Botan's Past

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I'm desperate! Writer's block! comments, please have a heart and e-mail me.

Chapter 4

He tossed his books to the couch and headed straight upstairs for his room. The house had three rooms and is really, a tad too big for someone living by himself. He'd even thought of inviting Kuwabara and Yuusuke to share the house with him but thought better when he realized the two's sense of order. He's been living by himself for almost a year now and he'd already gotten used to the deafening silence of the house. Somehow, he learned to find comfort and solace in the house's emptiness.

He switched on the light to his room and was surprised to the door leading to the room's balcony open. He hung his coat and walked to the open door. He was pleasantly surprised to see Botan sitting on the rails of the balcony. She was staring up in the sky when she saw the lights come on at the corner of her eye. She turned and smiled at him briefly then stared back up again. Kurama leaned on the rails with his forearm and followed the direction of her gaze.

"The stars are beautiful ain't they? You know it's kind of funny that I get to be so near the sky but never really had a good look at it," she said. He nodded and shared the sky with her in silence. Botan cast a sidelong glance at the red-haired bishounen and wondered what she will tell him if the question she's been dreading came up.

There've been many nights similar to that night. Unknown to the rest of their friends, they have grown to be closest to each other. Kurama would almost always find Botan waiting for him in the balcony where they would talk for hours and hours about their day. She would tell him her frustrations with her job, how she hated Kuwabara regarding her as a ditz…even her infatuations over Yuusuke. Kurama, on the other hand, would talk of his mother, his day in school…she would even make fun of him over situations of his female classmates throwing themselves at his feet. They would fall into silences and neither of them would feel obliged to say something smart or come up with a more amusing story. They would just sit there, under the stars, watching Ningenkai sleep before them. They had fun. Too much fun, Botan thought wistfully.

She made him laugh, and he made her…he made her feel things she felt when she first met Yuusuke's soul. Before she knew it, she was starting to fall for him. But unlike her past experience with such feelings, she didn't nurture her growing fondness for the kitsune. The moment she accepted her feelings for Kurama, she stopped seeing him. It was pretty easy at that time since Koenma didn't really have any missions for the Tantei. She didn't have any reason to be in Ningenkai. Perhaps it was because he was too good and long-time a friend for her and she wasn't ready to let that friendship go and be replaced by something deeper…something more meaningful. Something she's been deprived of since she'd been a conscious soul. She can't expect, yet again, for nothing.

Kurama blew a gentle wind on her ear, Botan jumped out of her reverie. He laughed at her surprise. Damn you for being a natural charm, she said inwardly as she stared at the boyish smile spread on his face. She knew she was blushing from the warmth of his breath against her skin and she tried to conceal it by tipping her head down and removing microscopic lints from her kimono.

"It's nice to hear your laughter again, Shuuichi," she said, finally managing to meet his gaze with her patented smile. "Maybe you wouldn't have missed it if you didn't leave me," he said, she didn't fail to hear the question in his voice as she knew he was asking for some explanation, something she just couldn't possibly give him. Her smile widened, "Leave you? I didn't leave you Kurama-kun, I mean, it's not like we're together in the first place…are we?" she asked, part testing, part daring. She stared into his eyes, and he stared back.

Don't start playing games with me Botan. You should know better, he thought. "No," he said without flinching. Her heart may have sunk but she just kept on smiling, "There, you see? Besides, I didn't get to drop by as often as before because I have twice as many souls to escort to Reikai these past few months," she lied. He continued to stare at her, piercing through her soul, she refused to look away. You win this one Botan. But not next time, Kurama thought, finally diverting his gaze to his room. "Would you like to go inside? There's some ice cream on the fridge…" he was saying when Botan shook her head, "Iie, I have to be going now. Koenma just sent me to check on you guys. I'm sorry I didn't make it this morning, I had to do some of Giren's chores in Makai". Kurama noticed the sudden haste in her voice but said nothing of it.

Instead, he nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets, "I assume you'd be with us if this mission pushes through?" he asked, delaying her already decided departure. Botan smiled as she sat on her oar, "Of course. In fact, I'm on my way to meet with Koenma-sama, he's going to give me some instructions and details about the mission," she bowed slightly, "It was nice to see you again Kurama-kun". He smiled, "As I am always happy to see you, Botan-san". He watched her slice through the evening sky in grace. He was a big mass of confusion and conflict when he finally decided to go inside.

What have you gotten yourself into now? She asked. Her brief visit to Kurama's house brought the already well-buried memories come flooding back. She was disillusioned to think that she's already immune to his natural charms. No, she thought firmly, I can't let my emotions get the better of me again. She can't let him hurt her. In the back of her mind, there's always her fear of losing him to someone better than her, someone smarter and equally beautiful as he perhaps. She knew that when that time comes, she would just have to step aside and watch him go. The very thought made her wince in pain.

"How have you been, kawaii?" a male voice from the start of the arched bridge said. Botan straightened and faced whoever it was that spoke. The speaker was but a dark shadow under the midnight sky, concealed by the trees. Botan's eyes focused on the solitary figure in the dark, his voice had an achingly familiar timbre. However, her memory's failing her then.

She squinted at the tall figure, "Who goes there?" she called. Time stopped. The figure seemed to contemplate on his next move. After awhile, he started to walk towards her. Botan kept her feet planted even if his ki had an eerie feel of familiarity. He was still a stranger when he finally stepped out of the shadows. She raised her eyes to his face and was caught in fascination by a pair of pale blue eyes. Two bishounens in one night, how lucky can a girl get? She thought wryly. He stopped a foot away from her then moved a little closer to her. He walked past her, and she thought he just have mistaken her for someone else. Then she felt a tug on her hair and felt her tresses fall down her shoulder in a soft cascade.

Her memory started to sound off like warning bells in her head when he gathered her hair. His hands brushed intentionally with her cheeks and her neck. It can't be, she thought, but she was frozen in place by the extremely sensual gesture. He whispered to her ear from behind, combing her hair with his fingers, "So fragile. Why do you keep it bound?" he asked. One word caused her to walk away from the electric contact of his lips with her ear: Karasu.

She turned, away from him. As if on cue, a cold breeze blew between them sending her hair in wild disarray. He smiled, fully appreciating the picture she presented to him. "You remember," he stated with obvious pleasure. Botan's eyes ran through his entire length, this time searching for the Karasu she met in the Ankoku Bujuutsukai. The man standing before her was shorter than the bomb expert, but tall nonetheless at around Kurama's height. His jet-black hair that used to flow freely with the wind like tongues of fire was now cut stylishly short exposing his well-chiseled features. He didn't wear the cape-like number he wore in the tournament. He wore a white shirt under a black suit-jacket paired with black slacks. Ningen clothes, she thought with dread. Gone was the mask and she could visibly see the cynical smile that danced on the corner of his mouth not reaching his mesmerizing eyes.

"Say something, Botan-chan or I'd assume you've gotten deaf over time," he said, amused. She blinked. His voice sounded cultured and pleasant to her ear, unlike the raspy old timbre brought about by his mask. Botan managed a smile. She wasn't scared of him. She never really got scared of him, even before, she was startled by the starking change he'd gone through. "Y-you're… how…" she sputtered. He laughed, "One at a time kawaii. Yes, I took a ningen form after the tournament. It seems that Toguro had a final wish to Enma-Daioh of settling Bui and I to Ningenkai," he answered.

"B-but… why didn't Enma speak of this to Koenma-sama?" she blurted, blushing inwardly at having hear him use his term of endearment for her. "Toguro wished it to be a secret deal with Koenma's father. He wanted us to go on with our lives and not be bothered by those who knew us in the Bujuutsukai," he explained. She still looked at him, dumb-founded, "Think of what happened to your friend Kurama and it's much like what happened to me, except that I chose to take the body of a nearly dying ningen, Minori," he offered. After his words sunk in and Botan has come to accept his renewed existence, she became frantic.

He saw that lurk in her eyes, "Don't worry Botan-chan, I no longer seek revenge to the Urameshi team, nor do I still harbor the obsession of killing Kurama. I am now but an ordinary student who just happened to be coming from a friend's birthday a block from here and ran into the beautiful deity of death". She blushed and smiled at him, "Does the humor come with the body? If I remember right, the last and only time we talked, all I can hear from you was bitterness and cynicism".

He smiled, relaxing in her company, "Perhaps. Or maybe I've seen too many good things here in Ningenkai that made me less cynical". She walked beside him as they strolled down the grassy length of the park. She listened attentively as he told her about his life so far as a ningen. Sekihara Minori was about to finish high school when he had taken ill and was pronounced hopeless by the doctors tending him. After Karasu had taken his body, he's been declared as a miracle on legs. Unlike the old Minori, Karasu made himself of a good student who had taken particular interest with the sciences. He was so good that a job in the National Defense waits on the wings even if he doesn't finish his degree.

As she listened, Botan realized how similar his story with Kurama was. "You're so like Shuuichi. If all youko are going to end up like you guys as ningen, we might as well start closing a couple of deals," she cracked and she laughed with her. They sat on a bench near the streets, under the light of a lamppost. They sat in comfortable silence and Botan felt her hand being taken by his. "What happened to your powers?" she asked. He looked across the street, "I wished Enma-Daioh to take my powers as it seemed more and more like a curse as time went by. He granted me new powers of the same level in exchange as it's a policy in Reikai to do so?" Botan nodded at his inquiry. "Anyway, I'm thankful I don't need to worry about making stuff explode and the gunpowder around me…" he said.

"Yeah, I mean, it must be so much better now that you don't need to wear that mask around," she said giddily. Suddenly, she found herself staring straight into his blue eyes, his face only inches from hers. "You know why I didn't like having that mask around?" he whispered. She felt his warm breath against her lips. She didn't respond, he didn't say anything either. Instead, he shoved his hands into her hair and pulled her gently towards him, to touch his lips with hers. Botan felt herself lost at the exquisite sensation of his lips against hers and allowed her hand to cup his nape. Her response made him deepen their kiss. Warning bells rang inside Botan's head, but she promptly ignored it. She's never'd been kissed before and though at the back of her mind she knew this was wrong, she let herself get lost in the moment. Lost, that she didn't see the dark figure perched atop a light post, not too far away.

He watched the couple in a mixture of disgust and interest, the latter due mainly to the familiar ki emanating from the deity's friend. It felt too weak for him to place a finger on where he felt it before and soon it was no longer detectable for him. Along with its disappearance, the demon flitted off to the next tree branch, tucking what he saw in the recesses of his sharp memory.

She knelt on the cool and damp riverbank and stared at her child. She has been lucky to be blessed with an unnoticeable pregnancy. No wonder, as the child she's holding now looked so fragile in her small frame. But her luck ends right about there.It's been a month since she silently gave birth to the blue-haired child she now held in her arms. One, long month of secretly keeping the child in her cottage. The child, luckily, has been cooperative and never uttered a single sound while she was away from her cottage. At first, Inori thought she was mute or deaf but whenever she carried the child in her arms, it would gurgle silently and mutter unintelligible words.

Even now, she smiled at her. That smile made Inori's worry throughout the day vaporize when she tends to the child at night. A tear rolled down her cheek. A month has been too long and upon the advice of her friend, she knew she had to get rid of her mistake. A beautiful mistake. A tough silky, cocoon-like material that would allow the child to float materialized in front of her.

It took all of Inori's strength to place the child in the cocoon. She has grown to love the lovely mistake that was now staring lovingly back at her. Her purple-pink eyes filled with hopeful innocence. It is better this way than see the highest hermit kill the child before her and the rest of the villagers. She can't let anyone declare her daughter as a 'lesson to be learned'. She gently tucked a tuft of loose lock of blue hair at the back of her ear and kissed both of her cheeks. May the river bring you to a world that can give you the love you deserve; she thought silently then settled the cocoon to the water.

The river gently pushed the child forward in a slow, steady manner. Inori followed the floating cocoon for as long as the riverbank would permit. Not once did the child cry or utter a sound, as though she knew this was her fate. For some strange reason, Inori felt that the child has forgiven her and has understood the predicament both of them were in. The cocoon drifted farther away from her and Inori looked on with regret. She hasn't even given her a name. She waited until she could no longer discern the figure in the water. The first rays of the morning sun had started to peek from the horizon. When Inori had exhausted the last of her tears, she walked slowly back to the village.