Manhood Test

1.    In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:          
         A.    Lovemaking 
         B.    Screwing 
         C.    Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. 
    
2.    You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: 
         A.    Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. 
         B.    Your blood-test results. 
         C.    Five tequila slammers. 

3.    Your time your orgasm so that: 
         A.    Your partner climaxes first. 
         B.    You both climax simultaneously. 
         C.    You don't miss ESPN Sportscenter. 
    
4.    Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: 
         A.    Healthy, creative love-play. 
         B.    Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to. 
         C.    Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to  ever find out about. 

5.    Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: 
         A.    The best part of the experience. 
         B.    The second best part of the experience. 
         C.    $100 extra. 
    
6.    Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month.
      You tell her that it is: 
         A.    Of no importance to your affectionate feelings for her. 
         B.    Not a problem, she can join your gym. 
         C.    A conservative estimate. 
    
7.    You think today's sensitive, caring man is: 
         A.    A myth 
         B.    An oxymoron 
         C.    A moron 

8.    Foreplay is to sex as: 
         A.    Appetizer is to entree. 
         B.    Primer is to paint. 
         C.    A long line is to an amusement park ride. 
    
9.    Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at 
      the end of a relationship? 
         A.    "I hope we can still be friends." 
         B.    "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the 
               beep." 
         C.    "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU." 

10.    A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: 
         A.    Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with 
               that sort of intimacy. 
         B.    Is uptight and a waste of time. 
         C.    Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. 

Evaluating Results: 
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man. 
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy,you're a little confused. 
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"