I never thought it could end like this. I always thought there would be a tomorrow for us. How could I have been so blind? And the . . . the funeral . . . that's tomorrow. That's where he'll be from now on. Not here, where he belongs, with me.
I never had a chance to tell him how much I love him. His dying words to me were 'I love you' but I couldn't . . . couldn't . . .
"Hey, Miya, it's going to be okay."
Oh, Cye, how can you understand!? How can you possibly understand!? If only I hadn't been so unsure! If only I'd told him!
"Miya, please don't cry."
Go away, Sage. You can't understand, either. There are so many 'If only's I think I might be crushed to death! 'If only' I'd talked to him . . . 'if only' I'd stayed with him after those nightmares . . . if only, if only, if only! If only I could follow him!
"Miya, how come you won't talk to me?"
Ulley. If only I hadn't been with you, had been with him instead . . . no, I can't regret that. You needed me more, then. How hard this must be for you, to have Ryo die so soon after your parents. At least you have White Blaze. Me, I don't have anyone.
"Miya, say something."
Please, just leave me alone, Rowen! And all of you! If only I'd never met any of you, I wouldn't feel this way now! If only Grandfather hadn't died . . . if only Talpa had stayed where he belonged . . . if only that drunk hadn't been driving the car! Oh, why does this have to be so hard!?
"Miya, we're here for you. Please . . . "
"What, you're not going to say you're hungry?"
"That's not funny right now, Cye. Nobody appreciates your jokes."
"Sorry."
If only you'd all go away! Go away, go away, go away! Leave me alone; let me rot by myself! Oh, Ryo, if only you were still here!
Miya started to sob uncontrollably. Cye wrapped his arms around her and pressed his own tear-streaked face into her hair. Sage took one of her hands, and Ulley climbed into her lap, while Kento and Rowen hovered anxiously.
"We all miss him, Miya," Sage whispered, his fingers tightening painfully.
"If only I'd told him I loved him!" she sobbed, nearly incoherent.
"He knew, Miya," Rowen said. "He knew. It wasn't something you could hide." Miya's weeping intensified.
White Blaze padded into the room and put his head on Miya's leg next to Ulley. Miya looked down at the tiger, stroking his head absently.
"I know," she said softly. "I know."