NAME

uubp -- Unix-to-Unix beer protocol

SYNOPSIS

uubp [- acefghlqy] site

DESCRIPTION

Uupb allows the user to transfer beer, ale, or other fermented grain beverages between network sites. Using TCP/IP (telecommunications protocol for imbibing pilsners), uubp encodes beer from a local file system into packets suitable for FTP (fermentation transfer protocol) delivery at a remote IP site.

Example:

% uubp -c"AMBER" -f0.7 -y0 -q2 198.137.240.100

The preceding example sends two six-packs (-q2) of amber ale (-c"AMBER") with a fizziness quotient of 70%, brewed using yeast of type 0 (saccharo-myces cerevisiae) to IP address 198.137.240.100, which is the IP address for the White House.

RESTRICTIONS

Both source and destination sites must be running uubp-daemon. In addition, local restrictions exist in many areas for the transportation of alcohol across state lines. The Electronic Frontier Foundation is currently involved in litigation to ensure the ability to distribute beer through the uubp protocol according to the 21st Amendment. To support the SIG of EFF devoted to this cause, join the Homebrewers of the Electronic Frontier Engaged in Winning Electronic Independence and Zeroing Establishment Nonsense (HEFEWEIZEN), or send mail to hefeweizen@eff.eff.org. Be sure to include the entire text of this manual page.

Politically Correct UNIX(tm) System VI Release notes

Utilities:

"man" pages are now called "person" pages.

Similarly, "hangman" is now the "person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime." To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command is now merely "domestic_quadruped."

To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting the male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no. To address this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a "-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if the "no" is ignored.

The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been replaced by the more neutral "gendre" command.

The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due to its inappropriate use by high-level managers.

"compress" has been replaced by the lightweight "feather" command. Thus, old information (such as that from Dead White European Males) should be archived via "tar" and "feather".

The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy of the Reagan era. System VI uses the environmentally preferable "less" command.

The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally unfriendly "LaTeX".

Shell Commands:

To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been renamed "euthanise."

The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to give themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling them to be "nice". In System VI, the "sue" command is used by unprivileged users to get for themselves the rights enjoyed by privileged ones.

"history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory."

"quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum usage, and will be strictly enforced.

The "abort()" function is now called "choice()."

Terminology:

From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as "exploitive capitalist text".

The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative. Such processes will now be known as "spiritual guides."

There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb" and "smart" terminals. All terminals are equally valuable.

Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was white on black. This implicitly condoned European colonialism, particularly with respect to people of African descent. UNIX System VI now uses "regressive video" to refer to white on black, while "progressive video" can be any color at all over a white background.

For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root" and his "wheel" oligarchy. We have instituted a dictatorship of the users. All system administration functions will be handled by the People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System (PC-DOS).

No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to be "owned" by users. All files and processes will own themselves, and decided how (or whether) to respond to requests from users.

The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17 Window System.

And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" - for Procreatively Challenged.

UNIX(tm) is a trademark of UNIX System Laboratories. Any similarty of names or attitudes to that of any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.