-Project A-ko Gaidens- Fanfic #1 314 lines Terrorist Retreat by Warpzone Welcome to the first of what I hope becomes a series of hilarious Project A-ko fanfics. At first I was surprised that there were so few Project A-ko fanfics already out there, especially compared to the number of Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon stories. (Even ecchi stories! Yikes!) Then, as I began to write, I realized the reason: It's hard writing sarcastically! The entire series is basically just a parody of anime stereotypes, and there are no real loose ends to tie up, so it's hard to think up story ideas! When you're watching it on the videos, this can be supplemented by incredible art and animation, and cool mecha design, but these things don't translate well into writing. I only have two other plots in mind besides this one, but with luck, I'll be able to think of other things to do with these characters. Apparently, that's what the original creators did when they made the Versus Battles... Note: These Project A-ko fanfics of mine involve both the Akigiyama-23 and the delicately balanced alien spaecraft, so they probably take place between volumes 1 and 2 of the video series. Feel free to copy, distribute, print, and post this file, but keep it intact! ................... -Terrorist Retreat- ................... A-ko was sitting at home, watching TV in her sailor suit. As she flipped through the channels, she noticed an emergency news broadcast. She turned up the volume... "This just in here at Monster Attack News... a military warship has been hijacked by terrorists. It is approaching Graviton City, possibly to attack. Citizens are advised to panic and riot as soon as possible..." "Not if I can help it!" A-ko said to herself. She got up, determined to save the city. "Bye, Mom!" she called as she left the house. She met C-ko coming up the street. C-ko was also wearing her sailor uniform. "Hi, A-ko" she said. "I was just coming to get you! Remember, you promised to take me to the zoo today!" "Sorry," A-ko said, "but I can't today. I have to go stop that warship that got hijacked." "Oh." C-ko thought for a moment. "Okay, I guess we can do that instead." She happily skipped along beside her friend, grinning goofily. ................... Meanwhile, B-ko had plans of her own. She had equipped her Akigiyama-23 suit and was inputting commands in annother giant mecha. She had designed this one especially to defend itself. It would keep A-ko busy while B-ko picked her off with missles. She had been watching Monster Attack News, and since it wasn't a school day, she saw she no other logical course of action than to go to the warship. And if A-ko didn't show up, well, she could always defeat the terrorists. It would do her reputation some good and allow her to test her new toy in action. "It's a win-win situation," she gloated happily as she glided into the air on the Akigiyama's tiny wings. The giant robot folded it's arms back into thrusters and flew off, following it's master. Meanwhile, about half of A-ko's class had gathered in the school for weekend toutoring. Everybody looked out the window as a blue-haired girl in a mecha- suit that barely covered her flew by, followed by a giant robot with no arms. "Children, pay attention." Miss Ayumi said, kindly but firmly, "If you looked at the board as much as the window, you wouldn't need toutoring in the first place!" She shook her head. She had even tried dying her hair green to get the kids' attention, but nothing seemed to help this class. She turned away from the window, and tried to think of a way to make the lesson more fun... Meanwhile, a giant Kitchen Sink Monster had appeared a few blocks over. The students watched, wide-eyed, as it kicked over a few buildings, then Megazord appeared to fight it. The Kitchen Sink Monster blasted Megazord harmlessly with water for about ten minutes, during which time Megazord attempted to lift its arm. When it finally reached the top, Megazord slashed down quickly with the sword in its hand. The monster exploded in a burst of water and metal, then reverted back into a normal kitchen sink, which neatly re-inserted itself into the plumbing of the house it had come from. Megazord posed for a while, then disapeared in a blast of lightning. Miss Ayumi heard the entire class gasp in awe, and she turned around to see what was wrong. She followed their gaze to the window, but Megazord was already gone, and all she saw was the garbage truck picking up the trash. "Oooh, you've all seen that truck a million times before!" she scolded, "Now be good children and pay attention!" ................... A-ko dashed down the street at about 90 mph, dragging C-ko by the wrist. She had expected to find the warship floating in the water, but as she neared the docks, she saw that it was hovering in the air, about 2000 feet up. "Darn it!" she thought, "Why are those news reports always so vague!?" She was going too fast to stop, so she just jumped into the air. She just barely managed to catch a ring hanging from the bottom of the enormous metal craft. A-ko tossed C-ko up onto the top deck, then jumped up after her. "We can get in here," C-ko said, proudly pointing to a small metal hatch she had found. She tried to turn the wheel to open it, but it was stuck. "Here, let me," A-ko said, and gave the wheel a good twist. It came off in her hands. She started pounding the domed hatch with her fists, but suceeded only in denting it a little. She thought for a moment, then brought her heel down on the metal floor next to her, destroying an entire level of the ship. (But still not damaging the hatch.) They eventually landed on a floor deep inside the ship, atop the rubble. They heard a rough voice say "What's going on back there!?" and suddenly, a door flew open and one of the terrorists stalked into the room, an enormous gun in his hands. He noticed that most of the room was missing, then saw A-ko running toward him. He fired at her, point-blank. A-ko grabbed the man's gun and threw it up, out of the ship, and into the clear blue sky, where a ceiling probably should have been. Unfortunately, the gun was attached to the terrorist's arm, so he went with it. "Sorry!" A-ko called after him as he continued to fall up into the sky. Soon he was too small to see, and A-ko wondered if he'd go all the way into space or not. "He shot you right in the chest!" C-ko cried. "How did you survive that blast!?" Come to think of it, she was right. A-ko looked down. There was a small hole burnt in the front of her blouse, but that was it. "Looks like my shirt took the laser for me." she said. "Now that I think about it, that happens an awful lot..." A-ko peeked around the corner, finding two more guards in the next room. She looked down to C-ko. "Think you can create a diversion?" she whispered. "You mean it!? Yeah!" C-ko was obviously thrilled to be helping. Her eyes filled with childish delight as she randomly pressed at buttons on a nearby control panel. She had no idea what she was doing, but she was offered a lot of choices to make, so whatever it was, she knew it must be very complex. Suddenly, a replicator in the next room hummed, and created some food from stored matter supplies. The guards eagerly walked over, and each took a bowl of what looked like sticky green rice. "It's about time the boss figured out how to work this thing," one said, "I'm starved!" They both eagerly began shoveling the stuff into their mouths. As they dropped to the ground in agony, A-ko rushed forward to clobber them with most of a wall. She dropped the bulkhead as she realized they were already unconscious, if not dead. "Incredible, C-ko!" A-ko smiled, "Not only did you manage to beat your own worst cooking, but you did it completely by accident!" She carefully stepped around the dropped bowls, not knowing how viral the stuff might be. "Thanks, A-ko!" C-ko did a little curtsey, then looked worried. "Um, A-ko..." she gestured to something behind A-ko, and A-ko whirled around to face the last terrorist. He was obviously the leader, with a wide red cape and a powerful-looking bionic arm. One of his eyes was also a mechanical implant. "Mister!" C-ko screamed, "There's s tiny robot attacking your eye!" "Where are the hostages!?" A-ko demanded, but the man just smirked at her. "The craft was unmanned when we boarded it. But that doesn't mean we don't have any hostages!" He proudly gestured to a viewscreen on one wall. "All of Graviton City is our hostage!" Suddenly, he pulled a huge gun out of nowhere. "You two have caused me a lot of trouble! Now you're going to die!" The two of them huddled together, and C-ko started to cry, completely soaking A-ko and the terrorist in a matter of seconds. "Is she always like this?" the terrorist asked, but before A-ko could reply, a giant robot suddenly smashed in through the ceiling and crushed him. "You're finished this time, A-ko!" B-ko shouted as she glided down, landing in the giant mecha's cockpit. She pressed a sequence of keys, and armor plates popped up from the mech's arms. Then she frowned. "Why are you two wearing your sailor suits?" she asked, "It's not a school day. Well, it doesn't matter what you wear, A-ko! You won't defeat my awesome Kokenton Defender-3!" A-ko blinked. "Funny, I don't remember fighting a 1 and 2." She shrugged, and quickly looked the robot over, searching for possible weak spots. Then, she yelled loudly and jumped toward the cockpit, trying to hit B-ko. But B-ko glided over her head, shouted "Akigiyama Missles!" and began firing at her from behind. "Nothing will save you this time, A-so-ko!" B-ko continued firing hundreds of missles per second. "HEY! That's mean!" A-ko wondered how they managed to get all this talking done in the middle of a huge fight scene. "Besides, there are children present!" C-ko merely smiled at B-ko in her innocence. "You're pronouncing it wrong," she said. "It's A-ko!" A-ko dodged rapidly, and the surprised mecha quickly moved it's arms, trying to block the missles it's master was firing at it. When B-ko paused to reload, A-ko bounded off the robot's arms and landed in the cockpit. Immediately, no less than a hundred tiny metal tenticals reached out to grab her, to protect the sensitive controls. They seized A-ko's arms, and she struggled to break free. Meanwhile, B-ko had reloaded the launchers on her gauntlets, and was about to fire, when she noticed C-ko was in the cockpit with A-ko. She gasped. "C-ko! What are you doing up there!?" She tried to find a way to aim at A-ko without hitting C-ko. "C-ko! What are you doing up here!?" A-ko asked angrily. C-ko pouted as she tried, unsucessfully, to bend back one of the smaller tenticles. "I'm helping you!" Meanwhile, the Kokenton Defender-3 had ascesed the situation this way: TARGET-| |DENT|F|ED: A-K0. DESTR0Y AT ALL C0STS. TARGET-2 |DENT|F|ED: C-K0. MUST N0T HARM. It carefully pushed C-ko out of it's cockpit, not harming her. The twelve foot drop to the floor did, but in that case, gravity was the active medium, so the Kokenton Defender-3 didn't care. C-ko sat there, not realy hurt but trying to work up some more tears, anyway. Then she stopped. Something about the controls had actually made sense to her. "A-ko!" she yelled, "Look at the top of the control panel! The colored lights! Press blue blue yellow red! Now!" A-ko tried to reach the buttons as the tenticals began constricting her. She tapped in the combination, and suddenly, the pressure stopped. The Kokenton Defender-3 retracted it's tenticals. "Oh, no you don't!" B-ko shouted. "You can't turn my own creation against me!" The safety on her right armband popped up with a click, and she aimmed at the cockpit. "Green yellow yellow green!" C-ko shouted, and A-ko typed it in quickly. B-ko began to fire. "Akigiya-" was as far as she got before the robot lurched forward and stepped on her. She smashed through three metal floors before popping out the bottom of the ship, going "Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" as she fell toward the ocean. Normally, A-ko would have scrapped the robot at this point, but she liked the idea of being in control of B-ko's creation. "She's sort of getting away," she said, "How do I get this thing to follow her!?" C-ko smiled confidently, happy to finally be so useful to her friend. "Blue red red yellow blue green green green yellow red." A-ko wondered how C-ko understood the odd controls, but before she could ask, the Kokenton Defender-3 suddenly spoke up regarding that last command. "SELF-DESTRUCT HAS BEEN |N|T|ATED. WE H0PE Y0U HAVE ENJ0YED BE|NG ATTACKED BY TH|S UN|T, AND L00K F0RWARD T0 THE P0SS|B|L|TY 0F F|GHT|NG AGA|N, PERHAPS |N A FUTURE L|FE." C-ko slapped a hand to her forehead. "I mean, ...Green green YELLOW yellow red." A-ko looked around for a quick means of escape. All she could find was a large missle turret attached to the ship. She jumped onto the missle and held on tightly with her legs, telling C-ko to do the same. "A-ko: Missle gun- FIRE!" She shouted, but nothing happened. "I think it's a torpedo gun." C-ko said, "try that." "A-ko: Torpedo gun- FIRE!" ................... Suddenly, there was an explosion in the sky. All of the students jumped up from their desks and went "OOOOOOOHHHHHH!" as the explosion on the battleship ignited others, and the whole ship went up in a chain of fiery bursts. Miss Ayumi looked up, but only saw part of the last explosion out of the corner of her eye, and mistook it for trick of the light. What she DID see was her entire class over by the window, looking out. She pushed between them and tried to see what they were looking at. The only thing she saw unusual was a small dog yapping in front of Graviton High School. "Everybody sit down," she said, pulling the shades over the windows. "And you go home!" she told the dog, "I'm trying to teach here!" ................... Agent D was polishing the side of a giant spaceship. "Flawless!" she said proudly, looking at the smooth metal hull. They had finished external repairs, and only needed some more money to fix the engines. Then they could leave this ridiculous planet Earth, with or without their beloved princess for all D cared. D's thoughts were interupted as she heard a deep, whistling sound. She looked back to see two schoolgirls jump off a missle as it rocketed toward her. She jumped to one side just in time to avoid getting hit, and it rammed the side of the ship. She winced as several weeks of expensive repairs was demolished before her eyes. The Captian wasn't going to like this... ................... "You're late!" A-ko's mom said as she came in the door. "What kept you out so long? And what happened to your blouse!?" A-ko shuffled her feet, unsure what to say. "Ummm... It's a long story, but I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything you or dad wouldn't have done..." THE END