Confused Heart by Marj Notes: gomen - I'm sorry sayonara - good-bye otou-san - father Please e-mail your comments and constructive criticisms at . Thanks! Disclaimers: The characters of Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon were created by Naoko Takeuchi-san, its copyright owned by Toei Animation, Kodansha, Nakayoshi, Sterling Animation Inc., and many other companies scattered throughout the world. Meaning, I cannot claim the characters as my own, and am mearly borrowing them. The characters Andy Spencer and Ayukawa Himeru are mine though. So please don't sue, as I don't earn anything from this other than the satisfaction of making a story. Chapter Nine: The Date Usagi nervously drummed her fingers on the coffee table. It was late Saturday afternoon - almost six o' clock in the evening - and she had been waiting for Andy to arrive for over an hour. Now this was strange for Usagi, for she couldn't recall a time when she had prepared an hour early before the said time. But she had so much nervous energy that even though she woken up very early that morning, jogged for almost an hour around Juuban, and spent the rest of the day frolicking around the house she hadn't felt very tired. Finding nothing else to do, she had grabbed a pink jumper skirt and a white, long-sleeved turtleneck sweater from her cabinet, donned them, sat down in her family's living room, and waited. Needless to say, her father was NOT happy to learn that his daughter was going out on a date. He was sitting in front of her, the newspaper covering his upper body, but Usagi could still see him peeking at her every now and then. She was already used to this as they both went through the whole process every time Mamoru took her out. But this was the first time they had spent over an hour in the living room waiting for her date. Tsukino Kenji could have memorized the whole Saturday newspaper by now. While her body needed to release the nervous energy that had built up, her thoughts were bent on answering one question. Ami's question. A day had gone by since Ami had asked her and she still had no answer. So simple a statement, so difficult to answer. Over and over, she ran the question through her mind, and again and again she came up with the same thing - nothing. Usagi thought wryly, rubbing her temples. The clock hanging on the wall confirmed her thoughts. Time passed by so slowly, Usagi was absolutely certain that Sailorpluto must have done something to stop it from moving. It was maddening - she wanted the date to start and get it over with, yet she also wished that everything would stand still so that the date wouldn't happen at all. But the clock went by its own accord, controlled by no one, its speed unchanged since the last time its batteries were changed. The sound it made filled the silent room, reminding the occupants that time went on. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. When the second hand reached twelve - ending the last seconds that stood between 5:59 and 6:00, Usagi half expected the doorbell to ring right then and there. But it didn't, and she waited some more. Tick- tock. Tick-tock. She was about to feel relieved that Andy had cancelled the date, until the doorbell rang. Usagi looked at the clock. She could have sworn that an hour had passed by since 6:00, but it had actually only been ten minutes. Her mother called. "Usagi! You have a visitor!" She stood up. "Be right there!" Luna - who had been sitting on the carpet watching Usagi the whole time - watched as she ran out of the living room, her father following suit. She joined them out in the hallway and saw Andy, decked out in a red, long-sleeved polo and white slacks. It wasn't long before Luna heard the words Usagi's father told Andy that were usually addressed only to Mamoru. Normally, Usagi would be irritated when her father would proclaim his "Take-care-of-her-Don't-stay-out-too-late-Bring-her-back-early-or-get- out-of-town-by-sunrise" speech to Mamoru. Yet this time, she didn't mind at all. Andy listened patiently and nodded at his every sentence. He waited until he and Usagi were out of the Tsukino's gate before he started speaking. "Boy, that sure is one, protective dad you've got," he grumbled. Usagi nodded. "Otou-san is *always* like that. It's like he can't stand the thought that his little girl has grown up." When they turned at the corner from Usagi's house, she saw the car Andy had rented for the occasion. "You can drive?" Usagi asked. Andy raised and lowered his eyebrows twice in quick succession. "Got my license just last year. Hop on in. Don't worry, I'm a safe driver," he said, smiling as he assured her. "Besides, I'd better bring you back intact or your dad will have my hide!" Usagi weakly returned his smile. "So where are we going?" she asked. Andy inserted his keys in the ignition, started the car, and rolled it cautiously away from the curb and into the street. "Do you remember that restaurant you showed me the other day? You said that you and your friend were secretly chasing someone there some time ago." "Yes . . ." Usagi answered, recalling that she had told him of the time when Minako and she had first met Teno'u Haruka and were bent on proving that "he" and Kaiou Michiru were not a couple - before they found out that Haruka was actually a girl. "I was thinking that maybe we could have dinner there, and if there's still time, we could take a short stroll around the park," Andy said. Usagi nodded slowly. "Okay . . ." They didn't speak much in the restaurant, mainly because Usagi didn't feel like it and Andy was still a bit nervous. The sole topics they could come up with were their schoolwork, and how their grades had been lately. Only when they started walking around the Juuban Park did they start to loosen up a bit. "Andy-san . . . I was just wondering. Where'd you learn to speak Nihongo?" Usagi asked. "I took lessons. I wanted to learn a lot of different languages." She raised her eyebrows. "Why is that?" Andy grinned. "I want to be a pilot someday and go around the world. Anything that has to do with travelling. So far I only know three languages - my native English, then Spanish and Japanese. Let me tell you right now that I had an awfully hard time learning your dialect!" "Why? I don't think it's that hard. To tell you the truth, I don't know English very well myself." Andy nodded. "We were born and raised to understand a language that our parents could understand. Otherwise, how would we be able to communicate?" Usagi imagined her parents trying to talk to her and herself responding in a language very alien to them both. "Misunderstanding would be evident," she said, smiling. "I took up sociology last year," Andy said, running a hand through his black hair. "If you think about it, words are really only sounds our ancestors made to symbolize something that they see. Just pure symbols, similar to the origins of alphabets, which actually started as mere drawings of cows and fishes and the like. Ask a person in a country where it doesn't snow - What is the translation of the word snow in your language? You'll find that he would have trouble figuring that out, since the people of that land long ago did not even know what snow was, so they haven't made a word - a sound - for it." They sat down on a nearby bench. Andy continued. "But that doesn't mean that two people with the same language can't have misunderstandings with each other, too. As a person grows up, he has his own meaning to that sound that he heard. What you would think is totally safe to say could greatly offend another person. So you end up fighting with him or her. That's why it's difficult to watch what you say, to quote a phrase. Because you don't know exactly what a certain word means to someone else." Usagi stared at him, her eyes wide, almost as if she was horrified. Actually, she *was* horrified. "What's wrong?" Andy asked, concerned. She bowed her head, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. Her mind reeled as she relived her and Mamoru's last conversation. <'The problem with you is that you always jump to conclusions which aren't true!'> she thought. "Usagi?" Andy reached out and held her hand. Usagi shook her head. "Go . . . gomen. It's nothing - I just remembered something." Andy let out a huge, relieved sigh. "You had me worried there for a minute." "I'm okay. You shouldn't worry so much." Andy nodded. "Let's talk about something else, all right?" "Yeah, let's." There was a silent pause as they thought of what to say. Usagi looked up. "Ne, Andy-san, when are you going back to America?" Andy was quiet for a while before he shrugged. "Not 'till the end of this school year . . . I don't know. Why?" She bit her lip. "If you won't be here for long, then why did you even bother courting me?" He started kicking the grass with his shoe. "I was hoping that I could stay longer than that." "No matter how long you wish to stay, you can't live here forever," Usagi said, confused. "The authorities would make sure of that." "I know," Andy sighed. "But I could come back every now and then." "Oh, Andy . . ." Usagi gave him a sad look. "This will never work." "We can make it work." "We? But . . . we can't! *I* can't . . ." "We CAN." Andy leaned forward. Usagi slowly closed her eyes. Their lips touched, first briefly, then longer. Usagi felt herself caught up in the moment - until she opened her eyes halfway and saw blue eyes staring back at her. But they were not Andy's. And they were not filled with love. Instead, what she saw were silent, sad, and accusing eyes framed by a handsome face and jet- black hair . . . Her eyes were wide open when she pushed Andy away. "No. I can't do this." "But . . ." "No!!!" Usagi shouted, breaking away and standing up abruptly. Andy just stared at her while she paced on the grass. "I . . . I have a boyfriend! And I love him! I'm sorry, but this would never, *ever* work!" "Think, Usagi. If you *do* love him, then why did you agreed on this date?" Andy asked, never taking his eyes off her. Usagi paused from pacing. Suddenly, Ami's question came back out in the open. She was so torn that she held her head with both hands and shook it. Andy stood up and held her shoulder, but she shrugged him away. "Gomen! Gomen!! I love him! I love him!! And no matter what you say or do, you'll never take my heart from him! Never!" She covered her face and cried. For a long time, Andy stood there, looking at her. "So this whole evening was just a joke." Usagi turned to stare at him, tears running down her cheeks. "I should have known it all along. After all, I *do* look like him, don't I, Usagi? I'm just a substitute until he comes back." "No! It's not that! I didn't mean to -" He just nodded and looked away. "Come on. Let's take you home." No one said a word during the trip back to the Tsukino's home. Andy parked the car in front of the gate and waited for Usagi to depart. "You kissed me, Usagi," he said quietly. Usagi paused from closing the door, but she didn't look at him. Andy gave her a sad smile. "For a moment, you loved me. If only it could have lasted forever." She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again and swallowed. "Your boyfriend is very lucky to have you. Sayonara . . . Usagi." Usagi closed the car door and watched the car roll away. "Sayonara," she whispered. Then she slowly walked inside her house, feeling relieved - and very heavy - at the same time.