Me: Hey miscreants, I’m back after a year of writing layoff.

All: *much disappointed (yeah right) snapping of fingers*

Me: I’d just like to take the time to remind you all that you are not scoring brownie points with the sarcasm.

Lina: Like I care! Doing slave labor for teenage morons is not my idea of a hot gig!

Me: I’m a TWENTYSOMETHING moron now, thank you very much… uh… I mean…

All: *snicker*

Me: All RIGHT. Shut UP. The creative bug has finally bitten me again…

Xellos: Probably on the butt…

Me: And I’m ready to write another fic, so Alyson will stop BEGGING ME…

Lina: Shyeah, right… you’re an even worse writer than she is, you should be begging US to do it…

Me: *gets idea* Ahem! Lina! Would you like me to tell Alyson to show that PICTURE she drew of you and Gourry to everyone on the web?!

Lina: *turning Technicolor red* WHY YOU… YOU… YOU… DRAGON SLAAAAAAVE!!!!!!

All: OH CRAP—

KABOOM!!!!!!!!

Me: *protected by big ass force field* That’s what I thought. So simmer down and go along, missy.

Zelgadis: “Missy?” “MISSY?” What kind of a fruity thing to say is tha—

*Monty Python foot squishes him*

Me: I guess some people just can’t take a hint.

Sylphiel: I’LL say. From what I saw after the party, this guy is ANYTHING but fruity.

All: *catcall* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Sylphiel: *major blush*

Me: *cough* Anyway, this time around, you’ll be parodying the famous Arabian story of Alladin and his magic lamp.

Xellos: I can already see it taking shape… how exciting! *cackle*

Me: Starring as Alladin, will be your very own Gourry Gabriev.

Gourry: Great! I think!

Me: As the free-spirited, loud mouthed and trouble prone Princess Jasmine, Lina Inverse.

Lina: FINALLY! I FINALLY GET TO PLAY A FRIGGIN’ PRINCESS WHO DOESN’T GET KNOCKED OUT AND MARGINALIZED!!!!!

Amelia: Gee, there goes her apprehension…

Me: As the evil sorceror Jafar…

Xellos: Yes? Yes? *drumming fingers happily*

Me: …Zangulus.

All: HUUUUUH?!?!!?!! *fall over*

Me: Fooled you, didn’t I? Well, to me it was an obvious choice. Xellos will be playing the part of the Genie.

Xellos: *twitch twitch* WHY do you keep making me be a good guy?

Me: Because you’re playing a good guy who’s a schizophrenic pain in the ass.

Xellos: Point.

Zangulus: YES! Cephied has granted me another chance! This time I will beat Gabriev and prove to the world that I am the greatest swordsman of all ti—

Martina: Darling, shut UP!

Zangulus: …yes, dear.

Me: Hem! As Jafar’s squawking, obnoxious sidekick, Martina.

Martina: I resemble… er, resent that remark!

Me: As the dorky, out of it sultan, Valgarv!

Valgarv: I HAVE TO BE THAT #$@#^@#$#%#$%$#@@#^@$@’S FATHER?!?!?!?!

Lina: I’m not any happier about it.

Me: Deal with it. As Alladin’s primary primate (wokka wokka wokka!)…

All: *make plane crashing sound effects*

Me: Sheesh. Zelgadis.

Zelgadis: *writing my name on piece of paper*

Amelia: Whatcha writing?

Zelgadis: Every single day I’m forced to add yet another name to my list of people who piss me off.

Me: Let me say in return, I have nothing but newfound respect for any director who ever worked with Axl Rose.

Zelgadis: What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?

Me: Never mind. As the Princess’ sidekick, Amelia.

Amelia: Doesn’t that make me a tiger?

Martina: OH yeah! There’s your “justice!” Zelgadis and Amelia should have to wear animal suits just like I did when I was the frog! Ah ha ha ah ha!!!!

Me: Uh, no they don’t. And you have to dress in a bird suit.

Martina: WHAAAAAAAAAAT???!!!!

Me: As the captain of the sultan’s guard, Filia.

Filia: Considering you have a life-threatening crush on me, you seem to marginalize me a lot in your fics.

Me: Sue me, I’m strapped for roles here. -_- Anyway, I figured a sadist like you would enjoy threatening to cut people’s hands off for stealing bread…

Filia: I RESENT THAT.

Me: Deal with it.

Sylphiel: What about me?

Me: You and Naga get peripheral roles as Filia’s underlings.

Naga: Phooey.

Lina: Phew.

Me: Well, I think that’s everyone. Ready to start the fic?

All: No.

Naga: OOOOOOOOOOHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO—no.

Me: Shut up. -_- Here we go!

All: *groan*