The parrot grew to be bored shitless, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot could figure out.

One night in the middle of the magician's performance, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot. The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard, immediately collapsing from exhaustion.

Soon afterward, the parrot flew to the magician and perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. And stared. And stared.

For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him. Eventually the magician started to stir. Looking up, he saw the parrot, still eyeing him intently, not even blinking.

Another hour goes by, and finally the parrot squawks, "Awright, I give up. What did you do with the goddamn ship?"

MATT LEBLANC ("Friends") "caught the eye of a busty young lady in a chic restaurant. And within 15 minutes the pair were headed hand in hand to the ladies room. They spent almost a half an hour alone... before Matt emerged lookming rumpled and disheveled."(Enquirer)

Thoughts:

1) Matt must have a great pickup line, to get a complete stranger to sleep with him in less than fifteen minutes of talking. What do you suppose he says?

POSSIBLE PICKUP LINES OF MATT LEBLANC:

a) "Hi, I'm Matt LeBlanc, the star of Friends. You're looking very beautiful tonight. Would you like to go to the ladies room with me?"
b) Matt LeBlanc, Friends. I'd like to get to know you better... why don't we go to the women's bathroom?
c) LeBlanc, Friends. Hey, why don't we go to the ladies room? I'll bet you flush a mean toilet!
d) LeBlanc. Friends. Bathroom. Now.

2) If you go to a famous Hollywood restaurant and there is a long line to get into the women's bathroom, do you suppose that means that Matt LeBlanc is having a long night?

3) I'm still focused on that time. Seduction in 15 minutes!

How long do you suppose it would have taken other stars?
a) Brad Pitt--2 minutes
b) Sean Connery--4 minutes (9 minutes, w/o toupee)
c) Jim Carrey--6 minutes (12 minutes, after "Cable Guy")
d) Michael Douglas--8 minutes (only if wife is around--works best under pressure)
e) Madonna--3 minutes (but with guys, 7 minutes)

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends,and for stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.

"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends,and for stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey and butter.)

Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it . The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or should I?"