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The TOP 16 Signs Your New Car is a Lemon

The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Ralph Nader's home phone number written on dashboard.
You realize too late that it *is* your father's Oldsmobile.
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks, "Where do you want to go today?"
The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
"Jaws of Life" in trunk.
Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."

Two old men

Two old men meet on a street corner.

1st old man, "Where 've you been for the last couple of months?"

2nd old man, "I was in jail."

1st old man, "You in jail, how come?"

2nd old man, "Well, about two months ago I was standing on a corner, and this beautiful young woman rushes up with a policeman, points to me and says, "He is the man officer, he is the one who attacked and raped me.

1st old man, "What, and you let her got away with it?"

2nd old man, "Well, I tell you, I felt so flattered, I admitted it."

Irony at the local grocery store

Frequently, I get a strip of coupons or other promotional items from a little printer at the checkout of my local grocery.

Coupons emerge as a thank-you for purchasing a product, or based on some other derived data.

Yesterday, after buying a couple pints of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream (my favorite bad-for-me snack food), I got the following checkout coupons in sequence:

Save 55c on Two(2) Pints Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream
Free High Cholesterol Survival Guide

Bosnia's election

I was listening to NPR's All things considered today [9/14/1996] and heard a chap from Great Britain discussing the Bosnian election. When asked about the problems with the election he stated that while there were problems it went very well. He then went on to state that one has to take things in relationship to where they are held.

"For example, it is not as though the election was being held in Sweeden, England, Germany, or Chicago..."

All I could think of was, "This guy doesn't know anything about Chicago."