Confused Heart by Marj Notes: aishiteru - I love you baka - stupid / idiot daijoubu - are you okay? / I'm okay domo arigato gozaimasu - thank you very much gomen nasai - I'm sorry hai/ee - yes honto - really iie - no ittai - ouch kami-sama - god konnichiwa - hi / good afternoon okaa-san - mother onegai - please otou-san - father sayonara - good-bye Please e-mail your comments and constructive criticisms at . Thanks! Disclaimers: The characters of Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon were created by Naoko Takeuchi-san, its copyright owned by Toei Animation, Kodansha, Nakayoshi, Sterling Animation Inc., and many other companies scattered throughout the world. Meaning, I cannot claim the characters as my own, and am mearly borrowing them. The characters Andy Spencer and Ayukawa Himeru are mine though. So please don't sue, as I don't earn anything from this other than the satisfaction of making a story. Chapter Fourteen: Disastrous Ending That Friday, Usagi got home right after school since Ami had decided that they needed a short break. The other girls were relieved since they had been studying non-stop for the past few weeks - with the exception of Minako, of course. Usagi thought as she happily jumped and fell down on her bed, her arms spread out wide. Luna and Artemis were sitting on her bed, so when she fell, they bounced slightly up into the air. Luna landed safely back, but as for a cat like Artemis - who seemed to have all the bad luck in the world - he slid over the edge and fell on the carpeted floor, creating a small *thud*. "Ittai!!!" he exclaimed. Usagi and Luna peeked at the edge of the bed to see Artemis standing up on his four feet. "Whoops! Gomen nasai, Artemis!" Usagi apologized as she and Luna giggled. Artemis said nothing. He glared at them instead. Usagi pouted. "Boy, are you touchy this week. What's with you?" Luna shook her head. "Don't try finding out. All he'll tell you is that he hasn't been getting sleep." "Which is true, in case you'd like to know," Artemis said, leaping back up on the bed. "You think I'm crazy enough to believe you? You've been using the same excuse for five days. You should have gotten some sleep by now," Luna reasoned. "Think what you want. But I tell you, I'm not lying." Usagi turned over her back. "Recap me on this one. Why did Mina-chan leave you with me today?" she asked. "You weren't listening?" Luna gave her a hopeless look. "She said she had to go some place where animals were not allowed." "Hmm . . . maybe she went out on a date. She didn't include Artemis because she knows he might wreck havoc in the kitchen and they'd get thrown out!" Usagi and Luna giggled again. Artemis thought. Usagi's memories returned to what had happened late Monday afternoon, when Minako had left the shrine. "I wonder why Mina-chan left so early that day?" she mumbled. She and the other girls had already informed Luna and Artemis about what had happened. "It's not like it's the first time they’ve fought over a guy." "The last time Minako tried to steal a cute guy away from Makoto, Makoto got so angry at her, she said she didn't want to be friends with her anymore. Remember that?" Luna reminded Usagi. "Maybe Minako has learned something valuable from that experience and does not want that to happen anymore." "Besides, there is truth to Mina-chan's excuse about her mother wanting her to come home early for the next few weeks. I won't let her forget about what her mother said either. Not after learning that the doctor told her she still had a chance to have a relapse," Artemis said, shuddering at the thought of his charge getting that sick again, or maybe even worse. "I don't approve of her going out on her own today, either, but she insisted and said it was something important." "She couldn't leave Artemis home today since she's supposed to keep him as far away from her mother as possible," Luna informed Usagi. "That is, when she's not home, I'm not supposed to be home." Artemis sighed. "To prevent me from "wandering" over to her parent's room, or wherever her mother is." Usagi pouted. "Why's that?" "Well, animals have always had the reputation of carrying diseases. They can't risk it with Minako's mother. After all, this will probably be her last baby," Luna answered. Artemis held his chin up in pride. "But I'm *not* a regular animal." "Maybe you're not, but to them you are. Besides, are you really *sure* you're a Lunar cat?" Luna teased. The white cat ignored her. Somewhere on the first floor of the Tsukino residence, the phone rang. Tsukino Ikuko answered it. Minutes later, she could be heard shouting her daughter's name. "Usagi! Telephone!" Usagi bolted up from her bed and ran out of her room. "I'm coming!!" she called out. She stopped breathlessly beside her mother, who handed her the receiver. "Who is it?" she asked. Ikuko's eyes twinkled. "I don't know. But it has the voice of a young man . . ." Usagi didn't bother waiting for her mother to finish. "Moshi-moshi?" "Moshi-moshi. Usako?" Mamoru said from the other line. Usagi looked pleadingly at her mother. Ikuko raised her eyebrows. "If you want some privacy, take the wireless, dear. I'm not done cleaning here. Don't worry - I'll tell Shingo you're talking to someone if he tries to call." "Oh, okay." Usagi turned back to the receiver. "Mamo-chan? Hold on a sec - I'll just get the wireless -" "No, no, don't bother. I'm using a pay phone in school." "You're *still* in school?!" Usagi gaped. Mamoru chuckled. "Yes, I'm still in school. Just thought I'd tell you that I'm going to be very busy for the next few weeks because I really missed out on a lot of subjects." "That's okay, Mamo-chan. Minako's going through the same thing." "Yeah, well, Minako didn't miss out on a few *months* of lectures, did she?" Usagi laughed. "That's true." "Anyway, before I completely devote myself to my studies, what say I take you out tomorrow night? Just the two of us." Usagi leaned on the wall, sighing happily. "Sure, Mamo-chan! I'd love to! Of course, you already knew that." "Always. I have to go now - my next class is just a few minutes from now. I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay? Usual time - say around six." "I'll remember that. Six o' clock," Usagi repeated, making sure she wouldn't forget it. "Will your otou-san be around again?" She giggled. "Of course he will be! Did you miss his long threat speech?" Mamoru laughed with her. "Sort of. I think I still remember it . . ." "Good. You can recite it with him tomorrow." "Are you sure he hasn't got that recorded somewhere so that he can play it and just lip-synch to it when he gives it? Whoops . . ." Usagi could hear a bell ring in the background. "There goes the warning bell," Mamoru informed her. "No, I don't think he's got it recorded. If he does, he's using different pitches and tones." "You're right. Uhh . . ." Mamoru looked at his watch. "Usako, I really have to go to my class now . . ." "Oh, okay. I'll see you tomorrow then. Take good care of yourself!" Mamoru smiled. "Don't worry - the teachers won't bite." "Aishiteru!" "Aishiteru. Sayonara!" Usagi returned the receiver to its cradle. She turned around and saw Shingo standing near the stairs with his arms crossed, smirking at her. "Take care, Mamo-chan! Aishiteru!" Shingo said, his hands clasped together, his eyelids fluttering, and his voice in a terrible imitation of Usagi. Then he started laughing. Smoke started to come out of Usagi's ears as she glared at her laughing brother. "Baka!! That was a private conversation! How dare you eavesdrop on me?!?" "I did not eavesdrop! I just happened to be passing by!!" "It's the same thing! Besides, don't you do the same thing when you speak with Mika-chan? Hmm?" Usagi teased. Shingo blushed before answering. "At least we don't go all lovey-dovey when we talk to each other! The way you and your boyfriend talk could make people sick!!" "Ooooooohh!!!! Hey, come back here!!" Usagi shouted as she chased Shingo around the living room. Ikuko heard the commotion from the dining room and walked towards the living room. "What are you two doing?! I just cleaned this place a few seconds ago!!" she exclaimed as she saw her daughter and her son running around the room. Just then, Artemis and Luna came bounding down the stairs. "Now what?" Artemis asked in hushed tones so that Ikuko and Shingo wouldn't hear them. They watched as Ikuko scolded her children while Usagi complained about her brother. Luna shrugged. "Typical sibling rivalry. You don't see much of this, do you?" Artemis shook his head. "No. But I will be, a few years from now." "How does Minako-chan feel about the new baby anyway?" "Excited, I guess. She told me that maybe her okaa-san would stop barking once the baby's born. Aino-san has become even crankier now that she's pregnant." Luna giggled. Her companion continued. "She's been on Minako's case ever since she was small. She wanted a perfect daughter because she thought Mina-chan would be her only child." Luna thought about the rambunctious, energetic and somewhat tomboyish Minako. "I don't think she lived up to her okaa-san's expectations." Artemis smiled. "No, not really. But Aino-san never stopped trying. That's why she keeps shouting at her. Deep inside, though, she really cares." Both cats started climbing the stairs again. "To tell you the truth, I think Minako's parents love her just the way she is." He paused, watching Luna as she continued to ascend the stairs, a wistful look on his face. ***** At exactly six P.M. the following day, Mamoru arrived at the Tsukino's residence. However - which was no longer surprising to him after years of dating - Usagi was still not ready to go out yet. So Mamoru ended up in the living room, being served tea by Ikuko, while Usagi's father was constantly peeking at him from behind a piece of newspaper dated three days ago. Thirty minutes later - or possibly more - Usagi's footsteps could be heard descending the stairs. "Hi, Mamo-chan! Sorry I'm late!" she said, pausing at the last step. Mamoru stood up and went to her. "You're *always* late, Usako. And you're *always* forgiven. Don't worry about it," he said softly. Ikuko passed by the living room to collect the teacups that were on the table. "Going some place fancy today?" she asked. Kenji was tightly clutching the newspaper. "I certainly hope it's not some place far," he said with a hint of warning in his voice. Mamoru shook his head and placed his hands behind his back, knowing better not to hold hands with Usagi in front of her dad. "We won't be leaving Juuban, so you don't have to worry, sir," he said. "Did you bring your motorcycle?" "Iie, sir. I brought my car." Kenji nodded. He then started to deliver his long speech. "Otou-san! We're not even by the door yet! Besides, don't you think Mamo-chan has already memorized everything you're saying?" His daughter whined. "I'm not done yet." He said before continuing to talk for a few more seconds before letting them go. Something was new in his speech, though. While Mamoru was driving, he asked, ""If I see her come home looking so depressed again, I'm going to make sure that you'll be sorry"? What's that all about?" Usagi blinked. She hadn't caught that from what her father had said. She would have to pay more attention next time. "Well . . . you see . . . I was so depressed when you were gone that he probably got pretty annoyed," she answered. Mamoru laughed a little. "I'm surprised your otou-san wasn't happy that he had two months' vacation of not seeing me and that you weren't going out on dates." Usagi shoved him playfully, trying to hide the growing guilt inside her. "Hey, I do go out, you know!" "With your friends. At least they don't have to hear the same speech I do." "Ahh, here we are!" Mamoru eased his car into a vacant parking space. "It's been so long since we were last here, hasn't it?" he asked, turning to his girlfriend with a smile on his face. Usagi gulped and weakly smiled back. "Yeah . . ." She looked uneasily at the name of the restaurant, which was flashing on a sign in the distance. It was the same place where she and Andy had eaten dinner two weeks past. Usagi thought as Mamoru helped her out of his car. The young couple walked hand in hand towards the door, where they waited so that the attendant could seat them. The waiter bowed politely and led them to a somewhat secluded corner of the restaurant. Usagi thought as she sat in the same seat in front of the same table where she and Andy had been before. She was starting to get nervous. She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. "Usako, daijoubu? You seem so tense . . ." Mamoru said worriedly from behind her. Usagi feigned surprise. "Honto? But I'm fine, honest. Just . . . just reminiscing." Mamoru nodded slowly. "Oh. Okay." He went to his seat, held her hands and looked deep into her blue eyes. "If there's anything you want to tell me -" "Nothing. Nothing." A waitress clad in a white dress and a red apron approached their table, order slip in hand. "What would you like?" she asked. While Mamoru was giving their order, Usagi was quietly wringing her hands as she stared at the floor. she wondered. Mamoru watched Usagi carefully after he had given their orders. He knew that something was bothering her. He could feel it. Only, he didn't know what it was. "Usako, I can tell something is wrong. Please tell me. I can help," Mamoru said gently. Usagi looked at him hesitantly. "Onegai? I want this night to be happy for the two of us before I start focusing on my studies." His girlfriend closed her eyes. Mamoru clasped her hands. Usagi felt warm tears rising to the corners of her eyes. She looked at him, focusing on nothing but his handsome face. "Mamo-chan . . . I . . . I . . . " her conscience screamed. "Just take it slow, Usako. It will come out," Mamoru advised softly. Usagi started breathing deep to calm herself. "Remember Spencer Andy?" she asked. "The guy I introduced you to last Saturday?" Her boyfriend nodded. "What about Andy?" "Well . . . I did tell you that he was courting me then, right?" Mamoru nodded again. Usagi looked away and played with her hands again. "I told him about us, but he went on showering me with poems and flowers anyway." "Okay . . ." Mamoru said slowly. "Yet . . . I still don't see your point." "It's like this." Usagi cleared her throat. It was starting to squeak. "The weekend before you came back. You know . . . a few days after we fought? Well . . . I was so vulnerable and upset back then that when . . . when Andy asked for a date . . . I . . ." "You went out with him." "Hai." "Oh." Mamoru paused for a few moments. "Is there anything else you want to say?" "Hmm." "What else?" he asked quietly. "Uhh . . ." Usagi stared at Mamoru's face, Mamoru's eyes, wanting to see if they were as accusing as she had imagined them to be two weeks ago. But the eyes were so deep, so blank, that she couldn't read them. "While we were talking at Juuban Park, we . . . uhh . . ." Her boyfriend squeezed her hands, encouraging her to go on. "We kissed." The hands holding Usagi's went slack, and for a moment a look of disappointment crossed Mamoru's face. But it was quickly replaced by a well-controlled, patient look. Usagi held on to his hands. "Gomen!! I didn't mean it! I didn't want it to happen!" she cried. " . . . It's okay . . ." "I didn't tell you earlier because I knew that you were going to be so disappointed in me! You trusted me, and I broke your trust! I just couldn't say it . . ." Mamoru held her shoulder and gave her a small smile. "Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay . . ." Usagi shook her head sadly. "No, it's not. It's not." "Yes, it is . . ." "IIE!! You act like nothing happened at all! I'm not blind, Mamoru! I saw that look of disappointment on your face! Don't give me that smile - I'd know if you were smiling for real!" Usagi shouted angrily, standing up from her chair. "All you say is "It's okay! It's okay!" when the fact is, deep down, you're really upset!! Why don't you admit it?! Are you trying to make me feel more guilty than I already am??!" Mamoru looked up at her from his chair. "If I told you that I was disappointed, then you would also be upset! Isn't that right, Usagi?" he asked, his temper slowly rising. "I'm trying to hide my feelings - I'm trying to make a sacrifice so that you will be happy, like I always want you to be. But it seems like you'll get upset either way! What else do you want me to say?!" "I'd rather get hurt than hear a lie! I'd rather suffer the consequences of my own actions than to have them passed on to someone I love while I go about happy! So tell me the truth!" Usagi demanded, oblivious to the fact that everybody in the restaurant was staring at them, watching the scene unfold. "Tell me everything that you really feel, deep down in your heart!" "I'm *mad*" Mamoru shouted, angrily standing up from his chair as well. "I'm *angry*! What I feel right now is more than those two words could ever mean to anybody! I don't give a d*mn about that date! But do you know what it feels like to find out that the one you love - the one for whom you would sacrifice anything just so you could be together - went out with somebody just a few days after you had a fight about the same person? Do you know what it feels like when you give yourself to someone expecting her to be at your side, and yet she breaks your trust and lets you fall? It hurts! It hurts right here!" He crumpled his right fist and hit the spot just above his heart. "Are you miserable now that you know what I really feel? Are you satisfied now? HUH?" "EE!! DOMO ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!!" Usagi practically screamed before looking away and slumping in her chair. Mamoru stared at her for a long time, sweat pouring down his face. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he still hurt her feelings. That was all he ever did - hurt her feelings. Since Beryl, all the way to Galaxia and the present. When will it end? he thought miserably as he slowly sat down, disappointment completely visible on his face. Usagi felt like crying. But she did not. She just stared, stone cold, at the floor, going silently through the double pain that she felt for failing Mamoru and for failing his trust. she thought as she contemplated what Mamoru had just revealed to her. He had sacrificed so much . . . and yet what was she doing? She always made things difficult for the two of them. "I think . . . I think we need a break . . ." Mamoru said, his voice no louder than a whisper. Still, Usagi heard. Her heart broke into millions of pieces, with nobody around to pick them up. Still . . . "You're right . . ." she said almost as quietly. She deserved this. She wouldn't back out. Mamoru clenched his fists even tighter as he nodded slowly. He had hoped she would say no . . . had hoped she would prove that he was wrong. But if all he ever did was made her life miserable, he couldn't blame her. No, she had to move on. They *both* had to move on without destiny leading their lives. he thought bitterly. Even if he was sure that the love he felt for her was more real than any arrow that fate had shot to his heart. ***** Usagi cried. Her sobs could be heard even though her pillow muffled them. Her father demanded to know what had happened, but somehow she had managed to assure him that Mamoru had nothing to do with it. She would not make his life difficult anymore. Luna looked on sadly. It was depressing. A single boy who was also only looking for love tore down what hundreds of years and countless enemies could not destroy. In other parts of Juuban, Minako slept early upon the insistence of her parents, coughs still wracking her body every now and then. Artemis still lay awake, because, for some reason, he feared the moment that he had to close his eyes. Himeru stood near an open window in his room, looking at the sky, the stars and the planets that enveloped the lights that made up Tokyo, a blond, somewhat absentminded girl somewhere in his thoughts. Ami sat at the table to eat a late dinner with her only parent, her mother, who had just come home from the hospital. Rei was inside the fire room meditating, not knowing that Yuuichirou was behind the door, watching her. Makoto was alone on her couch, watching television and eating cookies that she had made herself, thinking of her new friend and comparing him with an old one. Finally, in Azabu, everything that was on top of Mamoru's desk was lying scattered on the floor. All that could be seen on top was Mamoru, his head resting on his folded arms, falling asleep as he stared at a frame that he held so dearly in his hand.