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Public Service

This actually happened to my wife, just yesterday:

She called our county office to register to speak at a public hearing. Those wishing to make comments for the record are required to sign up on a first-come, first-served basis.

The clerk taking down names added my wife to the list. Wondering how many speakers were signed up ahead of her, my wife then asked, "Can you tell me where I am in the order?" The clerk studied the list for a moment and said, "Hmmm....right now, it looks like....you're last."

The Elephant

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy piped up,

"Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"

"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.

"No, not that."

"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."

"No, Mom. Down underneath."

His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."

Pretty soon the father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda. As soon as she had left the boy repeated his question.

"That's the elephant's trunk, son."

"Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end."

"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."

"No. Down there."

The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis."

"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"

The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've *spoiled* that woman."

D i a g n o s i s

A man walks into a Doctors. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"Whats the matter with me?",he asked.

"You're not eating properly", replied the Doctor.