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The Quickie

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

With a moo-moo here...

My wife is a primary school teacher, and related this tale after another class returned from a trip to a working farm:

My wife asked little David if he had enjoyed the trip.

"Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and fuckers."

Wife: "er, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are, but what is a fucker?"

David: "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk"

Wife: "but who said they were called, er, fuckers?"

David: "that was our teacher. Well actually she called them "effers", but we all knew what she meant."

An old languange teachers' joke

They call people who can speak three languages, "tri-lingual."

They call people who can speak two languages, "bi-lingual."

But the call people who can speak only one language, "American."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Six year-old boy to his father: Daddy, can I have a train set?
His Father: Does your dick touch your ass?
Boy, reaching into his pants: No.
His Father: Well, come back when it does.

Five years pass.

Eleven year-old boy to his father: Dad, can I have a ten speed bike?
His Father: Does your dick touch your ass?
Boy reaching into his pants: No. His Father: Well, come back when it does.

Another five years passes.

Sixteen year-old boy to his father: Dad, can I have a car?
His Father: Does your dick touch your ass?
Boy: Yes, it does.
Father: Good. Then go fuck yourself.