Third Culture Kids and The Handover

Diane ANDERSON Persons ‘69

Hi all of you! I must be the grandma of the coollist so far, being of the class of '69, as Diane Anderson, sister of Gary Anderson '73 and cousin of Tom, Tim, David, and Jon Addington (and possibly more Addingtons). I've never enjoyed reading e-mails as much as I have this week - am constantly leaving the computer with a smile on my face and a lightheartedness to read about all of you who share my love of HK, people and places, and yes, that smell that hits you when you get off the plane at Kai Tak (does it smell that same way at the new airport?) and tells you you're "home".

We are all third culture kids.
Here's one definition of a TCK: A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents' culture. The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK's life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to talk to someone else you discover has spent time overseas as a child? That's being a TCK. And then those of us who had the privilege of HK being part of that childhood, well, that relationship is that much more special!

There are two excellent books out about TCKs: 1. The Third Culture Kid Experience: Growing Up among Worlds, by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken,
published in 1999 by Intercultural Press, Inc., PO Box 700, Yarmouth, Maine 04096 USA (207)846-5168

2. Strangers at Home: Essays on the Effects of Living Overseas and Coming "Home" to a Strange Land,
published by Aletheia Publications, Inc.,
46 Bell Hollow Rd., Putnam Valley, NY 10579
(914)526-2873,
FAX (914)526-2905,
e-mail AlethPub@aol.com
Both books can be ordered through Aletheia.

If any of you out there have read either one, I'd love to get your reaction.

My husband helped me come up with a good answer for "Where's home?" I've learned to say, "Stateside-wise from Minnesota, but I grew up in Hong Kong." It feels very complete. Never mind that I've spent the past 22 years across the South China Sea in Bolinao, Pangasinan, Philippines. Maybe when I'm retired that will also be part of who I am. Bolinao was a great place to live, as planes flying between Manila and Hong Kong crossed the Philippine coast right above us; we could hear the planes and sometimes on a good day see them.

It's interesting that all these e-mails flying back and forth about HK momentos are coming my way now, as I'm at the beginning of our one year furlough in the US (we come every four years). I've just tossed out the last of my college notes and textbooks, but drew the line at anything from HK, which includes my 1969 HKIS yearbook, and several years of KGV Lions, diaries (mostly one liners), autograph book, lots of Chinese dishes, chopsticks, an oil painting of the HK harbour from my 15th birthday, etc. No bus signs. But No.7 KMB and the Oxford Rd. are vivid in my memory as I lived on Lancashire Rd. and had the pleasure of walking around Kowloon City and Kln. Tong March 1998 during a week's visit. (It did hurt to see almost all the "original" houses in the Oxford-Cambridge-Lancashire side of Kln. Tong torn down.)

My burning question - how did the handover affect you all? I cried for hours after getting the Newsweek reporting the event - it really felt like a death, and I assumed I was the only one who felt that way, that no one else would have such ridiculously strong emotional ties 28 years after leaving the place.
A HK TCK and glad of it, Diane Anderson '69 Persons

Judi PORTER Rower ‘75

Hi Diane,
It was good to see you in Denver a few months ago.

My whole family (sisters, their husbands, all our kids and my parents) were all together in Hawaii for the handover. My sisters and I were the only ones who got up at 3am to watch the whole ceremony, but later everyone joined us, and we had Chinese food with chopsticks.

We all cried. Even my dad was surprised at how much emotion it pulled up. I think the worst part was watching Chris Patton's teenage children say goodbye to their friends as they boarded a boat (I think it was a boat) to leave the island. That hit a little too close to home. It broke my heart.

Mark SHOSTROM ‘74

All these voices, echoing similar sentiments, is wonderful. I've gotten such a rush the past few days "riding the dragontrain."

It's clear that our memories are not a "living in the past" thing -- they're about roots (or lack of), about home (in a place where most of us weren't even born). They're about trying to hang on to something special -- however we could -- from a unique, magical place in time & history (hence the bus signs & mao badges). But most of all, they're about special, magical people -- our only true roots amidst ives of transience.

Cecilia Wang wrote me recently and said someone should write a book about people like all of us. It turns out -- there are several. As I read Mike Sullivan's message (hi Mike!), a book title caught my eye. It was a term I'd never heard before: Third Culture Kids.

I typed those words in my computer and hit search, and found myself reading, captivated for several hours... I'd become a TCK in 1970 and didn't know what one was until yesterday!

There are books, studies being done (one since the 1950s), websites, even support groups -- about this phenomena of being a TCK.

There is terminology:
ATCK (Adult Third Culture Kids -- that's us),
PTCK (you guessed it, Parents of TCKs)...
there are characteristics TCKs share which affect their adult lives, relationships...
there are conditions we share with immigrants & refugees. It's amazing.

After a little reading, I came away with a better understanding of what makes me tick -- and how so much is connected to being a TCK. I felt like this unknown door in my life suddenly opened -- and it enlightened me in a very positive way. So in good faith, I pass on a few discoveries to all of you. Let's hear what you think and what you find out.

A few web sites:
http://geocities.datacellar.net/Athens/Acropolis/8311
http://www.globalnomads.association.com/areyou.htm
http://www.tckworld.com

Some books are: "The Third Culture Kid Experience" by David Pollock & RuthVan Reken
"Hidden Immigrants: Legacies of Growing Up Abroad" by Linda Bell

Robert DORFMAN ‘72

Hi Fellow Alumni,
I've been enjoying all the correspondence going back and forth-although reading it could become a full time occupation. The volume is overwhelming!. It does, however, demonstrate the need on the part of so many of us to stay in touch or renew old contacts.

I was very involved in the organizing of the Hong Kong Reunion in May 1997 and attended the Denver Reunion in July this year. I was amazed to find that many of those in Denver had been to the HK Reunion and were eager to know when another reunion could be planned. There is a definite desire to keep the contacts alive and to re-establish friendships.

Mike Sullivan and Mark Shostrom's comments on Third Culture Kids are insightful. I attended Dave Pollack's talk at the Denver Reunion on Third Culture Kids and it was truly an eye opener. My kids, aged 14 and 12, also attended the talk and could relate to everything Dave was saying. Dave Pollack would be a great resource to talk to us at the DC Reunion in July,2000.

We should also try to get a few of the teachers to show up in DC. You can't do a real reunion with just students. You need faculty as well. Some of these people truly shaped our lives.

Earl Westrick was at the HK Reunion and he is a living legend as far as many of us are concerned.

Debbie, Judi and all those who have done so much to link us electronically-many thanks. I look forward to keeping in touch and catching up with all of you. Also, if any of you are coming to HK, please let me know. I'd love to get together.

Jonathan SLATON ‘72

Thank God there is someone else our age. I was getting to feel OLD seeing all those youngsters writng back and forth! I was very sad at the hand over. Watched it at the office via the internet.

Deborah SMITH ‘80

Hey guys, I had a mini-reunion tonight (sort of)!

When I started planning the DC reunion with Cathy, I sent a message to all the people in my class ('80 )that the Alumni Office had email addresses for, and found out that my old friend Patrick Pang (who I haven't seen since graduation 19 years ago) lives only 2 hrs away! (It's SUCH a small world...) So, Patrick emailed me back and told me he would be in town (DC) this weekend, so we had dinner tonight in Georgetown.

After spending the week reading (and reading and reading, hee hee)all the memories and feelings of the dragontrain emails, it was almost too much to actually sit across from one of my old high school buddies!

We spent the dinner reminiscing and talking about how much our time at HKIS has impacted our lives, and it felt like the 19 years just melted away.

One of the thing we were both deeply affected by was the handover. He actually met Chris Patton when he came to the States on a book tour, and they talked about THEIR shared experience of living in HK. Patrick said he thought it was interesting the former governor would have some of the same feelings about HK that he did!

As for me, I taped the handover on CNN, and when I got home, the first thing I did was watch the whole thing twice. As the British flag came down and the new HK flag went up, I cried like a baby ... both times. I think watching my the place and culture I called "home" disappear into something completely different just made me feel truly homeless. I called everyone in my family, and they all said they cried too, even my dad. I guess we all felt that we had lost something special.

I have really enjoyed reading all the emails on this list, even though I don't know most of you guys -- but I've had a LOT of the same feelings and state-side experiences since I left HK, and it's good to know I'm not the only one!

Like Ike Eichelberger, there were many times when I preferred to not mention I was from HK in order to avoid the disbelief, questions, and explanations that always followed. But, since I had lived in HK for 12 of my first 17 years, it was a little difficult to figure out where ELSE I could say I was from! Ah well! Now when people ask, I say I live in DC, but I grew up overseas. Luckily (like LA), everyone in DC is from somewhere else, so I guess I don't seem as weird to them as I did to the Nashvillian contingent! :-)

Wow! There are even MORE emails to read! So, for tonight --
Joi ging, y'all! (hee hee)

Barbara STONE Fehler '74

Judi,
As many others before me have said, THANK YOU!!!! This has been a fabulous journey...we can all thank you for a renewed connection with our "home" -each other.

As far as the takeover, I found I had to "tune out" that week and focus on what was going on in my personal life at the time - in other words, "hide" from the events - to avoid being overwhelmed by emotion. Even as I read e-mails today, I find my eyes tearing up and the words to Carol King's old song "Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to make it home again" making me grateful that we can connect electronically and at reunions, even though home is SO FAR AWAY and no longer the same place in many ways.

We are home, guys,and we do have a wealth of heritage and experience to share with each other, our children, etc.

I would encourage you to include your children if you do attend a reunion - they are able to get a better understanding of us as having been young (remember??) and having special friends even though they probably haven't had the chance to see where we grew up. Besides all of that, they can provide great entertainment!!!

Love to everyone!!

Edward KETTERER ‘75

Personally, the hand over, though significant, had little impact on me - for the following reasons:

1. Hong Kong as a place will continue to survive by virtue of the economic momentum it has accumulated over the years. The slowing down process will only occur as China its self develops - I give it another generation or two - and await how it re-invents itself with excitement - the sort of view which is liken to looking at the forest, whilst understanding what it is like to have been amoung the trees.

2. Unlike other places in the world the level, degree and rapidity of change is unique to Hong Kong - something we all witnessed in the time we all lived there. To survive the changes in China, HK will have to be at the cutting edge of new developments and in time will actually initiate new developments - the potential is fancinating.

3. Hong Kong in an of its self is a 3rd Culture result i.e. English Governance and culture for 100 years mingled with Chinese Culture or pre war (WWII) remanents - the blend of these two societies are now being challenged by a third - the new China of the 20th Century, yet again another culture which is a hybrid in its own right ie communisum/Confucius etc....

4. HK adaptabilty will make the more stayed and established areas ie US, Europe etc... look like they are standing still. Remember this is a City state and as such is again quite different to many places bar Singapore - which is another version of HK.

In closing, what I have highlighted here reflects itself to a greater or lessor degree in each one of us. The perspectives we have all developed due to having lived in HK are unmatched in some regards.

Any way, I for one still perceive myself as a part of the place, probably because of my heritage. But even with that I believe that each one of us has a bit of HK in us and it is that part which makes itself known when ever we interact with others or situations where our perspectives or actions are different from the norm of the country or region we are in.

My best to all

Cathy SMITH Caviness ‘75

Ed,
This is one of the most insightful letters I've read here so far. How self-centered of me to think that HK had not already 'changed over' since I left! I especially like the observation that HK itself is a 3rd culture. Thanks for the perspective.

Tim HARVEY ‘74

I watched the handover with very mixed emotions. There was the side that all of you expressed... The feeling that what I once had and lived had been irrevocably changed. Even the duplex that we lived in has been torn down and apartments are there now. I had never thought of the combination of Britishand Southeast Chinese culture being one of the reasons for Hong Kong having such a unique impact on its residents. More importantly, the ideological and economic freedom that was enjoyed will be missed and many will suffer as a result.

Then there was also the side that is so easily forgotten... That Hong Kong was taken as a spoil of war by the British when the British bullied the Chinese into hostilities after almost a third of the Chinese population was addicted to opium that the British brought into their country. What a horrible legacy! The U.S. participated to a small degree and then just stood by and watched when war broke out.

I could imagine some Hong Kong people happy to see the British go for that reason.

Am I happy to see HK handed over to the communists? No.
Were many HK Chinese sad to see their chance at making lots of money diminish by the takeover? Undoubtedly.
Did people leave in droves to get out before the changeover in order to escape the oppression and tyranny imposed by a brutal political machine? You betcha.
Yet in the longer view of things, I believe that a little balance has been restored to what was knocked off kilter when the British began their march for world domination. Any thoughts?

Diane ANDERSON Persons ‘69

Ed- I really liked your idea of HK being a third culture itself. And now with China adding another. Just like we "kids" who adjust/adapt/change to take in yet other cultures around us.
Thanks!

Mark SHOSTROM ‘74

As I imagined, out of five errands I had for today, I did one and spent the rest of the day with Dave's book.

I thought of many of you today while photographing people at LA's Chinatown"Millenium Moon Festival." I'm one of those lucky alumni to live near a bigAsian community. It felt like a little slice of home when an elderly Chineseman started playing a song on the erhu - and I actually knew the tune!

Lynn BARRATT Frau ‘73

With reference to Mark's comments regarding living near an Asian community -

Vancouver has a large Asian population - to the extent that in many areas you could think for a moment that you were in fact in Asian!

Do any of you find yourselves "defending" or "explaining" Asian culture, etc.? Alot of people here feel overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of immigrants and start to react negatively. I find myself constantly explaining that they're not spitting or hacking because they have no manners but because they're taught that it's healthier and it's their custom. Or when the Korean women at the golf club we belong to clap for the attention of the waiter and everyone else is tsk, tsking, I'm trying to explain that they've been raised to do that and don't know that here it's rude.

Of course, the flip side of that is - when we lived in HK and other places -did we try to fit in and mimic society manners (sorry I never did like the spitting and certainly wouldn't mimic that!) or did we come across to the native inhabitants as rude foreigners? My Asian friends whose families have been here for three or four generations don't like being mistaken for immigrants and have some pretty harsh comments about new immigrants. I've been known to remind them that they themselves are Chinese!

With the takeover of HK we've had a great influx of Asians and many families have bought homes here, left their teenage children here on their own and returned to Asia to continue working. There's alot of teens in this city with alot of money and no adult supervision. Scary!

Enough said for one night (morning),Ciao,

Cathy SMITH Caviness ‘75

Judi and others,I loved those moon cakes ... but I seem to remember that once a year was just about right.

I heard from Tara W.'75 (who still lives in HK) a couple days ago and she was going home to make lanterns with her children that evening. Brings back a lot of memories.

Speaking of memories. That Sr. Class trip to Taiwan (1975) was a real blast.But that trip and an overnight Senior trip to Macau (by slow boat) have blurred in my memory ... and I didn't 'imbibe' on either of those trips! But maybe that's why everyone disolves into laughter ... maybe no one can remember what happened and they're embarrassed.

I do remember staying up all night playing card games ... predominantly cribbage (I think) one night on the Sr.trip. I'm not sure who else went without sleep that night ... but I remember it was fun. I do have photos of that trip. Maybe I'll get them out to spur my memories. Am I getting old? What were we talking about? I think I need a nap.

Happy Moon Festival

Barbara STONE Fehler ‘74

I was one of the lucky ones to have a piece of moon cake last week - just happened to stop in at the adoption agency where I do contract work on theday of the Moon Festival. It is QUITE a taste sensation!!! By the way, this agency only places children from China - always a way to maintain a connection with our former lives!!
Love to all!

Eric ALLEN ‘76

One of the immense pleasures of living in Canada is enjoying it'smulticultural qualities. Former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau encouraged immigration PR to celebrate the distinctness of cultures within our boundaries. The US (by comparison) attempts the 'melting pot', aiming for a homogeneous culture. In either case, these paradigms seem not to have fared well.

I am often disappointed (but no longer surprised) by the fears,suspicions, anger, ignorance and intolerance shown to 'newcomers' in Canada. Indeed, despite public school 'sensitivity' curriculum and media programming, I feel that cross-cultural misunderstandings and prejudice can only continue to grow as 5th and 6th generation Canadians of both British and French descent feel their turf disappear.

I am sickened by the 'reality' of not being able to share the bounty of our Land and circumstance with others. It's easy to have 'Christian' sentiments and good will as long as we are not overcome by the poor and huddled masses ofthe rest of our planet.

Alas poor TCK's, our sense of the planet is (and you've known this for at least 25 years) mostly incommunicable. After many years abroad and after considerable travel I've met but very very few whom show any sincere interest, inquisitiveness , surprise or curiosity in what my experiences have been. I go so far as to avoid direct answers to questions about where home is.......it's alot easier just to pretend otherwise......not so easy for visible minorities.

Paradoxically, I feel more 'at home' in the wilderness of Nova Scotia where many have never even traveled to our capital city (Halfax) than I ever did in Vancouver, Toronto, Ottawa or Montreal ( I tried 'em all). At least there exists here the grand prerequisite for understanding.......curiosity.

As to Lyns question
"did we try to fit in and mimic society manners (sorry I never did like the spitting and certainly wouldn't mimic that!) or did we come across to the native inhabitants as rude foreigners?”
My close friends in HK , Dennis Wang, Gabriel Lau, Edwin Wong and others, left profound tells on my tastes, behaviors and character. Aside from the usual norms, even sort of odd physical behaviors like squatting, holding my bowls close to my mouth, my cigarettes (when I smoked) between thumb and forefinger, shuffling about when in flip-flops.

Richard GRAYSON 78

Just received from Amazon.com "The Third Culture Kid Experience" by DavidC. Pollock
- just thirteen pages into it - seems like a good read. More later.

Cecilia WANG Biggs ‘78

waiting on mine to come in from B. and Noble. Book review seems to be in order.

Cathy SMITH Caviness ‘75

Richard and HKIS friends,I'm jealous.
I just ordered the David Pollock book and another one called "Letters Never Sent" by Ruth E. Van Reken (Co-author of the first book). I think all you eager beavers out there beat me to the punch and now I'm having to wait until they get more of those books in stock. And I don't even know if impatience is a trait of all TCKs or just me!

I'll be interested in your (and other's) response to the book. Meanwhile, I'm putting away all those momentos. But I'm doing it with a smile on my face. I have a feeling that the reason the 'train' is on a slower track is that those of us who jumped right in are in the process of putting things away. Now its time for the rest of you to jump in.

I didn't really have a desire to pull out all those things until Lynn Barrett mentioned a picture of Gary Anderson and myself in the 1973 yearbook supplement. I remembered the picture but not the supplement. Sure enough, tucked into the back flap of the yearbook was the supplement. I found several pictures of people I was close to and it brought back some forgotten memories. Then I was motivated to dig into those old boxes and see what else I could find. I'll admit that not all the memories were happy ones ... but they were all worth remembering.

And now I am putting the boxes (and memories) back on a shelf. I'm not throwing them away. I just don't need them in the middle of my living room floor every day. If you haven't taken that trip down memory lane yet ... let me encourage you to do so. It's worth the time and effort.There really are some hidden treasures in there.

Oh, and tell us about it. I'm still enjoying hearing about every one else's memories.
Thanks.

Richard GRAYSON ‘78

The reason why I jumped on the book so fast is a lot of e-mails in the lastyear with my new friend Sis Biggs, and my old friend Sue Lamson. Sue and I went to school in Singapore (along with Carol Morris HKIS '77) and college together and we never talked abt what I've come to know as "TCK", but in the last year we've talked abt it a lot.

Sis has been to reunions for SAS and she tells me it comes up all the time. The feelings conveyed by all of us are the same and I always wondered what the reason was - it now makes sense to me and explains many of the things Sue and I have gone through.

My father tells me that "Greatest Generation" by Tom Brokaw explains his generation, I think I'll trade books with him when I get finished.

If you ordered it from Amazon - they told me 2 to 3 weeks - I got it in a week. Mr. Pollock is going to wonder why all of a sudden his book sales have increased so much.
Whoever recommended the book - Thank you!

Deborah SMITH 80

When the list started, I was the youngest person on it, and I wondered if I would have anything in common with all those people who lived in a different HK than I had... Now,I feel HONORED to have been included! I have learned SO much from being apart of this list -- mostly that I'm not alone in all those confused emotions and feelings that I have had since leaving HKIS and moving back to the States.

Even though my experiences in HK were a little different from most of your experiences, many of them were VERY similar. And I've enjoyed reading about the things people remember and what artifacts they have kept-- and just catching up in general. I might not have known most of you, but I've started feeling a kinship with you all the same... (hmmm sounds like aTCK cultural experience! hee hee)

AND, I've heard individually from people I haven't talked to in YEARS, too!

Ken KOO 79

Having spent 11 years at HKIS from 2nd Grade until graduation, one becomes part of the fabric of the school. It's great to know that I'm not the only one remininscing about all these yesteryears and that we all do share a common bond whether we knew each other or just saw each other passing through in the hallways.

The only thing that's too bad is why we changed our team name from Crusaders to Dragons. I managed to talk to David Rittman about this a few years ago. He said it was a popular vote by the students (and faculty ???) who thought "Crusaders " represented too-violent a page in history and thus "Dragons"was adopted. I don't know about that, Holy Cross University still uses Crusaders (don't they ?).

Brad SANDLER 75

Change is hard.
It hadn't occurred to my dense mind that this was called the dragon list for a reason. So it's now the HKIS Dragons. Very PC but, Lady Dragons? Hmmm. I wish we had had that name back in my good ol' days as I always felt odd representing marauding religous (Christian) fanatics, but at least it wasn't the HKIS Inquisitors. Plus which, Crusaders got to wear armor. We didn't, but just think of all those cod piece jokes if we had.

Melissa PRESTON Sansing 75

Perhaps Dragonettes for the girls? (I would have hated either one...the gymsuits made PE a nightmare anyway. Uniforms were hard enough on those of us with less than supermodel figures, but the gym suits... WHO picks that stuff out? Some one with a wicked sense of humor...

I always thought Island School was lucky to get to wear pants, especially while we were standing at the bus stop with winter winds whipping in off the harbour and up our little cotton blue dresses... tres chic!