With the prizes of the last century unhappily taken away from them, newly minted lawyers cast around somberly for work. They have to pass muster with defending free speech and prosecuting murderers. The interest on their tuition keeps mounting up and their classmates, employees of the debt-collectors, keep calling them.
In this abysmal world, at this beclouded time, a drunken lawyer drives into a tree and saves the practice of law. "Alcohol is addictive," he reasons, "the idea that I chose to drink is a fallacy promoted by the spirit companies."
Dozens of disbarred doctors and untenured English professors will testify that wine has been shown to cause everything from diabetes to mental cruelty.
It can be mentioned in court, within ear-shot of a jury, that beer manufacturers add hops and chemicals (which may be carcinogenic) to manipulate the levels of alcohol.
Vineyards constantly advertise and link their wines with a gracious lifestyle. Their purpose, as shown in documents leaked by disgruntled employees, is to corrupt the minds of our children and catch them young.
Our children must be protected.
My guess? 2003.
