E-mail: Packrat@magicbus.com

All right guys, I just watched X-Files and this idea popped in my head. I'm still not sure what I was thinking. Maybe aliens implanted a suggestion telling me to write this story. Excuse the silliness of Mulder and Scully, this is something of a parady on X-Files.

Opening Credits: Play X-Files theme song but add a goofy looking background. Pictures of P-Chan, Genma Panda, Akane chasing Ranma and the like float by.

Ranma 1/2: The Truth is Out There, Just Not Here

Opening: screen split down middle - Scully and Mulder each on one side of screen. They hold cellular phones and appear to be talking to each other. Scully is driving and talking. Mulder is apparently letting someone else drive as he is in the passenger seat.

Scully: Mulder, Why are we in Tokyo?

Mulder: I told you, Scully. There has been a very large number of reports on sightings of unusual things in this area. Most of the sightings seem to occur around one house.

Scully: And you think the inhabitants of this house are connected?

Mulder: Yes, they may even be aliens themselves. There has been reports of strange energy and light formations in the area. The most unusual reports have been of strange mutations occurring in broad daylight.

Scully: What kind of mutations?

Mulder: Well, the major one seems to be of a boy who turns into a red-haired, pig-tailed girl. Scully, we have to get there before the American government does! This is the evidence we have been looking for! I can feel it!

Scully: (not convinced) Uh huh. Can you explain one more thing to me?

Mulder: Yes?

Scully: WHY THE HECK ARE WE USING THE CELLULAR PHONES WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT NEXT TO ME?

(pull back to a shot of Mulder and Scully together. They are next to each other in the front seat of a blue rental car. Each holds a phone in their hand.)

Mulder: (pouting) Well, if you're gonna be that way about it. (he puts his phone in his jacket.)

Scully: (sighs, clicks off the phone and puts it down) Would you check on QuiQuac for me?

Mulder: (looks behind him, and we see an small, orange Pomeranian sleeping in a carrier in the back seat) He's still sleeping. Why did you bring him along anyway?

[Author's note: I know Quiquac is dead. Assume this happens before he died or else this is an alternate universe where he wasn't eaten by a crocodile. Either way the dog stays.]

Scully: Mommy's little baby just wanted to get out, didn't he?

Mulder: Well, I wanted to travel, but why did you bring the dog?

(Scully gives him an icy stare and turns her attention to the road. Time passes. Eventually they stop the car in front of a house that looks like it has been patched up many times. They get out of the car, Scully leading Quiquac on a leash. Mulder shields his eyes with his hand and looks up at the house.)

Scully: This is it? It doesn't look like much.

Mulder: (nods) No, it doesn't, which makes me suspicious. (He peers at the sign in front of the house.) "Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. Easy payment plans available. Contact Nabiki Tendo."

Scully: "Anything Goes Martial Arts?" Isn't that a musical?

Mulder: (nods again) Yes it is. I wonder how I could read that sign.

Scully: What do you mean? Don't you know Japanese?

Mulder: No, I don't.

[Author's Note: Scully and Mulder were actually abducted by aliens sent by the author. The aliens implanted translation devices in the two agentsı brains. Now, in order to make the authorıs job easier, they can speak and read Japanese fluently. Nifty plot device huh?]

Scully: [shakes her head] I could probably find some medical reason for you suddenly able to read and speak Japanese, but right now we don't have time. [knocking] Hello? Is anybody home?

(The door is opened by a young woman with long brown hair. She is very attractive appears to be in her early twenties.)

Kasumi: Yes, can I help you? (Quiquac begins barking. He jumps up at Kasumi, his tail wagging happily.)

Scully: (looking at her dog strangely) Um... yes, we're with the American government agency called the FBI, we've been sent to investigate some reports of unusual happenings that have occurred in this area.

Mulder: Most of the sightings seem to occur around this house. Would you mind if we asked you a few questions?

Kasumi: No, not at all. Please, follow me. (The two agents follow Kasumi into the dining room. They sit down at the table, but Kasumi remains standing.)

Kasumi: Would you like some tea?

Scully: Um, yes, thank you. Would it be all right if I let Quiquac off the leash? He seems terribly excited for some reason.

Kasumi: Oh, of course! Maybe he would like to play with my sister's pet pig if he's around. (She disappears into the kitchen. They hear her call faintly.) P-Chan? P-Chan? (She comes back to the table) Oh my, he seems to be lost again. I'll just go get your tea now.

(Scully lets Quiquac off the leash. The dog takes off after Kasumi, barking happily.)

Scully: (watching her dog) He seems to have taken to that young woman rather well.

Mulder: (sulking a bit) Wish he liked me like that.

Scully: Well, he would if you hadn't tried to sell him to that fur manufacturer!.

Mulder: Hey! I was just using him as bait to try to get the manufacturer to expose his evil psychic fur-making.

Scully: Well, you didn't have to go on about what a fine pair of mittens Quiquac would make!

Mulder: (looks around) I wonder where the aliens are?

Scully: Mulder, we can't even be sure that UFOs are involved here at all. (Kasumi enters with a tray. She places it down on the table and sits. Quiquac jumps in her lap.)

Kasumi: (smiles at Quiquac, and ruffles his fur) Hello there, Mr. Doggie!

Mulder: (glares at the dog) I'm sorry we forgot to introduce ourselves, Miss. I'm agent Fox Mulder, and this is my partner, Dana Scully. I see you've already met Quiquac.

Kasumi: It's nice to meet you. I'm Kasumi Tendo. You said you were government agents? (Mulder and Scully nod) My! That must be exciting!

(Scully and Mulder give each other startled glances)

Scully: Well, yes it is sometimes, when we're not chasing ghosts. (gives Mulder a sharp glance) Do you live here alone, Ms. Tendo?

Kasumi: (she laughs lightly) Oh no. I live here with my father and my two younger sisters, Nabiki and Akane. We have two house guests staying with us as well. Their names are Genma Saotome and his son Ranma.

Mulder: Ms. Tendo, does anything unusual ever happen around your house?

Kasumi: (blinks in surprise) Why no. I don't think so. (smiles) We do have some excitement around here sometimes, but nothing really strange occurs.

(A cry of "RANMA!!!!!!!!!!" echoes throughout the house. A black-haired boy runs past the dining room. He is chased by a girl with short, dark hair carrying a mallet. The two agents stare in shock. Kasumi just smiles and drinks her tea.)

Mulder: Wha- What was that?

Kasumi: That's my sister, Akane, and her fiancee, Ranma. Theyıre both so energetic! Ranma, Akane, come meet our guests!

(Ranma and Akane come charging into the dining room. Ranma trips and sprawls on the floor. Akane runs up behind him and readies the mallet.)

Akane: RANMA NO BAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!

(She punts him into the fish pond. A wet red-haired girl comes up spitting water. She clambers out of the pond back toward Akane.)

Ranma-chan: (angrily) Hey, you tomboy, I told you I didn't mean to hit that stupid pig of yours!

Akane: (even more angrily) Who are you calling tomboy?! (She raises the mallet for another swing.)

Ranma-chan: EEP! (Ranma-chan takes off toward the rooftops. Akane follows. Soon they are out of sight. Kasumi smiles and pets Quiquac. The two agents just stare in shock. Suddenly Mulder jumps up and points.)

Mulder: See, Scully! I told you there where aliens here!

Scully: (desperately) Iım sure thereıs a perfectly reasonable explanation for this..., um... well, the boyıs DNA could have just changed due to solar radiation, or that pond is a portal to another dimension and the boy fell through, or....

Kasumi: (interrupting) Actually itıs just Ranmaıs curse. (The agents heads turn to focus on the innocently smiling woman.)

Mulder & Scully: Curse?!

Kasumi: See Ranmaıs father took him to a training ground in China called Jusenkyo...

(((((((Insert Flashback)))))))) [Actually youıve prolly seen or heard this explanation about a million times so go ahead and skip to the Scully's next line.]

Kasumi: What Mr. Saotome didnıt know was that the training ground was cursed. Whoever fell into one of the cursed springs turned into whatever had drown there earlier. Ranma fell into ³Spring of Drowned Girl², so he turns into a girl with cold water. He changes back with hot water.

Scully: Jusenkyo? Cursed springs? You mean all those unusual sightings were due to some clumsy people falling into a pond? No aliens? No weird tribal legends? No serial murderers? No nuclear mutants? I wasnıt even kidnapped and we have already solved this case?! (Kasumi smiles and nods. Scully looks stunned Mulder starts shaking.)

Mulder: (his eye is twitching and he seems slightly hysterical) We travel over half the world to take this case, and THERE ARE NO ALIENS INVOLVED AT ALL?

Kasumi: (slightly worried at Mulderıs condition) Iım sorry I couldnıt help you, Mr. Mulder. Perhaps you should have another cup of tea.

(Scully looks at her partner with concern. Mulder, for his part, looks ready to cry.)

Mulder: (muttering to himself) maybe, maybe, I was wrong... maybe they donıt exist... Iıve looked for so long... I just thought...

(He is interrupted by something crashing through the roof and landing on top of Scully. The object in question seems to be a short old man. The old man is Happosai. A number of brassieres and various womenıs undergarments come floating through the hole.)

Happosai: (faintly) Come here my pretties... Iıll give you all a good home... (He faints.)

Kasumi: Oh my. Happosai must have gotten some woman angry again.

(Scully begins to stir. Mulder stares at Happosai as if he is the last lifeboat on the sinking Titanic.)

Mulder: (stunned) I-I... I WAS RIGHT! ALIENS DO EXIST! Thank you for the help, Ms. Tendo. (He grabs Happosai and leads/drags Scully towards the door.) Donıt worry. Weıll take this alien back to the States and dissect him. He wonıt bother anyone else ever again!

Kasumi: (worried) Wait! Heıs not an alien!

Mulder: (not listening too her) Thanks again! (He grins like a madman and does a little jig as he heads toward the car.) Keep the dog as a gift!

Scully: (groggily) No, Mulder, I donıt know why UFOs would abduct Elvis... Ohh.... (she fades back into unconsciousness)

Mulder: (ecstatically) I found an alien! I found an alien! (He puts Happosai and the barely conscious Scully in the back seat. Then he goes to the driver side. He stops and waves at Kasumi before getting in.) Thanks again! Sayonora! (He gets in.)

Kasumi: Wait, Mr. Mul- (she is interrupted by the car starting and driving off. She looks down at the fluffy dog in her arms. Quiquac reaches up and licks her face.)

Quiquac: (happily) Ruff! Rooff!

Kasumi: Oh dear.

The End.

Thatıs it folks! I finally finished a Ranma fanfic (Iım currently working on three others). I hoped you liked it. Mulder and Scully were acting kind of silly, but, hey, if you were dropped in an anime or manga wouldnıt you be silly too? I hope I didnıt offend anyone with this fanfiction. This was just for fun. Anyway send comments, criticisms, and other assorted things to packrat@magicbus.com. Send evil, nasty, hate-mail to ³Someone@somewhere.com. Thanks for reading, and remember to check out my web-page for anymore fanfics I do. The address is http://geocities.datacellar.net/Tokyo/8094. Special thanks go out to Jen ³Whoıs P-Chan?² Hess for helping me spell ³Scully² right. And to Rumiko Takahashi for creating Ranma, and to whoever owns X-Files (I think Fox does but Iım not sure). Adios.

-Anne Packrat 10/28/96

³Oh my, Iım afraid Iım about to do something evil again.² - Kasumi - OAV 6: ³Faster Kasumi! Kill! Kill!²
³Hey, Scully, what are you wearing?² - Mulder - some X-Files episode (maybe the cockroach one)