Reflections I
                               
                                   These are going to be just little blurbs by me about my life in general.  I find
  sometimes, things happen to me and I ask myself, "Why the hell did that happen?" and
  "What does it mean?".  Well, these little reflections will be my attempts at answering those
  questions.  Here it goes. . .
     I attended this swing dance seminar the saturday before Valentines day.  About two
  weeks before, I had attended another swing dance, but at that one, I was one of the people
  performing the music.  See, I'm part of one of the jazz bands and we played a lot of swing
  songs that night.  Attendance was very good for the regular dance and mild for the seminar.
     I think it's a very good metaphor, the swing dance for me.  Why?  For a couple
  reasons.
     First, I find that all my skills will be used for the primary reason of making other
  people happy.  That in itself is not a bad thing, but I find myself thinking, "What if I end up
  doing this and nothing else?"  Is it right for someone to completely give up their own life to
  serve others?  I'm sure even the best servants need their own personal time to lead their social
  lives.  As it is, I don't have much of one, and I'd like a chance to have one.  But, what if I
  never have a chance?  That's one thought that scares me.
     Another thought that scares me is the fact that, when I wasn't playing, I was just
  sitting at a table, watching everyone else having fun.  This is disturbingly like my own
  attitude towards being social.  I'd rather not go out and actively talk to people, but rather I
  prefer to wait until someone talks to me.  Thus, I end up watching other people be social and
  having fun, while wishing I was a part of it.  I'm afraid that I'll never be out there on the
  dance floor with everyone else.
     Lastly, I realized something at the swing dance seminar I attended.  You see, I have a
  background in folk dancing and I know how to do some ballroom, too.  It was easy for me to
  learn the dance moves at the seminar.  In fact, I'll go so far as to say I was the only person
  (excluding the instructor) who knew what they were doing.  After each new move, we'd
  switch partners and practice, then learn another move.  A lot of people there knew each other
  and there were a couple couples there too, but I was single and knew almost no one there. 
  Where is this going?  I find it very, very ironic that I know how to dance fairly well, but I
  have no partner to dance with, both on the dance floor and in real life.  Perhaps I am doomed
  to changing dance partners, and mediocre ones at that, for the rest of my life.  Or, perhaps,
  I'll be partnerless in the end.
     Well, those are all my thoughts for this time.  I hope they weren't too depressing for
  you.  Like I said, these are just my attempts at answering the questions life throws at me. 
  Sometimes, they can be great, sometimes not.
     Oh well, life goes on. . .