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Where was this on the SAT?

Boston College suspended 13 football players for illegally placing bets on games. Says Jerry Perisho, "There must have been some sort of recruiting screw up here. Surely these players should have gone to USC."

See.. Here's the deal...

Two days after the election, NASA launched a rocket toward Mars. Asks Russ Myers, "Anybody seen Ross Perot lately?"

All I want for Christmas...

Crunch time:

A survey indicated that the No. 1 gift adults received this Christmas was abdominal exercise gadgets. Says Steve Tatham, "That means 1997 is going to be a busy year for garage sales."

Straight Up

The liquor industry has lifted it voluntary ban on TV and radio ads. Says Alex Pearlstein, "They've also decided to sponsor a few network shows." Watch for:

"Live with Chivas Regal and Kathie Lee"

"Suddenly Sauza"

"The Single Malt Guy"

"It's a Wild Turkey Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown"

"3rd on the Rocks From the Sun"

C, More or Less

Announcing: C+- (Pronounced "C More or Less")

Unlike C++, C+- is a subject-oriented language (SOL).

Each C+- class instance, known as a subject, holds hidden members, known as prejudices, agendas, or undeclared preferences, which are impervious to outside messages, as well as public members known as boasts or claims. The following C operators are overridden as shown:

	>      better than
	<      worse than
	>>     way better than
	<<     forget it
	!       not on your life
	==    comparable, other things being equal

C+- is a strongly typed language based on stereotyping and self- righteous logic. The Boolean variables TRUE and FALSE (known as constants in less realistic languages) are supplemented with CREDIBLE and DUBIOUS, which are fuzzier than Zadeh's traditional fuzzy categories. All Booleans can be declared with the modifiers strong and weak. Weak implication is said to "preserve deniability" and was added at the request of the DoD to ensure compatibility with future versions of Ada. Well-formed falsehoods (WFFs) are assignment-compatible with all Booleans. What-if and why-not interactions are aided by the special conditional evenifnot X then Y.

C+- supports information hiding and, among friend classes only, rumor sharing. Borrowing from the Eiffel lexicon, non-friend classes can be killed by arranging contracts. Note that friendships are intransitive, volatile, and non-Abelian.

Operator precedence rules can be suspended with the directive

#pragma dwim known as the "Do what I mean" pragma.

ANSIfication will be firmly resisted. C+-'s slogan is "Be Your Own Standard."