Confused Heart by Marj Notes: arigato - thank you daijobu - all right/ are you all right? ee - yes gomen - I'm sorry ja ne - 'bye minna - everybody sayonara - good-bye otou-san - father Please e-mail your comments and constructive criticisms at . Thanks! Disclaimers: The characters of Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon were created by Naoko Takeuchi-san, its copyright owned by Toei Animation, Kodansha, Nakayoshi, Sterling Animation Inc., and many other companies scattered throughout the world. Meaning, I cannot claim the characters as my own, and am mearly borrowing them. The character Andy Spencer is mine, though. So please don't sue, as I don't earn anything from this other than the satisfaction of making a story. Chapter Seven: Anger, Dates And Friends The next morning, before class started, Makoto and Minako were gathered around Ami's desk. She was showing them something that she had received from her father in the mail the previous night. It was a drawing of a little girl running into a man's arms - presumably the little girl's father. "Ami-chan . . . it's beautiful!" Minako commented, staring at the picture and at the same time keeping a weary eye towards the door, afraid that they would not notice their teacher's arrival again. "Your otou-san is such a great artist!" Makoto nodded. "It's sweet of him to give you a drawing every now and then. You're lucky . . ." Ami blushed. "Arigato. I do wish he would come and visit me instead of just sending me cards and drawings, though. I can almost imagine that I am that little girl and my otou-san is the man." "The little girl does kind of look like you . . ." Makoto leaned forward to take a better look. Minako giggled. "Maybe he's trying to convey a message!" "Perhaps." Ami smiled. The sound of the classroom door roughly sliding open made them raise their head from the drawing, half expecting their teacher. What greeted them, though, was a haggard-looking Usagi, eyes red and cheeks puffy from crying the previous night. Makoto and Ami stared at her as she took her seat without even greeting them with a simple "Hi". Minako's eyes filled with worry. "This girl is driving me crazy!! She was happy last night - now what happened?!" Makoto asked, absently rubbing the spot on her head where Usagi had pelted her with a pillow the previous day. Minako sighed. "Don't ask." Ami looked at her questioningly. "You know what happened?" "I guess I caught a good time while staying on a chosen place . . ." "Minako . . . I think that's 'I was in the right place at the right time' . . ." "Yeah. Whatever. Hey, it basically means the same thing, right?" Ami sweatdropped. "Eh . . . ee." The blond girl shrugged. "Anyway, Luna told me that Mamoru called last night, and Shingo said that Usagi had a fight with 'the person on the phone.'" Makoto sat on her chair, drumming her fingers. "I'm definitely getting tired of these continuous mood shifts. One minute she's happy, the next, she's depressed! It's driving me nuts!!!" She sighed in frustration. "So I guess *now* we're in a worse predicament than before . . . ?" Minako tapped Usagi - who was staring at the blackboard - on the shoulder. She answered with a grunt. "Usagi-chan, daijobu?" Ami asked. She shook her head and laid it on her arms on her desk. "Come on, Usagi, it's not that bad," Minako said, dragging her chair near Usagi's. "I know what happened - Shingo told me . . ." Usagi glared at her. "Shingo *does not* know anything!!" she said between gritted teeth. Minako was taken aback by her reaction while the two other girls looked on. "He just doesn't understand . . ." Usagi continued, her voice breaking. "He doesn't . . ." She sobbed into her arms. Makoto, Ami and Minako looked at each other. "Who doesn't?" Makoto asked. Usagi didn't answer. She heard Minako clear her throat. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her friends look up and proceed hesitantly to their respective places. She assumed that the teacher had arrived. Ami touched her shoulder in silent support before sitting down. she thought. ***** "Luna!" Artemis greeted as he bounded down on the tree branch beside her. She looked at him, smiled briefly, then continued to stare in front of her. Artemis nudged her with his paw. "Aw, come on, Luna. Don't tell me that even you've become a subject to all this depression." "What can I do, Artemis?" Luna asked. "Hmm?" Luna bowed her head in defeat. "I tried to talk to her this morning, but she shut me out. I know that last night was her first *real* fight with Mamoru and that she's hurting, but what bothers me is that she's not conveying her sorrows to *anyone*." Artemis shrugged. "Maybe she just thinks of it as kind of personal. You did say it was their first real fight." "Perhaps. But it's not helping her get any better." The cats remained silent for a while. "You know . . ." Artemis started out slowly. "I . . . you *do* know that I never knew about Minako's personal problem when she was in London, don't you?" Luna nodded. "See? Even she keeps secrets from me." "Minako was pretty good not to let her depression show. Usagi's another case." Artemis shook his head and joined her gaze to the ground. "That's not what I was trying to say. I always thought that I knew Minako in and out - that I know her better than anyone else in the entire universe. I had always wondered what had caused her to suddenly return from England, but I would usually dismiss it with the thought that it wasn't that important for it *had* seemed that way to her. But there, I was wrong." He sighed. "After she told me the story that she never had the courage to tell me, I realized that I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. *She* was the one who knew herself better than anybody else, not me. I don't know what is on her mind, and I can't always be there for her even if I want to - to know when and why she feels lonely or insecure of herself. All I can do is console her in the best way that I possibly can, whether she's unwilling to tell me her problems or not." "Being a guardian of somebody whose life has been filled with pain isn't that easy, Luna. Minako has been through a lot. Even though I usually hated myself for being helpless during those times, she always tells me that she never would have made it through if I weren't there. With her." Artemis looked at Luna. "We cannot always help them directly. But we can still console and guide them carefully. I have been doing this for a long time, Luna - longer than you. I know what I'm talking about." Luna stared at Artemis. "Are you the same mischievous cat that I know, or did someone possess you?" she asked with a small smile. He blushed. "So I don't usually do that. But hey, you needed advice so I gave you advice!" He cleared his throat. "Well, good luck with Usagi." "Where are you going?" He gave her a wicked grin. "To go play with the mice and birds." "Mina-chan isn't going to be happy about that." "What can she do? She's in class." Luna thought for a while. "Do you think Usagi is at least telling them what happened?" Artemis shrugged. "Maybe." "Well, I hope so." The white cat nodded. "I'll be going. Ja ne." He jumped off the branch. Luna watched him leave. "Ja ne . . . and arigato, Artemis." ***** As much as Luna hoped that Usagi would be relating her troubles to the others, her wish was not fulfilled. Usagi had not murmured a single word to her friends, and she remained in her emotional state all throughout the school day - from the sound of the first bell to the dismissal of class. She was packing her things in her bag and was about to tell her friends that she was not in the mood to go to Rei's when Andy appeared in front of her. Usagi sighed. "Yes?" "Usagi, can I ask you something?" he asked. She inserted her last book into her bag and locked it shut before answering. "What?" "Would you . . ." Minako, Ami, and Makoto, who were standing nearby and were being ignored, leaned forward to hear. " . . . go out with me Saturday night?" There it was. The dreaded question. Three heads turned to Usagi, waiting for an answer from the girl who was wondering just the previous night what she would do if the question was directed to her. Usagi thought bitterly. "Usagi . . . ?" Andy said hesitantly. "You don't have to go if you don't want to . . ." her mind echoed. In a hollow voice, she finally answered. "Sure. Why not?" Three strangled gasps could be heard. Andy looked relieved. "That's great. Say, umm . . . six o' clock? I'll pick you up at your house. I think I still remember where it is when you took me out on that Tokyo tour . . ." Usagi nodded absently. Makoto, Minako, and Ami looked at her incredulously. "Okay." He heaved a great, happy sigh, his face flushed with happiness. "I'll see you then . . . ?" She nodded again. "All right. I have to go now. Ja ne." He turned around and found himself looking at three staring girls. "Oh! I didn't notice you guys! Gotta go - I'm in a hurry. Sayonara!" With a wave good-bye, he ran out of the room. Minako peeked out the door, where she could see him jumping up and down while running, fists punching the air, with English shouts of "All right!!" and "Yes!!" filling the halls of the school. Ami stood beside Makoto as her friend gripped Usagi's shoulders. "Usagi, do you know what you just did?!?" Makoto demanded. Usagi's eyes turned to her. Makoto winced at their hollowness. "He doesn't care . . ." she said softly. "He doesn't care . . ." The three girls stared at her. Minako shook her head sadly. "She did it because she thinks nobody cares . . ." she said flatly. "But didn't you think of us?" Ami asked quietly. "What about us, Usagi? What about us?" ***** "You what?!!?" Rei looked at Usagi, disbelief all over her face. Makoto had just told her what had happened, and now Rei was demanding to know the truth. Usagi sat calmly on the floor. "I said 'yes'. Is there anything wrong with that?" "No. Not really. Only you just happen to have a *boyfriend* who'll be back in less than a month!!" "So?" "So? So?!? Usagi, you just told me last night - listen to me - LAST NIGHT that you want nothing to do with that guy!! What are you doing now? How do you expect me to react?!" "I just thought you'd respect my decision, that's all," Usagi said coldly. "We do respect your decision. It's just . . ." Makoto searched for the words to say. "What you did . . . it was shocking. Kind of like the last thing that we expected you to say. It sort of made us upset." "Why?" Minako, who had been sitting silently at one side of the table, asked softly. "What happened?" Everybody turned to look at her. She was staring at Usagi, her blue eyes daring her to answer her question. "I *know* you had a fight with him. Don't deny it. What happened?" Usagi bit her lip and bowed her head. "I don't think he cares anymore . . ." she said quietly. Ami held her hand. "You don't think . . . ?" Usagi shrugged. "Our discussion started out fine . . . but it got out of hand when I told him about Andy . . ." Rei shook her head. "No wonder. He must have been pretty jealous -" "But he wasn't!" Usagi pointed out. "He told me that he didn't care if I go out with others! And . . ." "And . . . ?" Rei pressed on. "And . . . and he also said that I should make sure we should stay only as friends. Then . . . I . . . accused him of thinking that I would go behind his back . . ." "But isn't that what you're doing now?" Ami asked. Silence. Usagi wiped the tears flowing down her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. "I . . . I don't know. He told me he didn't care if I go out, so how can that be going behind his back?" "Maybe Mamoru-san never meant to accuse you. Maybe he was just reminding you that . . . well . . . that he's still there," Makoto said gently. "He wouldn't remind me if he doesn't doubt me." "You know, you *should* be happy Mamoru-san doesn't keep a tight hold over you -" Minako started. Usagi let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah. He said that, too." "What did Luna say?" Rei asked. "I don't know. I . . . I haven't talked to her yet." She looked around. "Speaking of which, where is she?" "Artemis took her around town. She was as depressed as you are," Minako informed her. Ami squeezed Usagi's hand. "Just one more question. About your decision . . . are you going out with Andy because you're angry at Mamoru-san . . . or is it because you like him?" Usagi opened her mouth to answer. She was surprised when she found out that her mind had nothing to say. Rei patted Usagi's back gently. "Just think it over, okay Usagi?" The other girls nodded. "You wouldn't want to do something you'll regret later on . . ." Makoto said. Her friends' words whirled around Usagi's mind even as she walked back home. She started to have second thoughts. she thought, staring at the sidewalk where she was walking. She sighed. "Think it over . . ." they had said. Usagi looked up. The sun had just vanished, and countless stars had appeared in the night skies. The moon shone brightly in the center of it all. It seems so big in the night sky - so beautiful. And so very alone. Her thoughts drifted back to the phone conversation. Fresh tears rolled from her eyes.