Tears
A Slayers fic by Rana
Legal Stuff: I do not own Slayers, any related characters, or anything else I can think of. I get no money for this, so don’t sue me, I’m poor, you wouldn’t get anything out of me anyway.
Author’s Note: This fic is counterpart to my other fic, “Voices.”
Amelia made it all the way to her room at the inn and locked the door before letting hot, silent tears slide down her face.
Crying was not a luxury she usually allowed herself. Oh, there would be the occasional tears of pain after a battle—or a run in with Lina’s temper—but she rarely had a long, drawn out sob fest.
She felt justified tonight, though. With everything that happened yesterday, she was just glad they were at an inn, so she could cry in peace. If they had camped out, she might have had to “wander” away from the campsite, or worse, just keep it bottled up inside.
And she didn’t think she could handle that. Not tonight. She needed to let everything out. But even here, she couldn’t let her guard down. Her tears had to be silent ones.
Because otherwise, he might hear.
Amelia sat down on her bed, arms wrapped around her sides to keep sobs from escaping.
I shouldn’t have said anything,
she thought miserably. At least then
I still would have had some hope.
She hadn’t even realized what she was going to say until the words had left her mouth.
Right! Let the power of the love
we share make this work!
The words had come so easily. It had seemed so natural to her. Natural and wonderful. Until she heard his reply.
He’d sounded awkward and embarrassed by the whole thing. And he hadn’t said one word to her about it since. Even this afternoon, when he’d screamed for no reason. When the others had pressed him about it, she’d quickly pointed out the inn to take the attention off Zelgadis. But when she’d offered to listen to what was troubling him, he’d politely brushed her off.
It had been so much better when she’d at least had the illusion he might care for her as more than just a friend. There were times when it was downright easy for her to convince herself of that. Such as when he’d saved her from Gaav. It was so easy for her to believe it was a sacrifice of love. But of course, it wasn’t. He didn’t think of her that way.
So, what does he think of
me? Amelia asked herself.
He’s embarrassed by you, she
thought next. He doesn’t think of
you as any more than a friend, and he’s embarrassed by what he thinks is your
“crush” on him.
But it wasn’t a crush. Amelia knew that. She’d had crushes before, on some of the boys in Seyruun, and even a brief one on Gourry when they’d first met. This was different.
She wanted to make Zelgadis smile, something he did rarely. She wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, and protect him. But most of all, she wanted to see him happy.
Well, if it makes him happy not to have to think that I have a crush on him, so be it. I’ll hide my feelings better from now on, she vowed to herself. We’ll go on as we have been, as friends.
Amelia wiped the tears from her face, firm in her resolve to accept that she and Zelgadis would always only be friends.
It’s not enough, whispered a voice inside her.
But it would have to be.
~fin~