The priest explained that ther was nothing wrong with that.

"but father, I did it with lust!"

Again the priest reassured the man that it was no sin.

"But father, it was in the middle of the day!"

The priest was growing uncomfortable with the desciption but assuered him that it was a natural act for a man and wife.

"But father, it was sheer passion. I followed her around the fridge and as she veaned over the deep freeze I jumped on her and we did it on the floor. am I banned from the church?"

"Of course not," said the exasperated priest.

"Oh that's good. The manger has banned both of us from the supermarket."

Hillary Clinton received her first royalty check for "It Takes A Village". Just in time. With Chelsea about to graduate, Hillary's working on her sequel, "It Takes A Ton Of Money To Send A Kid To College".

A woman hijacked a taxi in Southern California this week and held the driver hostage for five hours. The good news - the driver escaped unharned. The bad news - the meter was running the whole time...

Was it a bomb? A missile? Mechanical failure? Janet Reno says the cause of the crash of TWA flight 800 may remain a mystery. That is, until it's made into a movie by Oliver Stone.

Bill Clinton says we will send robots to explore Mars. Al Gore starts training next week.

According to a bridal magazine, 87% of brides-to-be say they plan to take their husband's last name. If they catch them cheating, they also plan to take his last dime.

According to a new federal report, passenger side airbags reduce traffic deaths. The same report, however, said backseat windbags increase traffic deaths.

A study says the first 25 years of marriage are the toughest - especially if it's all top the same person...

Milk prices have risen dramatically across the nation, leading to the most common ailment at the breakfast table today - lactose insolvency.

And finally, security personnel at Disneyland are being accused of brutality. Park officials deny that guards have ever taken advantage of guests - that's the job of souvenir shops...

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome, so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot." The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish." The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for." The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me, I'll bet he'll sell me."

The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in and shut the door." The guy says "What's up?" The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the lips." The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion." The parrot says "Well, maybe but then he fondled her breasts." The guy says "He did??" The parrot says "Yes. Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking on her breasts." The guy says "My God, what happened next?!?" The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."