THE thousand injuries of Independ@nt I, Demona, had borne as I best I could, but when he ventured upon insult by putting those danmed pink ribbons in my hair, I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be avenged; this was a point definitely, settled --but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make herself felt as such to him who has done the wrong.
      It must be understood that neither by word nor deed had I given Independ@nt cause to doubt my good will. I continued, as was my in to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my to smile now was at the thought of his immolation.
      He had a weak point --this Independ@nt --although in other regards he was a man to be respected and even feared. He prided himself on his connoisseurship in cheap booze. Few Net.Goths have the true virtuoso spirit. For the most part their enthusiasm is adopted to suit the time and opportunity, to practise imposture upon the Mopeys and ClubGoffs. In painting and gemmary, Independ@nt, like his countrymen, was a quack, but in the matter of liquer he was sincere. In this respect I did differ from him materially; --I bought nothing and largely avoided it whenever I could.
      It was about dusk, one evening during the supreme madness of the Convergence season, that I encountered my friend. He accosted me with excessive warmth, for he had been drinking much. The man wore  motley. He had on a a velvet trench coat that looked goofy, and his head was surmounted by the conical cap and bells. I was so pleased to see him that I thought I should never have done wringing his hand.
      I said to him --"My dear Independ@nt, you are luckily met. How remarkably well you are looking to-day. But I have received a bottle of what passes for Smirnoff 100 proof, and I have my doubts."
      "How?" said he. "100 PROOF, A bottle? Impossible! And in the middle of the Convergence!"
      "I have my doubts," I replied; "and I was silly enough to pay the full Smirnoff price without consulting you in the matter. You were not to be found, and I was fearful of losing a bargain."
      "100 Proof!"
      "I have my doubts."
      "100 Proof!"
      "And I must satisfy them."
      "100 Proof!"
      "As you are engaged, I am on my way to Chrome. If any one has a critical turn it is he. He will tell me --"
      "That old war horse Chrome cannot tell 100 proof from Maddog 20/20."
      "And yet some fools will have it that his taste is a match for your own.
      "Come, let us go."
      "Whither?"
      "To your vaults."
      "My friend, no; I will not impose upon your good nature. I perceive you have an engagement. Chromie--"
      "I have no engagement; --come."
      "My friend, no. It is not the engagement, but the severe cold with which I perceive you are afflicted. The vaults are insufferably damp. They are encrusted with nitre."
      "Let us go, nevertheless. The cold is merely nothing. Smirnoff 100! You have been imposed upon. And as for Chrome, he cannot distinguish piss water Corona from Smirnoff."
      Thus speaking, Independ@nt possessed himself of my arm; and putting on a mask of black silk and drawing a roquelaire closely about my person, I suffered him to hurry me to my palazzo.
      There were no attendants at home; they had absconded to make merry in honour of the time. I had told them that I should not return until the morning, and had given them explicit orders not to stir from the house. These orders were sufficient, I well knew, to insure their immediate disappearance, one and all, as soon as my back was turned.
      I took from their sconces two Zippos, and giving one to Independ@nt, bowed him through several suites of rooms to the archway that led into the vaults. I passed down a long and winding staircase, requesting him to be cautious as he followed. We came at length to the foot of the descent, and stood together upon the damp ground of the catacombs of Ortholox.
      The gait of my friend was unsteady, and the bells upon his cap jingled as he strode.
      "The flask," he said.
      "It is farther on," said I; "but observe the white web-work which gleams from these cavern walls."
      He turned towards me, and looked into my eves with two filmy orbs that distilled the rheum of intoxication.
      "Nitre?" he asked, at length.
      "Nitre," I replied. "How long have you had that cough?"
      "Ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh!"
      My poor friend found it impossible to reply for many minutes.
      "It is nothing," he said, at last.
      "Come," I said, with decision, "we will go back; your health is precious. You are rich, respected, admired, beloved; you are happy, as once I was. You are a man to be missed. For me it is no matter. We will go back; you will be ill, and I cannot be responsible. Besides, there is Chrome --"
      "Enough," he said; "the cough's a mere nothing; it will not kill me. I shall not die of a cough."
      "True --true," I replied; "and, indeed, I had no intention of alarming you unnecessarily --but you should use all proper caution. A draught of this brandi will defend us from the damps.
      Here I knocked off the neck of a bottle which I drew from a long row of its fellows that lay upon the mould.
      "Drink," I said, presenting him the bottle.
      He raised it to his lips with a leer. He paused and nodded to me familiarly, while his bells jingled.
      "I drink," he said, "to the buried that repose around us."
      "And I to your long life."
      He again took my arm, and we proceeded.
      "These vaults," he said, "are extensive."
      "Josus Ortholox," I replied, "was a great man"
      "I forget your arms."
      "A huge human foot d'or, in a field azure; the foot crushes a serpent rampant whose fangs are imbedded in the heel."
      "And the motto?"
      "Nemo me impune lacessit."
      "Good!" he said.
      The alcohol sparkled in his eyes and the bells jingled. My own fancy grew warm with the sound. We had passed through long walls of piled skeletons, with casks and puncheons intermingling, into the inmost recesses of the catacombs. I paused again, and this time I made bold to seize Independ@nt by an arm above the elbow.
      "The nitre!" I said; "see, it increases. It hangs like moss upon the vaults. We are below the cathedral's foundations. The drops of moisture trickle among the bones. Come, we will go back ere it is too late. Your cough --"
      "It is nothing," he said; "let us go on. But first, another draught of the brandi."
      I broke and reached him a pint of Leroux. He emptied it at a breath. His eyes flashed with a fierce light. He laughed and threw the bottle upwards with a gesticulation I did not understand. I looked at him in surprise. He repeated the movement --a grotesque one.
      "You do not comprehend?" he said.
      "Not I," I replied.
      "Then you are not of the brotherhood."
      "How?"
      "You are not of the masons."
      "Yes, yes," I said; "yes, yes."
      "You? Impossible! A mason?"
      "A mason," I replied.
      "A sign," he said, "a sign."
      "It is this," I answered, producing from beneath the folds of my roquelaire a picture of Gutter Glitter.
      "You jest," he exclaimed, recoiling a few paces. "But let us proceed to the 100 proof."
      "Be it so," I said, replacing the photo beneath the cloak and again offering him my arm. He leaned upon it heavily. We continued our route in search of the vodka. We passed through a range of low arches, descended, passed on, and descending again, arrived at a deep crypt, in which the foulness of the air caused our Zippos rather to glow than flame.
      At the most remote end of the crypt there appeared another less spacious. Its walls had been lined with human remains, piled to the vault overhead, in the fashion of the great catacombs of icq. Three sides of this interior crypt were still ornamented in this manner. From the fourth side the bones had been thrown down, and lay promiscuously upon the earth, forming at one point a mound of some size. Within the wall thus exposed by the displacing of the bones, we perceived a still interior crypt or recess, in depth about four feet, in width three, in height six or seven. It seemed to have been constructed for no especial use within itself, but formed merely the interval between two of the colossal supports of the roof of the catacombs, and was backed by one of their circumscribing walls of solid granite.
      It was in vain that Independ@nt, uplifting his dull lighter,  endeavoured to pry into the depth of the recess. Its termination the feeble light did not enable us to see.
      "Proceed," I said; "herein is the 100 Proof. As for Chromie --"
      "He is a senile old fool," interrupted my friend, as he stepped unsteadily forward, while I followed immediately at his heels. In niche, and finding an instant he had reached the extremity of the niche, and finding his progress arrested by the rock, stood stupidly bewildered. A moment more and I had fettered him to the granite. In its surface were two iron staples, distant from each other about two feet, horizontally. From one of these depended a short chain, from the other a padlock. Throwing the links about his waist, it was but the work of a few seconds to secure it. He was too much astounded to resist. Withdrawing the key I stepped back from the recess.
      "Pass your hand," I said, "over the wall; you cannot help feeling the nitre. Indeed, it is very damp. Once more let me implore you to return. No? Then I must positively leave you. But I must first render you all the little attentions in my power."
      "The Smirnoff!" ejaculated my friend, not yet recovered from  his astonishment.
      "True," I replied; "the Smirnoff."
      As I said these words I busied myself among the pile of bones of which I have before spoken. Throwing them aside, I soon uncovered a quantity of building stone and mortar. With these materials and with the aid of my trowel, I began vigorously to wall up the entrance of the niche.
      I had scarcely laid the first tier of the masonry when I discovered that the intoxication of Independ@nt had in a great measure worn off. The earliest indication I had of this was a low moaning cry from the depth of the recess. It was not the cry of a drunken man. There was then a long and obstinate silence. I laid the second tier, and the third, and the fourth; and then I heard the furious vibrations of the chain. The noise lasted for several minutes, during which, that I might hearken to it with the more satisfaction, I ceased my labours and sat down upon the bones. When at last the clanking subsided, I resumed the trowel, and finished without interruption the fifth, the sixth, and the seventh tier. The wall was now nearly upon a level with my breast. I again paused, and holding the zippo over the mason-work, threw a few feeble rays upon the figure within.
      A succession of loud and shrill screams, bursting suddenly from the throat of the chained form, seemed to thrust me violently back. For a brief moment I hesitated, I trembled. Unsheathing my rapier, I began to grope with it about the recess; but the thought of an instant  reassured me. I placed my hand upon the solid fabric of the catacombs, and felt satisfied. I reapproached the wall; I replied to the yells of him who clamoured. I re-echoed, I aided, I surpassed them in volume and in strength. I did this, and the clamourer grew still.
      It was now midnight, and my task was drawing to a close. I had completed the eighth, the ninth and the tenth tier. I had finished a portion of the last and the eleventh; there remained but a single stone to be fitted and plastered in. I struggled with its weight; I placed it partially in its destined position. But now there came from out the niche a low laugh that erected the hairs upon my head. It was succeeded by a sad voice, which I had difficulty in recognizing as that of the noble Independ@nt. The voice said--
      "Ha! ha! ha! If you wanted to tie me up all you had to do was ask --he! he! he! --a very good joke, indeed --an excellent jest. We will have many a rich laugh about it at the cathedral --he! he!he! --over our vodka --he! he! he!"
      "The 100 proof!" I said. "He! he! he! --he! he! he! --yes, the 100 proof. But is it not getting late? Will not they be awaiting us at the cathedral, the old lady Chrome and the rest? Let us be gone."
      "Yes," I said, "let us be gone."
      "For the love of God, Demona!"
      "Yes," I said, "for the love of God!"
      But to these words I hearkened in vain for a reply. I grew  impatient. I called aloud --
      "Independ@nt!"
      No answer. I called again --
      "Independ@nt!"
      No answer still. I thrust a zippo through the remaining aperture and  let it fall within. There came forth in return only a jingling of the bells. My heart grew sick; it was the dampness of the catacombs that made it so. I hastened to make an end of my labour. I forced the last stone into its position; I plastered it up. Against the new masonry I re-erected the old rampart of bones. For the half of a century no mortal has disturbed them. In pace requiescat!

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