HuMoR - TIADA LogOn TANPA SENYUM ™

Married humor

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, EVER have sex again - the strain would be too much.

The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.

This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs - she's coming downstairs, he's heading up.

"Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide."

"I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"

I've Seen The Light

A guy on a date parks his car and gets the girl in the back seat. They make love, but the girl wants it again and the guy complies. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute, I have to relieve myself."

While out of the car he notices a man half a block away changing a flat. He asks the man "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've given it to her four or five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll take over for me."

So that's what the man does and he is just getting in the high numbers when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them. The cop asks "What are you doing in there?" The guy says "I'm making love to my wife." The cop asks "Why don't you do that at home?" The guy answers "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife until you shined the light on her."

C i n d e r e l l a

We all know how Cinderella wanted to go to the ball but her wicked stepmother wouldn't let her and then the fairy godmother pops up and gives Cinderella some good news: The fairy godmother tells Cinderella that she will provide for her everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on 2 conditions. Cinderella asks what she needs to do and the fairy godmother replies, "First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella's mouth drops open and says, "You must be crazy! I'm on the pill, and I don't need to wear a diaphragm."

The fairy godmother reminds Cinderella about all the handsome princes that will be attending the ball that night, and Cinderella agrees to wear a diaphragm.

"Well, what's the second condition?" Cinderella asked.

The fairy godmother replies, "You must be back home by 2:00 AM. Well, Cinderella explains that if she's gonna go party with the princes, she wants to be out all night long. The fairy godmother tells Cinderella that if she's not home by 2AM, then her diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin and reminds her that at least she'll be with the princes most of the evening, so Cinderella agrees to be home at 2AM...

At 2AM, Cinderella doesn't show up...3AM, no Cinderella...4AM, no Cinderella...finally, at 5AM, Cinderella shows up at the door with a huge grin on her face.

The fairy godmother stands up and looks at Cinderella and says, "Where the hell have you been? Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin 3 hours ago!!!"

Cinderella tells the fairy godmother that she met a prince and he took care of it for her. The fairy godmother wonders about a prince with this type of power and asks Cinderella his name to which she replies, "I can't remember, but it was Peter Peter something or other...."