The doctor argued; "In the very beginning, Genesis chapter 1, God took a rib from Adam and created Eve. God was a surgeon so doctors were the first profession."

The engineer agreed saying, "Yes your are right about God being a surgeon. Before that however, God created the Earth and the Sun, and the whole Universe out of mere chaos. God was an engineer so engineers came before doctors."

The lawyer, smiling quietly asked, "Who do you think created the chaos?"

There's a kind of hush: Doctors are worried about President Clinton's hoarse throat and ordered him to keep absolutely quiet. Says Argus Hamilton, "The president demanded a second opinion. Sure enough, his lawyers think it's a good idea too."

Adds the Cutler Daily Scoop, "A politician ordered not to talk -- is this a great country or what?"

GM's electric car, the EV1, went on sale Thursday. Says Alex Kaseberg, "It costs $34,000 to lease one- but they'll knock off $5,000 if you agree to wear a pink bunny suit and bang a drum while you drive it."

Adds Bob Mills, "Chevron, Shell and Texaco immediately announced a price hike of 15 cents a watt."

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals.

The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and shoots himself.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over - the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled, and asks, "God almighty, what are you doing?" The New Yorker says, "So much for your canoe, shmuck!!!"

TOP TEN ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY RIDICULOUS HOST NAMES

And, yes, they all really exist...

1. dam.mit.edu

2. monarch.butterfly.net

3. gratuitouslylonghostname.apana.org.au

4. drag.net

5. my-hostname-is-longer-than-yours.mit.edu

6. tragically.hip.berkeley.edu

7. dislocated.hip.berkeley.edu

8. ohsaycan.ucc.american.edu

9. huh_huh.fire.com

10. vo.mit.edu

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it's a memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.

Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0...

• A "Don't remind me again" button
• Minimize button
• Shutdown feature
• An installshield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)

I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing -- in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.

***** BUG WARNING ********

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.