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Have you ever sent email? You will.

Bob: Hello, I'm Bob ______ from AT&T, and I'm calling to let you know about the Internet services we offer. Do you have a minute to...

Me: I'm kind of busy right now, but if you could just email me the information I'll call you back if I'm interested. My address is...

Bob: Could I have your fax number? We're behind a firewall, so our email doesn't always get through.

All I Need To Know About Life...I learned from my dog!

If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.

When it comes to having sex, if at first you don't succeed, beg.

Don't go out without I.D.

Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.

Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.

Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

Always give people a friendly greeting - a cold nose in the crotch is effective.

When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).

If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

Dear Mr. Weatherman

Dear Mr. Weatherman,

I just wanted to drop you a little note to let you know that I just finished shovelling 3 feet of "Partly Cloudy" from my driveway.