It is a shock, to see that flower again. In my son's--in our son's hands . . . it brings back memories I thought I'd buried deeply. In an instant, I am tumbled back in time, to that dark night . . .

I'd just returned to Ningenkai from a business trip in Makai. I was looking forward to seeing Kurama again. I should have sensed the ki in his room, but I was too eager; it made me incautious. It could've been fatal--anywhere else, it would have been fatal.

His name was on my lips as I entered, through the window he always left open for me. It was the only place I ever felt I might someday be able to call 'home'. Then I saw . . . her.

My first reaction was a flash of jealousy. I felt as if Kurama had betrayed me. It passed quickly--Kurama was still fast asleep, and I knew it. The woman held something out over Kurama. I could not see what.

"Leave him alone!" I threatened, ready to fight for him. She spun . . . and as soon as I saw her face, I knew. I knew. I was going to loose him. I couldn't even fight--one bat of an eyelash, and I'd be dust. Or worse.

Even if she spared my life, how could I compare to her? A Forbidden Child against a goddess? Ridiculous. She was--is-- everything I am not and never have been. The choice Kurama would make was obvious to me.

I couldn't keep my face still. I tried--it's stupid to let an enemy know what's in your heart--but the pain was too great, the grief too overwhelming. It overcame me, if only for a second.

I watched helplessly as she turned back to Kurama. I heard him say something softly, but what I couldn't make out. She reached out again . . . I saw it was a stunningly beautiful rose, even more beautiful than Kurama could ever make. It was blood red at the center and snow white at the outer edges, perfect for him.

She brushed it against his lips, then lifted to her face. I was startled. It wasn't what I had expected. She turned then, tucking the rose into her hair, and walked past me towards the window. When she was even with me, she leaned over and kissed me-- softly, the way one would a child or younger sibling. Then she was gone.

I don't know how long I stood there, my thoughts in chaos. What had she done? I'd felt some strange, subtle magic, beyond my comprehension . . . but was it directed at me, or at Kurama?

My worst fear has always been that I would loose Kurama. After her visit, I shut myself off from him for a time, afraid if I didn't, I'd wake up some morning and he'd be gone . . . to her. It wasn't until I heard him crying into his pillow that I realized how foolish I was being, hurting us both like that.

I went back to him, but I couldn't . . . still haven't . . . been able to bring myself to tell him how I . . . feel about him. Tell him that I . . . love him. Even when Kiyoshi was born.

It was the worst--no, second worst time of my life. The worst was when she came. I was sure I'd lose him then, but at Kiyoshi's birth, there was some sliver of hope--tiny, but there.

I knew he'd been having some strange symptoms, but I thought it was one of those Ningen diseases he's always catching. That is, until he collapsed in the middle of a battle. It seemed like time slowed to a crawl, like I was moving slowly, far too slowly.

I yelled at him--I don't remember what. I always yell at him when I'm worried. I managed to kill his attacker, but he said he was in pain. There was no wound. I didn't know what to do.

Then I thought of Yukina. It was the first time I'd ever run from a battle. In fact, I completely forgot about the battle and left Yuusuke and that idiot Kuwabara to take care of it. I heaved Kurama onto my back and just ran as fast as I could.

The whole way, I kept feeding Kurama my ki. I forced my way through a crack in the Barrier without even noticing. By the time I reached the Temple, I was slowing down, and I knew it. I didn't have much rei left. But when Yukina said he'd die . . . I was willing to give the rest of mine to keep him alive, even if it meant my own life.

Yuusuke wouldn't let me. I almost killed him--until he said he'd give his rei to Kurama. Then the idiot Kuwabara chimed in. It's the only time I've ever been grateful to him. Even Yuusuke's wench was willing.

Then Koenma arrived with Botan. I almost snapped when he said we didn't have enough rei to save Kurama's life. It was only when he offered his own that I managed to keep myself from exploding.

Yukina was the first to realize what was happening. She brought Kiyoshi to us. I remember the look on Kurama's face . . . he was so tired, so weak--and so awed. He looked up at me and said softly, "Our little miracle . . . "

I nearly panicked when he collapsed. Yukina reassured me that he was just asleep, just needed rest. I was utterly mortified, to have showed my feelings in front of others . . . even these particular ones. But for once, even that idiot Kuwabara kept his mouth shut.

In fact, it was the idiot who carried Kurama home, while I carried our son. I was as awed as Kurama. I hid it better--I hope. But those golden eyes, just like Kurama's youko eyes . . . the soft, short patch of black and red hair . . . the face such a perfect blend of ours . . . it was incredible. A wondrous gift. From . . . her.

I don't remember the looks on the faces of those ningen Kurama calls family when we entered. I was too preoccupied; I just handed the baby to the woman and followed the idiot upstairs. I knew if I didn't watch him, he'd drop Kurama on his head or something equally imbecilic.

Then I had to explain things, obviously. I hate explaining things; I'm no storyteller. But I did well enough, I suppose. They understood, at least--eventually. But Kurama woke . . . just as I was grinding it into them that I care about him. I almost left.

Then Kiyoshi was in my arms again, and Kurama was in the ningen woman's embrace. Once that settled down, she started demanding names and details about Kiyoshi. Disgusting--but Kurama was perfectly willing to oblige.

I come out of my memories with a small shake of my head. Kurama is hugging Kiyoshi now, completely unaware of the significance of that rose.

What is the significance of that rose? Does it mean . . . she won't . . . she wants Kiyoshi! Not Kurama--Kiyoshi! That was why . . .

I'll have to remember to ask Kiyoshi to thank her for me.

Kurama hugged Kiyoshi and sent him off to play. "Go on. You can even play in the sand, as long as you remember to take your shoes off first."

"Hai, Papa!" Kiyoshi responded merrily. He ran off to the sandbox in the back yard. Kurama sat back on his hands and sighed, shaking his head.

"He never seems to move at less than a run. He must get that from you, Hiei." He looked up. There was a strange, unreadable expression on Hiei's face. Kurama frowned, concerned. "Hiei . . . ?"

"Kurama . . . " Hiei said softly, kneeling beside him. He raised an infinitely gentle hand to caress Kurama's cheek. He leaned forward and whispered, after a small hesitation, "Aishiteru. I love you."