Voices

 

A Slayers Fic by Rana

 

Legal Stuff:  I do not own Slayers, any related characters, or anything else I can think of.  I get no money for this, so don’t sue me, I’m poor, you wouldn’t get anything out of me anyway.

 

           

 

 

Shut up, Zelgadis told the voices in his head.

 

            SHUT UP!, he said again internally, a few minutes later.

 

            “SHUT UP!!!” he screamed a few minutes later. 

 

            Lina, Gourry, Filia, Amelia, and Xellos all turned to him and gave him strange looks.  It was then that Zelgadis realized his last scream had been out loud.

 

            “Are you feeling unwell?” asked Filia.

 

            “Yeah, Zel, what’s wrong?” asked Lina.

 

            “Nothing, nothing,” Zelgadis was quick to reassure them. 

 

            “Then why’d you yell?” asked Gourry in his direct manner.

 

            He would pick NOW to be sharper than usual, Zelgadis thought.

 

            “Miss Lina, Mr. Gourry, isn’t that an inn up ahead?” asked Amelia, pointing.

 

            “FOOD!!” said Lina and Gourry, as they took off running.

 

            “Hey, wait for me!” said Filia as she chased after them.  Xellos simply disappeared, presumably to reappear at the inn. 

 

            Zelgadis was ready to follow them when he felt Amelia’s hand on his arm.

 

            “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, her blue eyes filled with concern.

 

            “No, I’m fine.  Don’t worry about it,” Zelgadis said.

 

            “Still, I’m leaving the offer open if you change you mind.  Now, let’s hurry or else there won’t be any food left at all,” Amelia said, grinning.

 

            “In the inn, or the town?” Zelgadis joked.  Somehow, just knowing Amelia was concerned about him improved his mood greatly.  As long as he didn’t think about the reason too much.

 

            “Both,” Amelia said, and took off running.  Zelgadis was quick to follow.

 

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

 

            But Zelgadis’ problems weren’t over.  The voices returned later that evening.  His brain refused to quiet down.

 

            SHUT UP!! I WANT TO SLEEP!! He screamed at the voices.  But they would not go away.

 

            The first voice wasn’t his own.  It was an echo, of something that Amelia had said last night, when they were using the magic vessels of Alto and Baritone to fight Gravos and the Darkstar weapon.

 

            Right! Let the power of the love we share make this work!

 

            Power of the love we share…

 

            Love we share….

 

            Love we share….

 

            It kept reverberating in his head, and it was simultaneously the sweetest and most agonizing sound he’d ever heard in his life.  And that was the source of the other two voices.

 

            She loves me she loves me she loves me she loves me she loves me, shouted part of his mind in a younger, happier version of his own voice.  The way he’d sounded when he was human.

 

            That was the voice Zelgadis desperately wanted to believe.  He’d fallen for her, there was no denying that.  He’d fallen hard.  He loved her justice speeches, her penchant for high places, her klutziness, her sometimes naiveté, all of it.  He didn’t know how or when it happened.  It might have been a gradual thing, or maybe some part of him had known since the first time they’d met.  It didn’t matter. 

 

            Once he’d realized that he loved her, when he’d saved her from Gaav’s attack and getting severely wounded in the process, he realized that he was a lot more human that he ever given himself credit for.

 

            Ever since Rezo had given Zelgadis a chimera body, which was one-third demon to boot, Zelgadis had convinced himself that he was a monster not only in looks, but in mind as well.  Falling in love Amelia, if nothing else, had proved that theory wrong. 

 

            But even if he still had some humanity, he wasn’t human, not any more.  And another voice kept reminding him of that.

 

            You’re a freak.  No one loves you, no one could love you.  That statement was made by a silly, romantic girl who was caught up in the moment and more in love with the notion of love than anything else, said his cool, logical side, which rather sounded like Rezo.

 

            Zelgadis took a deep breath.  Maybe if he analyzed what was being said, he’d finally have some peace.

 

            Amelia is a silly, romantic girl.  That was true enough.  Of course, her silliness always made him smile (internally, at least) and her high ideals and convictions impressed him. 

            But she was also honest, sometimes to a fault.  She wouldn’t say anything she didn’t mean.  Would she?

 

            Of course, if she believed she meant it, then yes, she would have.

 

            She was probably already regretting her hasty words.  When she’d talked to him this afternoon, she’d been concerned, yes, but as one is concerned for a friend.

 

            Yes, that had to be it.  A friend.  That must be what she thought of him.  And friendship is a form of love, right?  That was what her statement had meant.  She loved him as a friend, nothing more.

 

            And that was all right.  Zelgadis never said anything, but he was grateful to have friends like Amelia and Lina and Gourry, friends who were willing to forgive the times he’d been against them, who were willing to accompany him on his quest to find a cure. 

 

Yes, he could deal with Amelia being just his friend.  He would deal with it.

 

            It’s not enough, whispered the younger voice, traitorously.

 

            But it would have to be.

 

~fin~