Unsaid

by April
 
 
 

Yukina. My sister.

But I won't tell you that you are.

I can't.

Maybe someday. Maybe never.

        Oh, who am I kidding? If you only knew how much I want to tell you
the truth. To show you the love of a brother - the brother you never
knew. To care for you as a brother would. To ruffle your sea-green hair
as brothers do. To stand by your side. To wipe away your tears. To
comfort you in sorrow. To laugh with you when you're happy. To share
your pain and joy. But I can't. My jagan came with a cruel price - a
price I wish I did not agree to; a price I wish was not too high....that
I could never reveal to you that I am the long-lost brother you seek. My
only consolation is that you are near, and I can guard you and protect
you, make sure that your bright, innocent light will never be dimmed by
the darkness that exists, darkness that I have seen many times in my life.

        That vile, greedy jewelry businessman made the biggest mistake of
his pathetic life the day he even thought of keeping you prisoner. Sick,
wrenching fear gnawed at my heart and an intense, implacable anger
burned at my soul when I found out you were held captive. When I had him
pinned down, rage and hatred fueled the blows I dealt him; each blow was
revenge for each and every time he caused you pain. I wanted to beat the
life out of him. And I almost did. But you stopped me, my arm clasped by
both of yours, halting the heedless barrage of my fists. Your gentle
plea stopped me more swiftly than an entire army of youkai ever could.
And I couldn't help but marvel at the mercy you had for this ningen
lowlife who deserved nothing less than death.

        When you asked me who I was, I said that I was just a friend who
had come to rescue you. It pained me to say that, Yukina. Each word of
masked denial piercing my heart as surely as though I had stabbed myself
with my own sword. When Yusuke and Kurama asked me why I didn't tell
you, I said that you didn't need to know; that knowing you were safe was
all that mattered. I lied. I wanted to tell you. Wanted to so badly. To
be reunited with the sister I never grew up with, or played with, or
laughed with, or cried with.

        When I saved you from being crushed by the gigantic, falling chunk
of concrete in the ruined Ankoku Bujutsukai arena, I was so afraid I'd
be too late. I pushed my speed to its limits; a kind of speed even I
thought was impossible, speed born of fear. Sometimes, the what ifs come
to my mind, unbidden...what if I hadn't seen the slab? What if I wasn't
there? What if I had been too late? What if it fell sooner? I push these
thoughts away, shuddering inwardly, refusing to ponder on them further.

        When you were hurt by Yakumo's minion in Genkai's temple, and
when, through my jagan, I saw jarring images of you being flung against
the wall and falling into unconsciousness, I swore to myself that I
would kill him. In the confrontation that followed, Kuwabara himself was
going to attack, but there was no way I would let him take away my
chance of killing the one who had dared hurt my sister. Nothing, not
even the call of the evil eye, could stop me and my black dragon
from annihilating that bastard who was stupid enough to harm you.

        Speaking of my black dragon....you know what, Yukina? The only
thing that keeps me from feeding Kuwabara to it is that he makes you
smile; he makes you happy. If he ever breaks your heart or makes you
cry, I'll kill him. Part of the reason why I dislike him so much is
because I'm envious. Envious that he can shower you with the love I
could never show. I can only love you from afar; keeping close, quiet
watch over you, your silent guardian and unseen protector. That's all I
can do. That's all I can be.

        I wish only to be known as a friend, but every time you speak of
your brother, so sadly and longingly, your luminous eyes brimming with
emotion, I turn away in pain; knowing that I am causing that sadness,
knowing the truth but unable to reveal it. The reason why I do not dare
talk to you often, or stay in your company, or come to you when my
injuries need healing is because I'm afraid. Afraid that you might
figure it out.  Afraid that you might make sense of our similarities -
the same small frame, the same lithe, graceful, fluid movement, the same
ruby-colored eyes. Afraid that you might sense the bond that is
undoubtedly there. Afraid that if I stay too long or get too close, my
resolve might break and I might find myself telling you. I cannot allow
that to happen.

        So I must watch you from afar, love you from a distance. But I do
love you, my sister. More than you'll ever know.

        More than I could ever hope to say.

        More than I could ever possibly show.

        I am your brother, Yukina. Someday, I hope I find the courage to
let you know that.
 

~The End~