The silence was absolute.

Twelve people sat around a long table, plates set before them. And yet they did not touch their food.

Instead they stared at the man who sat at the head of the table, his head down and his hands clasped as if in prayer.

Anticipation hung in the air as the man raised his head.

"So how come no one's eating?" Rand al'Thor, the Dragon Reborn, the Car'a'carn, the Coramoor, the rider on the storm, master of the lightnings, wearer of a crown of swords, spinner-out of fate, and holder of many more titles (most which are unfit for polite conversation), asked his companions.

Mat grinned and reached for a piece of bread.

"It would be impolite to eat before you," Tylin explained.

Mat looked confused, then shrugged and started to dip his bread into the sauce.

Mazrim Taim reached for a piece of bread.

Nynaeve tugged her braid, then stopped abruptly when she realized what she was doing.

"What?" Rand asked, reaching for a piece of bread.

Taim growled at Mat, who was taking his time dipping his bread.

"She means that since you're at the head of the table," Elayne clarified, "you should be the one who gives the signal for us to start."

Birgitte snorted. "Table manners," she muttered, looking amused, "that's something Robert Jordan never really explained in detail. I mean, if he can take the time to describe just how lovely Elayne looks in her blue silk dress, or how well the opals that Nynaeve is wearing enhance her looks, how come he can't give us a discourse on how to eat properly? Like, which piece of bread is mine, anyway? The right one or the left one? Or should I eat them both?"

Everyone looked blankly at her.

Mat started making circles in the sauce with his bread.

Taim glared at Mat and jammed his bread into the sauce bowl.

Rand dipped his bread in the bowl. (Incidentally, this bowl is about the size of the Bowl of the Winds.)

Elaida spoke. "He who is our doom and our salvation shall be betrayed by the one who dips his bread in the bowl. This I Foretell."

Rand looked at Mat.

Mat looked at Taim.

Taim looked at Rand.

Everyone else looked at Elaida.

After a moment, Faile asked the question that had been preying on everyone's minds, namely, "Who the heck invited her?"

Loooong pause.

"The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills," Nynaeve replied finally.

Aviendha nodded fatalistically and took a piece of bread.

"Speaking of which, is there anything else to eat besides bread?" Min asked.

"Lardo," Faile muttered.

Min twitched and had lovely visions of Faile falling off a high cliff and getting impaled on the very, very sharp rocks below.

Perrin smelled lots of scents, filtered them out, and smelled his wife instead. He's so exciting, isn't he?

Nynaeve rapped her fist on the tabletop. "I think we're going afield here. The real question is, who's going to betray Rand? Mat, who I can see jumping into bed with any one of Rand's love interests…"

"I wouldn't touch Aviendha! Or Elayne," Mat interrupted quickly.

Aviendha whapped him with a rawhide buckler, while Min used her wicked kick-ass boots to pummel him. Elayne just sniffed.

"…or could it be Taim, who we don't really know a lot about, except so many hints about him being Demandred are dropped that we could swim in them," Nynaeve continued, "or is Rand going to betray himself with the aid of his stunning intellectual capacity, which at best is the equivalent of seaweed?"

Elayne, Aviendha, and Min glared at her.

"Rand is not" Elayne began frostily.

"You have no honor..." Aviendha said angrily, earning her a look from Lan. Just a look, mind you, nothing else.

"You're one to talk!" Min sputtered.

Tylin's hands started doing interesting things around interesting parts of Mat's anatomy. Mat froze.

Rand put his bread down on his plate and leaned forward. "What do you mean, Elaida?" he asked in a hard voice.

"Wait!" Faile snarled. "No one answered my question yet! Who invited her?"

Lan looked slowly around the table. "We're all main characters here," he observed.

Birgitte looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I noticed. Is Elaida a main character?"

Perrin perked up. He was still a main character? The reader surveys had been so discouraging… He happily went back to smelling his wife.

Nynaeve tossed her head. "I'm certainly a main character."

Elaida sneered at her. "That's only because you slept with..."

***balefire***

"...Well, I guess we don't need to discuss all this, now do we?" Tylin asked brightly. Her hands continued moving.

Mat bit off a yelp. Frantically, he grabbed his bread and bit into it.

"Tylin's not a main character," Rand declared.

"Ooooh, Rand, you're so assertive," Min simpered, making googly eyes at him. Rand puffed up like a blowfish.

"I am the storm," he said proudly. Min swooned.

"It's hard!" Mat yelled suddenly.

"Of course it is, darling," Tylin purred. "It's the right size, too. Not too big, not too small…"

"No, I mean the bread," Mat explained, blushing madly. "Who made this?"

Taim blinked and bit into his. A chipped tooth fell on the table.

Everyone stared in horror at the bread.

Nynaeve, who'd been locked in a lovey-dovey gaze with her hubby, snapped to attention. "What's going on?" she asked.

"The bread is hard," Elayne explained.

"That's not all that's hard," Tylin added.

Birgitte tossed Perrin one. "Here, wolf boy, check it out."

Faile glared at her. "You brazen hussy!" she fumed.

The female Warder grinned insolently at the sa'sara girl. "Wanna take it outside? Ten gold marks say I could turn you into a living pincushion before you can even draw your dinky daggers!"

"That does it!" Faile growled, tossing aside her napkin and standing up. "I'll see you outside!"

Birgitte grinned more widely, placed her napkin delicately on her chair, as etiquette dictated, and hurried out.

"Oh, bother," Elayne groaned softly. "Excuse me," she said politely, and went after the two, after following of course the all-important rules of table etiquette.

Aviendha followed her, explaining that she had a duty to her near-sister.

Perrin looked about to follow, but Nynaeve glared at him. "Smell the damned cread," she ordered.

Shrugging, Perrin sniffed the bread…

...and fainted.

"I never knew Perrin was such a..." Rand began, looking at his friend in concern.

"...wimp? Wuss?" Mat offered.

Taim cradled his jaw and wondered if it would be worth it to ask Semirhage to Heal it.

"No, no, no." Rand shook his head. "I meant, I never knew he had such a delicate constitution."

"The bread must be really awful to cause something that big to fall," Min said, eyeing the bread warily.

"I can make big things stay big," Tylin breathed.

Mat squirmed.

Nynaeve shook her head. "But I followed the recipe exactly!"

Everyone stared at her.

"Nynaeve..." Min said slowly, "...you made this bread?"

Nynaeve beamed. "Lan helped. He looks cute in an apron."

"Most guys do," Min said. "Have I told you about the time Rand tried to cook for me? He..."

As the women started gabbing, Taim worked his jaw. "Interesting... food... we had. I am to thank you," he indicated Nynaeve, "for this unforgettable meal?"

Nynaeve was too busy yakking about how Lan mistook the furnace for the oven to reply.

Lan nodded; he looked ready to crawl under the table and hide.

Taim nodded back. "I see." Now I know who to give to Semirhage as fodder, he thought.

A burst of smoke snapped the men's head to one side of the room. Out of the concealing cloud of gas and carbon stepped... Moiraine Damodred.

"Moiraine?" Rand and Mat asked simultaneously.

"It was mentioned, yes," the Aes Sedai replied dryly. "But now that I am here..."

"I thought you were dead! How come Lan isn't reacting to your presence?" Rand asked.

"Only you two can see me," she said.

"I can see you just fine," Taim murmured, waving a hand indolently.

"Okay, the three of you can see me," Moiraine corrected herself, looking annoyed. "But as I was saying, danger lurks."

"From where?" Mat asked.

Rand laughed mirthlessly. "I do have a lot of enemies, Mat." He turned back to Moiraine. "So who is it this time? The Seanchan? The Forsaken? The Shaido? Elayne's mother? Min's aunts? The Domani Gay Club?"

"It is best to be wary around those who surround you," Moiraine answered.

Taim half-smiled. "Translation: one of your guesses is correct, but I won't confirm it for fear that I won't look cool and mysterious."

Moiraine glared at him. "I've warned you already, Rand..."

"Yeah, and you were sooo specific, too," Mat said sarcastically.

Rand frowned at her. "I would've thought that being dead would've made you a lot more open."

"I'm not dead," came the irritated reply.

"Then what are you, besides short?" Mat wisecracked.

"I shouldn't tell you this," Moiraine sidled closer to Rand, "but I'm actually believed to be held captive in the Tower of Ghenjei or whatever (I can't pronounce it properly)."

"Are you?" Taim asked.

"It may be so," Moiraine murmured.

"Translation: It's true! It's true! So get your asses over there and help me out, eggheads!" Mat snickered.

Moiraine couldn't take it anymore, so she vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Great. Just great." Rand ran his hands through his hair. "A danger? What could she mean?"

Mat suddenly fell over, clutching his stomach. After a second, Taim did the same.

Rand blinked.

The gears in his mind started grinding sloooowly. The creaks and groans of these long-unused things could be heard a mile away.

"I see now," Rand said to himself, after a longish time. "The Shaido, Seanchan, and the Forsaken I can handle, but Nynaeve's cooking is too much for any man."

Nynaeve spoke right behind his shoulder. "What did you say?" she asked ominously.

"I said Lan is a very lucky man," Rand replied quickly.

Nynaeve sniffed. "Good. You noticed." She looked around the almost-empty room. "Come, Lan," she waved a peremptory hand, "this party's over."

Lan stood obediently and followed her out.

Rand channeled and lifted Mat and Taim. As an afterthought, he picked up Perrin, too. "Min," he requested, "please have the Wise Ones ready to help these three."

Min nodded and ran out of the room.

Tylin grinned and embraced the True Power, wrapping Mat in flows of Air.

"I thought you couldn't channel!" Mat cried.

"I sold my soul to the Dark One to get to you!" Tylin cackled. She opened a gateway and jumped into it, with her victim in tow.

Rand scratched his head. "I wondered why there were tiny horns growing on her head. Mat sure can pick 'em. Still," he mused as he slowly walked out of the room, "having the ability to channel is fun, especially if you're creative...I can't wait to see what Elayne will come up with…"

And once more, the silence was absolute.

End.