FATHERHOOD - Part Three
Written by Kirri Liepins

Andrew made a face as he wiped his now-soaken shirt. Toby and Mike stared at him, wide-eyed and disbelieving. Phil's pregnant? How was this possible?

"Andrew? Are you screwing with us?" Toby asked slowly. Andrew sighed and shook his head. I knew they wouldn't believe me.

"No, i'm serious. He consented to an experiment when he was in the hospital. They're basically trying to pull off a Junior - have a man give birth to a healthy child."

"Phil wouldn't do anything like that!" Mike objected.

"Well, they wouldn't do it if he didn't let them. But the funny thing is, Phil has no recollection of the doctors at the hospital even asking him to do it."

"Someone probably slipped him a sleeping pill," Toby said. He paused for a moment as he thought about their situation, then continued. "So, what do we do? We're making an album here. It'll look strange later on when he asks for maternity leave, won't it?"

"I know. When he comes out of the bathroom, we'll try and work something out."

And so the trio scattered themselves around the room, waiting patiently for Phil to finish bowing down and worshipping the Porcelain God. When he finally emerged, he placed a hand on his stomach and fell back into a chair.

"Well, I hope the little mongrel's worth all this trouble," he commented, more to himself than to the others. He patted his stomach gently and began humming a nursery rhyme as his friends looked on in awe and amusement.

"Oh, Good Lord, you're going to keep this baby, aren't you?" Mike asked. Phil looked up at him and couldn't help but smile.

"As much hell as it gives me, i'm becoming attached to it," he replied. "And think about it - i'll be a pioneer, so to speak. I'll be the first male ever to concieve and carry a child. Besides, i've always wanted to be a dad."

"Well, you could always talk to Kate about that, couldn't you?" Toby pointed out. Phil suddenly went serious. Kate! Shit!

"Oh, frig - I forgot about Kate!" he exclaimed, still not removing his hand from his stomach. "I didn't think how she'd react to this."

"If she responds with a brass marching band and party favours, she's worth holding onto, Phil," Andrew spoke up, half-jokingly. "So how are you going to break the news to her?"

Phil shrugged. "I don't know. I'll work it out soon, I suppose. She'll get suspisions anyway, if I don't say anything and start growing a huge stomach. I just have to choose the right words to say."

"Here's a clue, Sherlock - i'm pregnant," Andrew quipped. "Really, Phil, in normal relationships, that's what the woman would be saying, not the man."

"Well, this isn't going to be a normal relationship for long, is it? Instead of her, I'LL be the one having outrageous mood swings and back pains. I'LL be the one waddling around everywhere."

"And to add to that, you'll be the one getting stretch marks and hobbling to and fro in granny slippers," Mike laughed. "Jesus, Phil, how are you going to survive the next nine months?"

"I'll survive. It shouldn't be too hard. If the ladies can do it, so can the blokes."

"But women are made for this sort of thing - men aren't. Our primary role in a woman's pregnancy is to yell, 'PUSH! PUSH!' We aren't built to carry a little sprog around." Mike took another sip of his water - though he secretly would've liked it to be beer. Maybe he'd understand this a lot more if he got absolutely legless.

"Look, I said i'll survive, okay?" Phil shot him a warning glance. "Guys, we have to keep this from the public. Especially the media. If they get wind of the fact that i'm pregnant, they're gonna drag it and us through the dirt."

"We'll work something out. But first things first, Phil..." Andrew presented his mobile phone from his back pocket and handed it to Phil. "It's time to tell Kate the news."

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