For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

A little old lady with blue hair entered the sex aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell-l d-dildoes h-here ?"

The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered, "Uh, yes ma'am. We do."

The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked "D-do y-you ha-ave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?"

"Well, yes ma-am, we do. We have several that size."

Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?"

"Well.... yes ma'am, a few of them are about that big."

"D-do aa-ny of t-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?"

"Yes ma'am, one of them does."

"W-w-ell, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?"

It has been revealed that in November a US truck carrying nuclear bombs overturned and skidded off a Nebraska highway.

"It sounds suspiciously like Joseph Hazelwood just answered an ad for truck drivers," says Argus Hamilton.

Flight response: Tuesday marked the 93rd anniversary of the day Orville and Wilbur Wright completed the first machine-powered flight at Kitty Hawk, NC. "They were in the air for 12 seconds- time enough for Orville to serve Wilbur two bags of nuts and rent him headphones for $3," says Jerry Perisho.