stuck her tongue out at the devil.

* * *

When Theresa got back to the dance, Whitney was standing in the same place as before. Theresa went over to her. "Whitney? Are you… happy?" Theresa asked.

Whitney's eyes widened. "Oh my God! Theresa, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the dance, of course. Is Ethan looking for me?"

Whitney grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into some bushes. "I can't believe you're here. How did you escape?"

"Escape? From where?"

"From prison, of course!"

Theresa started to choke. Whitney slapped her on the back.

"PRISON? Why would I be in PRISON?" Theresa was almost afraid to hear the answer. Screw had done it again.

"Hello? You're infamous! The Arroz Con Pollo Killer? Does that ring a bell?"

"Not particularly. Should it?"

"Theresa, you honestly don't remember having killed four people?"

"I killed four people?! Who?"

Whitney counted off on her fingers. "Your mother, Miguel, Charity, and Father Lonigan. You served them bad chicken. They got salmonella poisoning and died."

"But… that would be an accident! Why would I go to prison for that?"

"The judge found out that you tried to bribe some of the jurors with your billions."

"Whitney, I would never bribe jurors when the case was so open and shut like that." Theresa paused. "I have billions?"

"Correction. Ethan has billions. As your husband, he got control of the money while you served five consecutive life sentences."

"Is Ethan here?"

"No. He's off in the Caribbean on your yacht with his gorgeous mistress, Bambi."

"What?!"

"Of course, it was unfortunate that the judge who oversaw your case was a close friend of the Hotchkiss family…"

"Oh dear…" The world tilted and spun. Theresa slumped against Whitney. "I have to find Screw and correct this -"

"Oh, there you are, Whitney. Your mother is looking for you -" Grace Bennett had discovered them. Her face turned ugly when she spotted Theresa. "You! You… you.. murderer! You killed my Charity!" She lunged at Theresa and started to yank at her hair.

All the noise attracted bystanders, who came over to watch. "Look! It's the Arroz Con Pollo Killer!" Theresa heard somebody say.

"No! Mrs. Bennett! This is a mistake!"

"Mistake this, you little BITCH!"

The last thing Theresa saw was Grace Bennett's fist coming at her face.

* * *

Theresa awoke in a padded cell. Screw was standing in the corner, shaking his head at her.

She lunged for him, fingers curled into claws. "You… you… bastard!"

Screw yawned. He wiggled his pinky and a bolt of lightning struck Theresa in the chest, slamming her against the opposite wall. She slumped to the floor, dazed.

"Have you ever heard the phrase… 'be careful what you wish for', dearie?"

Smoldering brown eyes burned a hole in his face from underneath a tangle of dark hair. "I demand you get me out of here! I want everything back as it was. I'm through with YOU!"

"Oops. I'm sorry… it's one minute past midnight! Your times up."

Theresa started to choke. "Y-you mean I'm STUCK here?!"

"I'll give your regards to Ethan and Bambi."

"B-b-but…"

By the way, I didn't tell you my full name…"

"What?"

"It's Fate. Screw Fate."

A bloodcurdling scream echoed throughout the prison.

Screw Fate grinned. "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!"

He disappeared into a cloud of red smoke.

* * *

"Darling… come here and look at this," Hank Bennett murmured, looking up from the morning paper.

His wife walked up behind him and peered over his shoulder. "Oh, my. Theresa escaped from prison last night."

"Gwen, honey, remember when she and Ethan married, and you were determined to get him back?"

Gwen laughed. "Oh, that seems so long ago!" She put her hand on Hank's shoulder, and he covered it with his own. "I had a postcard from him the other day. He and Bambi are doing well."

"That's wonderful." Hank pulled her hand down to his lips and kissed it. "We'll have to join them soon. I wouldn't mind a second honeymoon."

Gwen looked down at him with warmth in her eyes. "I'd love that."

Hank stood up. "I have to go, darling."

Gwen leaned up, wrapped her arms around him, and gave him a long, lingering kiss goodbye. "Mmm… miss me while you're at work."

Hank grinned. "I always do!" He gave her one last peck on the nose before leaving.

When he was gone, Gwen turned and picked up the newspaper. She stared at Theresa's horrified face scrunching at her in black and white. A small, barely perceptible smile turned up the corners of her mouth.