The REDUCED Tragedy of 'Ranma-thello',
   The Wild Horse of Nerima,
   (being joined together with certain
   OUTER SENSHI in Holy Matrimony.)

being a challenge spamfic by HKMiller
  Sent: Friday, May 17, 2002 6:46 PM;
    minor revisions Saturday May 18


"Then must you speak
Of one that loved not wisely but too well"
          - Shakespeare, Othello, Act V Scene II


ACT I Scene I:  A street in Tokyo

SAILOR MOON:
   What profane wretch art thou?

KUNO:
    I am one, Madam, that comes to tell you your senshi
    and the Horse are now making the beast with five backs.

MOON:  Thou art a villain.

(He IS.)


ACT II Scene I:  Another street, later

TUXEDO MASK:
    But, I pray you, sir,
    Are you fast married?  Be assured of this, 
    That Sailor Moon is much beloved,
    And hath in her effect a voice potential
    As double mine, or anyone's:  she will be-wail you.

RANMA:
    For know, Tux-boy,
    But that I love the gentle Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru,
        and Setsuna,
    I would not my unhoused free condition
    Put into circumscription and confine
    For the sea's worth.  But, look!
    What is the news?

[Enter Sailor Mercury.]

MERCURY:
    The Inner Senshi do greet you, Ranma,
    And they require your haste-post-haste appearance,
    Even on the instant.

RANMA:
    What is the matter, think you?

MERCURY:
    It is a business of some heat.

(It IS.)


ACT II Scene II:  A chamber at Hikawa Shrine

MOON:
    O thou stud Horse, where has thou stow'd my senshi?

MARS:
    Judge me the world, if 'tis not gross in sense
    That thou hast practised on them with foul charms;
    'Tis probable and palpable to thinking.
    I therefore apprehend and do attach thee
    For an abuser of the world, a practiser
    Of arts inhibited and out of warrant.

VENUS:
    Mine's not an idle cause;
    Any of my sisters of the senshi,
    Cannot but feel this wrong as 'twere their own:
    By what art were they chosen and not we ourselves?

JUPITER:
    He doth remind me, that in Nerima once
    Where a gentle but o'er-tall maiden was
    Underclassman to this same Horse,
    He took by the cheeks that selfsame maiden
    And kissed her, thus.

[JUPTER swoons.]

RANMA:
    Most potent and magnificent Moon,
    That I have ta'en away your Senshi,
    It is most true; true, I have married them.
    Rude am I in my speech,
    And little bless'd with the soft phrase of peace,
    And little of this great world can I speak,
    More than pertains to feats of broil and battle.
    Yet, by your gracious patience,
    I will a round unvarnish'd tale deliver
    Of my whole course of love, what drugs, what charms,
    What conjuration and what mighty magic,
    For such proceeding I am charged withal,
    I won your senshi.

MOON/VENUS/MARS/JUPITER (aside):  Ooooh!  I'm all ears!

RANMA:  Shampoo loved me; oft invited me;
    And with some mixtures powerful o'er the blood,
    Or with some dram conjured to this effect,
    She wrought upon me.  By indirect and forced course
    Sought she to subdue and poison my affections.
    Once upon a pliant hour, she found good means
    Whereof by parcels she had sometime prepar'd,
    But in that very hour, with haste dispatch,
    Summon'd was I to another district,
    To fight the monsters that pure hearts do eat,
    The Anthropophagi and women whose heads
    Do grow beneath their shoulders.

    The battle done, did I share out these parcels;
    Setsuna prayed me speak of some distressful strokes
    That my youth suffer'd.  My story being done,
    The four gave me for my pains a world of sighs;
    They loved me for the dangers I had pass'd.
    After which, the witchcraft took effect.
    A night being passed, we five found ourselves,
    By ancient prophecy bound, five become one,
    Inviolate.

[Enter SETSUNA, HOTARU, HARUKA, and MICHIRU]

MOON:  Come hither, gentle senshi:
    Do you perceive in all this noble company
    Where most you owe obedience?

SETSUNA:  Our noble Princess,
    We do perceive here a divided duty:

HARUKA:
    To you we are bound beyond life, to fight;
    We are hitherto your senshi; but here's our husband,

MICHIRU:
    And so much duty as you show to Mamoru,
    Preferring him before your father,

HOTARU:
    So much we challenge that we may profess
    Due to this... Stallion our lord.

[Hotaru BLUSHES.]


ACT III Scene IV:  A Tavern of Chinese Aspect

AKANE:
    Do you know, Shampoo, where Ranma lies?

SHAMPOO:
    I know not where he lodges.

UKYOU:
    Can you inquire him out, and be edified by report?

SHAMPOO:
    I will catechise the world for him;
    That is, make questions, and by them answer.

AKANE:
    Seek him, bid him come hither, by the love
    I bear him.  Tell him... I hope all will be well.

[She DOESN'T, because she doesn't FIND him.]


ACT IV Scene I:  The Hikawa Shrine

MOON:
    Will you think so?

MARS:
    Think so, Usagi!

MOON:
    What, to kiss him in private?

VENUS:
    An unauthorized kiss.  A sweet kiss.

MOON:
    Or to be naked with him in bed
    An hour or more, not meaning any harm?

VENUS:
    Naked in bed and not mean harm!
    It is hypocrisy against the Goddess of Love!

MERCURY:
    But if we lose our virtue--

MARS:
    What then?

JUPITER:
    'Tis ours, and, being ours,
    We may, I think, bestow't on any man.

[They PLOT.]


ACT V Scene II:  A bed-chamber

RANMA:  Yet I'll not shed their blood,
    Nor scar that whiter skin of theirs than snow,
    And smooth as monumental alabaster.
    Yet they must die the little death,
    else they'll complain most grievously.
    If I quench thee, mine flaming ardor,
    I must again my former might restore,
    Till I have pluck'd these roses.

[Kisses S/H/H/M.  They wake.]

S/H/H/M:
    Who's there?  Ranma?  Will you come to bed?

(He DOES.)

- - - - - - - - - -

For the curious, I estimate over 90% of this
is taken directly from 'Othello', usually
the credited scene.  I've changed pronouns;
I've moved a few sentences from their
oiginal location, but I've outright added
very few lines.