Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands'performance as a lover. The first woman says"My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."

"The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."

"The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft.

He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

Four dead nuns are standing at the gates to Heaven. St. Peter motions for the first to come forward and says, "Sister Catherine, have you ever touched a man's ding-a-ling?" Sister Catherine extended her right forefinger and replied, "Only with this finger." St. Peter says, "Well, wash it in this Holy Water and you may pass."

The second nungoes to St. Peter and he asks her the same question. Sister Mary replies, "Only with my right hand." St. Peter instructs her to wash it in Holy Water, and she passes throught the gates, into Heaven.

After witnessing theseproceedings, the fourth nun promptly elbows the third to the ground and cuts in front of her in line. St. Peter says to her, "Sister Barbara, why did you do that? Everyone will get a turn." Sister Barbara responds, "If you think I'm rinsing my mouth with that Water after she sticks her ass in it, you're crazy!"

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Farad decided to try and get a cute little joule to let him discharge. He picked up Millie Amp and took her for a ride on his megacycle. They rode across Wheatstone Bridge around by the sine wave and stopped in a magnetic field by a flowing current. Micro Farad, attracted by the characteristic curves of Millie, soon had his resistance at a minimum, and his field fully excited. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, lowered her capacitance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. He inserted it into her socket, connecting them in series, and began to short circuit her shunt. However, he forgot one basic rule: never flux without a weber!!

Fully excited, Millie Amp said, "Mho, Mho, give me Mho !" With his tube operating at maximum peak and her coil vibrating from the current flow, she soon reached her breakdown voltage. The excess current flow had gotten her so hot that Micro Farad was rapidly discharged and drained of every electron.

They fluxed all night, trying various connections and sockets until his bar magnet had lost all of its field strenght. Afterwards, Millie Amp tried self induction, and damaged her solenoid. With his battery fully drained, Micro Farad was unable to excite his generator so they ended up reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

WATT A NIGHT ! ! !

Once upon a time there was a nice young man called Karim. He used to sell caps for a living, and roam around several villages. One day he would be in Mughalsarai, the other day people would find him in Faizabad.

It was an afternoon in summer and he was traversing the vast plains when he felt tired and wanted to have a nap. He found a nice mango tree with lots of branches and cool shade, placed his bag of caps beside him and went to sleep. Tired as he was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he woke up after a refreshing little nap, he found that there weren't any caps in his bag! "Oh, Allah!", he said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find me of all people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree was full of cute monkeys wearing colorful caps! He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He made faces at them and found the monkeys to be experts at that. He threw a stone at them and they showered him with raw mangoes. "Ya Allah, how do I get my caps back," he said. Frustrated, he took off his own cap and slammed it on the ground. And lo, the stupid monkeys threw their caps too! Smart Karim didn't waste a second, collected the caps and was on his way.

50 Years later ....
Young Abdul, grandson of famous topiwala Karim who was also working hard at making $$$ doing his family business, was going through the same jungle. After a long walk he was very tired and found a nice mango tree with lots of branches and cool shade. Abdul decided to rest a while and very soon was fast asleep. A few hours later, when Abdul woke up, he realized that all the caps from his bag were gone! Abdul started searching for the same and to his surprise found some monkeys sitting on mango tree wearing his caps. Abdul was frustrated and didn't know what to do. And then he remembered a story his grandfathers proudly used to let him. "Yes!!! I can fool these monkeys!", said Abdul. "I'll make them imitate me and very soon I'll get all my caps back!"

Abdul threw his cap on the ground .................... one of the monkeys jumped down from the tree, picked the cap, walked up to Abdul; slapped him and said "Idiot!!! Do you think ONLY YOU HAVE A GRANDFATHER?????"

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful, bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.

"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants, twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress.

"So," he asked. "Any luck with the tomatoes?"
"No," she replied excitedly..... "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all your clothes."
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

Good girls say " thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, " what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls...

Good girls love italian food...
Bad girls love italian waiters.

Good girls prefer the missionary position...
Bad girls do too- when acting out a "virgin" fantasy.

Good girls pack their toothbrush...
Bad girls pack their diaphragms.

Good girls save for a rainy day...
Bad girls save for a Chanel suit.

Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it...
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls wear high heels to work..
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance...
Bad girls think NO place is the wrong place.

Good girls have stocks...
Bad girls have stockbrokers.

Good girls collect silk shirts...
Bad girls collect chiffon teddies.

Good girls just say no...
Bad girls just say when.

Good girls never do "it" on the first date...
Bad girls wait to see what kind of car he's driving.

Good girls read best-sellers...
Bad girls sleep with their authors.

Good girls write condolence notes...
Bad girls marry the widower.

Dracula was killed one day & up he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God refused to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done going around sucking blood & killing.

"I'll give you a chance to redeem your sins", said God "I'll send you back to earth, BUT not in a human form. You can only be reincarnated into any other living thing of your choice. So, what would you like to be?"

Still unrepentant, Dracula said, "OK, I want to become a LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD, heh..heh..heh."

"So be it", said God and He turned Dracula into a VAMPIRE BAT.

So back to earth he went, flying around sucking the blood of animals until one day when he got killed by a farmer. So up he went again to meet God, feeling a lil'bit sheepish.

"I'll give you another chance", said God. "I'll send you back again BUT not as a human or a bat. What will it be this time?"

Still adamant, Dracula said, "I'll still want to be a LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD!"

God thought for a while and then said, "OK, if that's what you want", and turned Dracula into a MOSQUITO.

So back to earth again he went, flying around & sucking blood until one day, SPLAT! he was squashed by his victim. So up he went again to meet God, feeling stupid.

"I'll give you one last chance to redeem yourself. BUT, this time you cannot become a living thing. You can only be turned into a NON-LIVING THING of your choice. So what will it be?" asked God.

Still stubborn, Dracula said, "Okayyyy...then turn me into a NON-LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD!! heh...heh...heh"

"No problem," said God and He turns Dracula into a NON-LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD.

Dracula became a WHISPER (sanitary) napkin. heheheheh

trash after

The pope was coming over to visit Canada and when he was greeted at the airport there was a limo waiting for him. As he was getting in he asked the limo driver if he could drive instead, because being a pope - he never got to do neat things like that.

The driver said sure, after all - you can't say no to the pope. The pope of course decided to have some fun and drove the limo at about 200 km/h in a 80 km/h zone and a cop spots him and pulls him over. The cop of course was very surpised when he looked inside the limo, and immediately radioed his supervisor.

Cop: What should I do? I can't ticket this guy!
Supervisor: Why who is it? The Mayor?

Cop: No, much more important!
Supervisor: Not the mayor? Is it the Premiere?

Cop: No, much more important!
Supervisor: Not the Premiere? The President?

Cop: No, much much more important!
Supervisor: Not the President? Who the hell can be more important than the President?

Cop: I don't know, but he has the Pope as his chauffeur!

For the boys.....

This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming fhoulrom his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh...well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back again!"

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?", the priest asked. "They only know how to say `Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?"

"That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

"Thank you." said the lady. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?" One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says,

"PUT THE BIBLES AWAY!

OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!"