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htmlized by Kourin
(which is basically just cutting and pasting and putting in the tags for the spaces and stuff,
any typos are Aaron's fault... or Chippy's)
Begin annoyingly catchy theme music, juxtaposed with clips of previous episodes, most notably the Christmas Special. The Title appears, declaring the show to be "The Escaflowne Family." The theme music dies down.
Announcer: "The Escaflowne Family" is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Scene changes to the interior of the Escaflowne Family's living room.
Audience: (cheers)
Van is escorting Folken to the door, as Hitomi sits on one of the couches.
Van: Great seeing you, bro. Come back soon!
Folken: Hey, where's Merle? I haven't seen my favorite niece yet!
Van: You mean your only niece.
Audience: (laughs)
Hitomi: She went out to play a couple of hours ago...
Folken: Darn, I had a present for her...
Van: It's not "enhanced fortune" again, is it?
Folken: Uh... Good-bye!
Folken rushes out the door.
Audience: (laughs)
Hitomi: I'm glad to see you two getting along.
Van: Yeah, well, what's one country between brothers?
Audience: (laughs)
Dilandau enters.
Audience: (cheers)
Van: Uh, oh. It's our crazy neighbor, Dilandau.
Hitomi: Dilandau, have you seen Merle?
Dilandau (eyes unfocused): Why... no.
Dilandau pulls a familiar cat's tail from his pocket and mops his brow with it.
Audience: (laughs)
Hitomi: Oh... where could she be?
Van: So, Dilandau, up to one of your zany schemes again, I suppose?
Dilandau (smiling in that wacky way he does): Yes... I thought I would kill you today. My scar aches for your blood.
Audience: Uh, oh!
Van: Yeah, whatever.
Audience: (laughs)
Mole Man enters.
Audience, Van and Hitomi: Mole Man!
Mole Man: Hello, all!
Dilandau stabs Mole Man in the stomach, with his sword. Mole Man crumples to the ground, dead.
Audience: (laughs)
Van: Dilandau!
Audience: Uh, oh. (laughs)
Hitomi: Ah! Van, clean up this mess!
Van: Why me?
Hitomi: He's your friend!
Van: I thought he was your friend!
Audience: (laughs)
Dilandau laughs, then looks inexplicably horrified and curls up into a little ball.
Hitomi: We have to clean this blood before Allen gets here!
Van: Allen?! You invited that slime ball over here?!
Hitomi: I don't see why you dislike him so much.
Van: He's always hitting on you!
Hitomi: Oh, you're just imagining things!
Allen enters.
Audience: (cheers)
Allen: Hey, baby! Why don't you ditch this loser and run off to Vegas with me?
Audience: Wooooooooooooo!
Hitomi: Oh, Allen, you're _such_ a card!
Van: Yeah, with the number of a cheap motel printed on it.
Audience: (laughs)
Dilandau gets up and stares blankly at Van. Then Allen saunters over to Hitomi, and holds her arms, thus blocking Dilandau's view of Van.
Allen: I'm serious, baby. We were meant for each other...
Hitomi: Oh, Allen, I...
Dilandau: You're always getting in the way! Allen Shizard!
Dilandau runs Allen through, the tip of his blade penetrating through Allen's unguarded back and poking out the top of his chest. Naturally, Allen dies.
Hitomi: Allen! No!
Van: Let me pour you a drink, Dilandau.
Audience: (laughs)
Hitomi: Oh, Allen! Allen! Dilandau, how _could_ you?!
Van (smiling): It looked pretty easy to me. (Motions sword thrusting, with his hand) Just like that, right?
Audience: (laughs)
Dilandau: Just... like...
Dilandau screams and cuts Van's head off. He grins slightly, then clutches his face in his hands.
Hitomi: Ah! Dilandau, now you've gone too far!
Dilandau picks his head up, revealing his transformation into Serena.
Serena: Wasn't me!
Audience: (laughs)
Hitomi: Oh, what a horrible day! I just know something even worse is going to happen!
Serena: Yeah? Like what?
Hitomi: Like... a plane's going to crash on us!
Hitomi's pendant glows, and a jetliner immediately crashes through the ceiling. Almost everyone is instantly crushed, but some of the audience survives, futilely trying to dislodge themselves of the oppressive weight of the massive machine. Cries of, "My legs! I can't feel my legs!!" and, "No! Grandma! Noooo!" can be heard amongst the general screaming. In a particularly
gruesome scene, a woman holds the severed head of her baby, and cries. Not even attempting to free her torso from underneath a wing engine. Executive Producer Dornkirk enters the studio.
Dornkirk (chomping on a cigar): Hey, that's fate! G'night folks!
The ending theme song is struck up. Credits are rolled over scenes of Zaibach soldiers putting the survivors out of their misery.
I wrote this at Four A.M., on a bunch of post-its, and you can really tell. Basically, my writing is funny, in the same way that watching a dog getting run over is funny. A cute little puppy, with a collar, that has a locket attached to it. And in the locket is a picture of a very cute little girl, who has inscribed the words "My Best Friend, Benji" on the outside of it. Hell,
I'm doubling over already.
Anyhow, send all your comment and/or insults to dilandau2@hotmail.com. Then, I will pretend I can read, and look at them intently. Then, Chippy will tell me that I'm illiterate, and that I'm just faking it and I'll have to hurt him.
Bad.
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